How does your family view your bipolar?

When I came home from the psych hospital last year the first thing my mom did was totally berate me about "letting" myself be diagnosed as bipolar. She demanded that I call and demand they change my diagnosis. I refused. Then she wanted me to go off the meds they had prescribed at the time (Wellbutrin, Depakote and Ativan). I refused. After that she and my Dad refused to visit us because they said my husband is a snake in the grass and had convinced me I was crazy. That was a total, absolute lie. If it had not been for my husband I would be dead right now.

Now my parents are making it clear that my diagnosis is an embarrassment and not something I really have. My mom keeps telling me I just can't handle stress well. Really? Is that why I dealt with working 40 hours per week while going to grad school full time, two miscarriages, a nightmare pregnancy and my marriage almost falling apart without killing myself? Because I can't handle stress well? When I said that to her she just said that she doesn't know why I could handle it then but not now. I so badly want to point out that there have been hundreds of times over the years when she has acted completely psychotic and had insane mood swings that scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. I would bet every penny I have that she's bipolar 1.

It totally pisses my husband and I off because we feel like they need to admit that I am mentally ill and provide support rather than devoting all of their time trying to convince me I'm just fine and the way I was prior to being diagnosed was totally normal. How do your families view your bipolar? Are they supportive or pretty much jerks about it?

Well I am sorry your family is having trouble accepting it. Don't bring it up, and if they do, tell them you don't want to discuss it, instead of getting frustrated with them. They are in denial, you have to take care of your mental health, and they aren't being supportive, surround yourself with supportive people, not negative ones.

Mine just uses it against me- any way they can. And then of course it's not a real diagnosis.

My mom is supportive, the rest of my family just don't talk about it and pretend it's not there, except for when they are making fun of me, slyly and think I don't notice. Except for when they keep bringing up things I did 15 years ago before I was properly diagnosed and before I was on the right meds. Except for when they tell themselves that I am the only sick one in the family, because I got help and changed my life instead of wallowing in my disorders and acting "crazy" like they do. They just ignore the fact that they act like I do at times when I am ill. Where do they think I got it from if not from genetics?? It is easier for them to see me as the identified patient, even when the rest of them are falling apart. Anyways, I guess I am a little bitter about them. But hey, I have a great full time job, a great partner, and a great life in general. So I must be doing something right.

Hahaha... LOve your sig pic

Have not told anyone. Too many distancing reactions from both family and friends that know I am just dealing with depression.

I know they are your parents, but you don't need the extra stress from them. I wouldn't talk to them or tell them anything that is going on with your disorder. Why are they so upset by your diagnosis and how it affects them or how others view them? I can't say that I understand because my parents are very supportive and are happy that I finally found treatment. They have seen my struggles as a teenager and young adult. My dad says he feels guilty that he didn't force me when I was younger to go for treatment. I have always found ways to hide it from them. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I probably never would have gotten help. He is a Physician Assistant and his family is all in healthcare so they have been very understanding and helpful. I had a complete mixed episode when we were visiting his dad and stepmother. His step-mom is an MD so she completely talked me down, hugged me while I cried and even offered to stay with me until I fell asleep. I am very lucky!

My bf at first was concerned that he could even deal with me and the disorder but he has come to therapy with me a few times and it has been very helpful. I'm glad your husband is supportive.

Could you ever get your Mom to go to a therapy session with you? Is your parents support and acceptance something that you really need?

I disowned my family of origin because they were the cause of my ptsd and after cutting off ties my symptoms improved tremendously. as for the bipolar diagnosis, i could care less what they think. over half the family has been diagnosed and i am the only one getting successful treatment, the only one leading a stable lifestyle. theyre lives are filled with drama and i am happy not to be a part of it.

They might be jealous of you, because you sucked it up and got treatment instead of ignoring it

Very sorry you dont have the support of your family ..It certainly doesnt make things any easier ..

