My pdoc told me to stay away from stress. It seems I am doing the polar oppisite of that.

My boyfriend wants to make up an elaborate plan to lie to his family that we are driving to california to see a sick relative of mine. On the way there we're going to have car trouble and have to come back. All so that he can have two days off work. We're going to have to bunker down in our house so that no one knows we're in town. I'm deathly afraid of getting caught.

Then we're going to have to break it to his mom that we're only spending xmas eve with his family and we will be doing christmas with mine. That seems like it wouldn't be a big deal because as of now she thinks she's not going to see us at all but i have an intense fear she's going to freak out on him because his grandpa is in town.

i just want everything to go smoothly. i can barely function right now. i feel like i can't pray about this because you can't ask God to help you with a lie. i've been asking that she'll accept the whole xmas eve thing though. omg this is crazy.

so much for listening to my pdoc

[SunAngel]

I dont' think there is one person in this world who doesn't experience stress during the holidays.

How does you pdoc say to stay away from stress with all the holidays coming up?

Everyone experiences some sort of stress and anxiety during the holidays.

[~Christina]

I dont know how to avoid stress ... everyday stress is always coming from some direction or another .

Id be more upset if someone asked me to lie ... Lies are never easy to keep straight.. Why doesnt your boyfriend take care of the lies since he wants the lies to begin with???

Im sorry I have real issues about lies

Good Luck

[Feiticeira]

I would suggest that you don't go along with the lie, if it's going to cause all this stress.

I don't know where your bf works, but I think it's easier to call in sick than to make up all this bs. It's kinda elaborate just to get some time off, I mean if he's in retail or food service then I can understand that this time of year is hard to get off, but is all that necessary?

I don't have a problem with lying, but I don't really like to use the excuse of sick/dead relatives, it gives me the feeling of pissing all over karma or something.

[roads]

I'm with you, Christina.
Joanna, what your BF asks is just so far beyond what is healthy to ask our loved ones to do that I hope you can get across to him what doing this will cost you. It's stress for you, but maybe not for him. Maybe it's like a teenage thrill ride. Guys are just different in some things, & he doesn't get it that this is a major big deal for you.
If you say no, what will the consequences be of that?

[Rosie23]

The truth is a whole lot less stressful. Just be honest and tell the family what you plan to do. It isn't easy to do that, but sometimes you just have to take care of you first.

[Sheba976]

Originally Posted by joannasouras

My pdoc told me to stay away from stress. It seems I am doing the polar oppisite of that.

My boyfriend wants to make up an elaborate plan to lie to his family that we are driving to california to see a sick relative of mine. On the way there we're going to have car trouble and have to come back. All so that he can have two days off work. We're going to have to bunker down in our house so that no one knows we're in town. I'm deathly afraid of getting caught.

Then we're going to have to break it to his mom that we're only spending xmas eve with his family and we will be doing christmas with mine. That seems like it wouldn't be a big deal because as of now she thinks she's not going to see us at all but i have an intense fear she's going to freak out on him because his grandpa is in town.

i just want everything to go smoothly. i can barely function right now. i feel like i can't pray about this because you can't ask God to help you with a lie. i've been asking that she'll accept the whole xmas eve thing though. omg this is crazy.

so much for listening to my pdoc

Umm I would think his mother would understand that you also need to spend Christmas with your own family. Any reasonable person would? Why is he coming up with this ridiculous lie? Just not to upset Mom? If that's the case you need to set boundaries with this woman now if you plan on being together for the long term.

[Sheba976]

Originally Posted by Sheba976

Umm I would think his mother would understand that you also need to spend Christmas with your own family. Any reasonable person would? Why is he coming up with this ridiculous lie? Just not to upset Mom? If that's the case you need to set boundaries with this woman now if you plan on being together for the long term.

It also sounds like your BF needs to put his foot down with his Mommy. If not this crap will stress you out every year.

He works for his dad which would sound like it would make it easier except both is parents are crazy. At this point I have kind of just given up. I've made it clear that this is the first and last time this will ever happen.

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

I'm with you, Christina.
Joanna, what your BF asks is just so far beyond what is healthy to ask our loved ones to do that I hope you can get across to him what doing this will cost you. It's stress for you, but maybe not for him. Maybe it's like a teenage thrill ride. Guys are just different in some things, & he doesn't get it that this is a major big deal for you.
If you say no, what will the consequences be of that?

I don't think there would be consequences but I think it's too late for that. The lie is already out there and we "have left" so I feel that it's out of my hands. I told him last night how big of a deal this was for me and he feels bad but I think he felt like he couldn't back out either. I made sure he understands this is not going to happen again.

Originally Posted by Sheba976

Umm I would think his mother would understand that you also need to spend Christmas with your own family. Any reasonable person would? Why is he coming up with this ridiculous lie? Just not to upset Mom? If that's the case you need to set boundaries with this woman now if you plan on being together for the long term.

From what I've understood hearing about his childhood is mom is most likely bipolar and extremely unstable. I do agree that it's not an excuse and now that he's an adult he needs to tell her like it is anyway. It's not like he lives with her so what is the worst possible outcome? Probably just some pissy text messages.