So Tired....

...of being ill, constantly fatigued, no motivation though things keep piling up, the meds I'm taking (seemingly) doing nothing, and crying.

I cry over nothing and everything - I cried my way through "Chronicles of Narnia" - the movie - later that night cried (though I tried to hide it) at my friend's graduation party. Later this afternoon, I'm going to a movie with my mother so I'm pushing myself to get ready. I was just washing my hair and burst into tears again (which are still flowing as I write this). I thought that maybe writing here would help me get some of this out.

I live alone so I don't have a spouse or children I have to take to school or care for. How do those of you who live alone make yourself do things?

So, so....tired.

It must be so hard being by yourself especially delaing with this illness. I am sorry that your meds don't seem to be working right now. Please keep working with your pdoc to fine tune them so that you can find the right combo for you.

It can be hard to be by yourself I assume. Lonely and scared at times. Friends can not always replace the feeling of family. I work out of town and can understand your feelings. I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Feel free to contact me should you want someone to talk to. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you so much for your understanding and kind words of support, Bipolarbear.

I know I will get better; I'm just in a place where it doesn't feel like it.

P.S.

How's the job going?

Thanks for asking. I get home at least for Sunday which helps. This weekend I had both days off. The job itself is going well.

{{{{{{Pat}}}}}

Thank you so much, sweetie!

Not that knowing so many feel JUST LIKE YOU DO is helpful at all... actually, it just makes ME sadder...

Interesting that you wonder how folks who live alone "get themselves together" when they have no family/friends to help with motivation... When I'm "on one" I feel just the opposite... I feel like such a mess that having those people around feeling JUST as helpless, is even MORE of a burden. I feel guilty that they have to witness it, I feel guilty that I can't take care of THEM, I get in such a bad state that I couldn't ask for specific help if I tried, the words don't come out. I often threaten to leave and live alone, then the only one who would suffer would be me... I'm sorry you feel ******, and no, misery DOESN'T love company, imo. I just want to feel better, and leave everyone else out of it... If I can't feel better, then I really often wish I could be alone... they can't fix or help me, why should they have to deal with it? Seems if I have no one around to help me find my socks or make sure my hair is brushed... I am more likely to do it. If they are there, they stand around looking at me, a mess, crying my eyes out, they are confused and exhausted and at a loss for what to do. It's like I need a well trained "manager" who knows exactly what to do, because I sure as hell can't give instructions as to what it is I need... and that is unrealistic too. bleh, sorry if I'm "on one" it's been a hard couple of weeks... I was doing SOOOOO well for soooo long, and I screwed it up by missing a few days of meds, pushing myself too hard, and staying out way too late for several nights in a row, now I'm paying the price, and now I'm angry with myself... It didn't take NEARLY as long to "screw myself up" as it is "getting back on track"... Yeah, it gets better, but when you feel like this, there is no such thing... Crap.

(((((((((((( Azalysa ))))))))))))

((((((((((((Azalysa))))))))))))

Thinking of you!

{{{{Fuzzy}}}} {{{{{time0}}}}}

SaltPhoenix,

Hi there! Nice to meet you!

I think it is true that sometimes it seems like "the grass is greener on the other side." Your post made some good points!!

For me, getting myself together isn't the main issue, it's more like a lack of accountability. As an example, let's say I was married and there was some event, meeting, party, etc. to go to. No matter how badly I felt, I would make myself go so my husband didn't have to go alone. However, take that same event, by myself if I felt badly, I wouldn't make the effort.

It's the "get-up-and-go" that I need, but it basically boils down to - Just do it!!

Thank you for answering my post...look forward to seeing you on the boards!