For myself ... My husband absolutly refused that I had a real illness he just thought i was lazy and being a Bi*** .. well back in sept I walked in my T's office and told him I needed to be a inpatient i was very suicidal ,, My husband had driven me that day ( because i drove off the road earlier in the year due to lack of sleep and hallcinations and didnt trust me to drive ( he was more worrried about the car ) anyway my Therapist went out in the parking lot and asked my husband to come in .. My Therapist explained to my husband in a very blunt straight forward way that I indeed have a serious medical condition no differant than heart diease or diabetes for instance ,, My husband broke down in tears he was clueless until he heard it from my T .. My husband and I have come from the brink of divorce to a much much better understanding of me him and my illness ,, Its not always easy but he now has knowledge As others suggested maybe have your family go to one of your sessions ?

Its always a sad thing when we cant get the support we need from our on loved ones .. But we cant let there issues with your illness get in the way of you feeling better .

Good luck and welcome to PC ! I hope you get lots of Love and support here ,,I know I have gotten TONSSSSSSSSSSS of it here its a great place to be

My parents had both died by the time the docs finally figured out I wasn't depressed, I was bipolar. I suspect they would have been supportive; they were when I told them I was an alcoholic. They then told me half the family was. Ha! Would have been nice to have had a clue ahead of time. Still, they came thru in the end.

The rest of my family, on the other hand, told me (1) I was the first drunk in the family (2) I was the first person even to disgrace the family, and (3) I couldn't be an alcoholic because I was a woman.

Sadly, I disowned my family when my mother died & they said I had killed her by moving so far away. If I hadn't disowned them, imagine the disgrace I could bring to them now by being a bipolar, mother-killing drunk!

Maybe I should find them ...

*hugs*

It must be very difficult that your family aren't understanding of your condition. Are you under a care team or provider? They could maybe provide education and understanding to your family - which is often all that is needed to bring support and understanding out in relatives; friends and family.

I think they main thing is just to be happy in yourself, and not judge your family for their misunderstanding. Unfortunately it is hard for some to know that one of their relatives is "mental" - but the only think that because they don't know much about the taboo subject that is mental health nor the illness that you've been diagnosed with.

As for my family they've been nothing but supportive throughout all of it. Obviously at times they've had a little bit of denial...but that's normal. It isn't nice to know that somebody you love is going through a lot of emotional pain and suffering.

I really hope things work out for you in the end
♥

I'm sorry your family is being terrible and not supporting you. But I also understand completely.

Growing up I had something wrong with me and everyone just kind of ignored it. I think if my mom had lived she would have figured it out. She was really smart. The support from my dad was always "Depressed? So what? Everyone is depressed! No one wants to hear it." (I'm sure he at least has depression.) Even my hallucinations and delusions were just totally ignored. Well, I was finally diagnosed at 30 years old! Yay! I felt so much better just knowing that something really was going on and I was not just a freak.

But, as for support... I don't really have any. I didn't bother telling my dad. He has a lot of health issues and a bad heart. And he's already so pessimistic. I just, didn't tell him. Or my other family. I told my husband, who grew up with a bipolar mother. I think he resents that I have bipolar, too. He doesn't talk to me about it, except occasionally when I let it slip I'm not doing so well and if we have a big fight he'll use it against me. "Time to take you to the hospital!" I seriously thinks I'm faking it... So I figure just best to keep it to myself.

But his mom, my mother-in-law. She has bipolar 1. She knows. We listen to each other. I'm fortunate to have her as my mother-in-law. But, you know, I don't run to her with my issues because she isn't well either, and she lives in another state.

Having never received the care I wish I could get, I just don't expect it any more. I have to support myself. This is my battle. For years I expected someone to care. I mean really, really care and say "Everything will be okay." Well, I am learning that I'm that person.

And you know, everything will be okay.

I completely understand you tnlibrarian. Your post is very timely for me. Last weekend I had a conversation with my brother about whether or not I should tell our parents about my most recent episode and second diagnosis of BP, when I see them at Christmas.

The first time I was ill at 18 - and I'm pretty sure since then - I was not believed. My parents had exactly the same attitude as yours. At least, my mother did. Denial, disbelief, it was me who was 'making it all up' and overreacting, it was just a phase, it was my bf's fault etc. By the 3rd time I was in hospital six years later (for a year - 4 months on the ward, and 8 months day hospital) I refused to speak to her. I ended up believing (and part of me still does) that in fact I am 'making it up'. Which is making it very difficult for me to believe/accept my second diagnosis now (and also the first).

Anyway - I am not going to tell them anything at Christmas. I see no benefit to me and only potential worry (hmm...) for them. I'm not comfortable with concealing it and outright lying, but I've been doing that so far anyway. I have very little real-life support with this - my brother is great but in another country and we don't speak often, and my bf is keeping it at arm's length, doesn't 'get it', and is not the sort I could rely on in a crisis - he'd want to be supportive but is more likely to end up having a crisis himself.

So I agree with dark_heart_x, this is my battle and I better find a way to fight it myself. These days I am closer to, reveal more to and count more on my T and pdoc than anyone else (I don't have friends really).

All of that to say that I fully understand you. Best of luck to you,

BB

You are...No, I take that back, you aren't lucky, you're blessed...And don't take it for granted...I read far too many posts on here where people get 0 support from family, friends & sig others...

Ha! Who you tellin? I get the same reaction...

I'm sorry

My mother is just now coming around to the notion that I might actually have bipolar. Meanwhile my boyfriend's mother has been there for me the whole way and supported us without question. Two totally different reactions.

None of the rest of the family is really aware I have anything other than depression. Maybe one day I'll tell them.

At first, when i had problems when i was 16, it was my father that helped me. my mom was in total denial. Now that she's seen how much i struggle, she has come to terms with it. Not to mention I had a cousin that is no longer with us b/c of bipolar, and a second cousin with it, that's not receiving treatment. It's kinda open in the family b/c there is so much mental illness on both sides of my family. My husband is supportive, but I know it strains him sometimes, especially since i've been in a depressive episode since august.

My mom always asks what meds I'm on, and. if they are working. She's still understanding. Dad is not in the picture. Brother is cool with it. Sister is a raging alcoholic in major denial. Husband doesn't ask questions, he just goes with the flow.

Erm.... My family know but I find it hard to discuss bipolar and me with them. I can discuss stuff on here, with my friends at times, with my Support Workers and with my GP, Psych and CPN. But my family is a no, no!! I get embarrassed and change the subject or just blank their questions. They have never actually asked me how Bipolar affects me... my Mum is constantly on my back about my meds and that's it. I was "excitable" the other day and my Mum said "have you had your meds today?" So I am not allowed to be happy at all?

I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your Mum.... thank god for your Husband though

My family sees that I am getting better, however I don't. I feel lost and scared a lot of the time b/c I am coming off Risperdal. I feel weak and needy like never before. I don't remember things like my life before except I know I would do some crazy things when I was manic. I remember winters were awful and I would be so depressed sometimes I wouldn't bathe for days and couldn't get out of bed or leave my house for weeks. My family is supportive I just have a hard time seeing it from their point of view.

I have been dealing with this problem with my mother at least since I admitted I have bipolar and decided to get treatment. She has called me "a crazy person", "psychotic".. Today she asked me why did I say I was okay all these years after the diagnosis and now SUDDENLY I am unstable. I had to ask her if she REALLY thought it was all of a sudden. I don't live with her, but she has seen MANY of my unstable moments. She saw the paranoia I went through for a year straight after my son was born, with no treatment. She has seen all of the ups and downs. But, I think as hard as it has been for me to admit I have bipolar, it is also hard for her to admit it to herself. At least I got a nice comment out of the conversation, "You ARE normal. That's just your normal." At least I took that in a nice way..

My aunt last weekend.. I told her I have bipolar disorder(trying to admit to more people as part of the acceptance process for myself).. and she said, "Don't say that! I have anxiety but I sure as hell wouldn't want to be labelled as bipolar or schizophrenic! Just tell people you're on anxiety medication."

Thanks! That really means a lot to me. Maybe they are jealous and they are responsible for themselves even though they would rather blame things on others

My family didnt take the news very well, either the first time I was hospitalized or the second time that I was either. It took the third time for them to be convinced that it was an issue for me. They thought that I should just tough my way through things and act like everything is fine. They actaully came to visit me this last time in, to see if I wasnt faking it.
Now they are kinda accepting it, making sure that I have taken my meds during the week, and that everything is going at least alright.