Feeling alone. Grrrrrr.

A friend of mine from HS posted old pics to her FB account tonight. It made me consider how few pics anyone has of me and how few friends I have been able to keep over the years. Oy vey...does mental illness make one's mind think too much!

I don't think mental illness makes one think too much and I don't think it's the sole reason for isolation. I think there are multiple factors that can lead to it, and as you get older its normal to lose friends. I only say this because I look at my parents and they have a few good friends but not a lot...and almost none of their friends are from their adolescent years.

I can understand how it can be painful though. But then you have to also remember if you're camera shy or not. I know I am pretty camera shy and I don't have a lot of pictures of myself despite having a good number of friends. I see them post pictures of themselves, and mutual friends, but not of me. It doesn't really bother me. I admit, though, that it is hard to keep in contact with people. Of all my friends in high school I may occasionally talk to about 5 and I graduated 4 years ago. It's hard to keep up with people when you don't see them on a daily basis.

Also my boyfriend has been out of high school for 5 years, and I believe he only talks to 2 people still. (1 he talks to like once a year)

I only keep in contact with one person from high school, but she has turned out to be my oldest and dearest friend. And we graduated back in '82. None of my college friends and I have kept in contact, but those were my craziest years, so I don't blame anyone for not wanting to know me. I do have another friend from my early working days, We have kept in close contact, too. But that's it. I have people I see every week as I go through my life, but no one that I could call a good friend. I guess my point is that good friends, the ones who know what goes on inside your head, are few and far between. Relish them. The rest will come and go as you work through different jobs or different stages of your life, enjoy them. Maybe you will find a soul mate along the way, maybe they will disappear out of your life as most people do. But you'll pick up a small circle of good friends and one or two dear friends as you age, and that's all you really need.

My mind races wildly a lot of the time and I'm constantly over-analyzing. Just the other day someone told me I was very analytical, trying to throw me a bit of a complement... I was just thinking, yeah, if you only knew... to a fault. I isolate a lot too.

I have felt this same way when looking at facebook, redhead42. Most of my friends that I had in high school are still together and hanging out 5 years after graduation, just without me... It really hurts to see those pictures of them having fun, and wondering, analyzing what things I did to lose them. I am terrible at keeping up friendships, which I partially attribute to being bipolar, and my lack of drive or motivation.
But friends come and go, and that's sometimes for the best. What helps me is logging off Facebook when I start getting depressed, because I know it'll just make me feel worse.

(Also what makes me feel better is thinking about how whatever those people in the pictures are doing probably looks WAY more fun than it actually is).

I only keep in touch with one friend from high school.We're not that close anymore partly because I moved out of state. I don't really have any close friends that I can really talk to except my husband and I hate dumping on him all the time, it stresses him out. Life would be better with one close friend I could confide in but it seems like I drive people away when they start getting close.

Don't worry about the old friends. Make new ones. Start here. You are loved!

A racing mind...I understand that all too well, ManicPanic. Sometimes it serves me well, but in moments of distress (anxiety, depression, etc.) it does me no favors. I self-isolate at times, but I work hard to let people know what is going on. One day I realized I couldn't be disappointed in the lack of people's reaction when I never explained anything about my situation. So, when I am well, I try to educate. It is just a shame that so few people have stuck around to be a part of my situation. But this too shall pass...right?! Take care!!!

I really agree with you, Me,Lately. Sometimes I have to stop looking at the pics, reading the books, etc. that feed into my lonliness and depression. It is odd how much one can hate being lonely and depressed yet seek ways to feed into it. I guess I sometimes just have to experience the feeling so that I can get past it and move on. But sometimes, FB is a trigger I need to back away from all together. Take care!!!

Grandmaof3, I suffer from Bipolar II, GAD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. The BPD makes me built people up on great temples, only to have something small not be erfect in our relationship, and I dethrone them in the blink of an eye. I always have done this and never knew why. I thought I was just a really mean person, but when I found out about BPD and I realized it was a characteristic of my illness, a lot of shame died. I still don't know how to keep myself from the building up and tearing down, but I am glad I am on a path to try to figure it out.
I think I get lonliest for a person to talk to who understands, to some degree, what I go through. My poor husband tries his hardest, but (thankfully) the feeling of clinical depression eludes him. But he is a trooper and tries. Thanks for comenting! Take care!

dazeofdolphins, I have been running around chat rooms, blogs, and forums for years, yet I have no idea how to make a cyber friend! LOL I don't think I stick out as interesting enough. Haaaa! But I keep trying and try is all I can do. Take care!!!

I decided the other day that I need to stay off facebook. Same problem, I see everyone happy, and having fun, and it irritates me and pains me. I always kinda wished I could fit in.. or at least wish I had the option to fit in.

Meh, I just want to be my own best friend. FB is like television, every time you turn it on, it's the same thing.. so I'm not missing a whole lot really, and some of those people seem sicker than I am.. but maybe that's just me and the people I used to hang out with. I dunno. But since I can't drink anymore, I lost alot of "friends" right there. haha

I usually feel the need to explain my situation to people in my life (after all, they're friends right?), sometimes its in response to them asking me how I've been doing. Unfortunately, I've found that most of them really do not seem to care. Sometimes, I just want to tell them "please don't ask how I'm doing if you really don't want to know!"

I've tried educating people as well, and I'm met with the same non-responses. Since my diagnosis, there's been too many times I felt pretty close with someone and they knew I've been going through a difficult time and they say they're worried about me or ask how I'm doing... but as soon as I say the B word they never reply to my messages again... that's happened twice in the past 30 days alone, with people I really cared for, and I think those have hurt me the most.

It's no wonder I withdraw and isolate. Especially here lately, I feel like shutting down and making my true feelings and diagnosis classified unless they really need to know. For some reason, maybe the mania, right after my diagnosis I felt free... like I could finally understand myself and like I could finally be myself... but now all I can think about is that stupid "law of attraction" and I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life faking it, if I want to have friends.

I do meet with a therapist... but thanks for listening.

This is how I'm feeling right now. Glad to understand myself and be able to be myself finally. Gave up on trying to be "nice". Now I'm just me.

Will you please explain this "law of attraction". I don't think I've ever heard that phrase before. Thanks!

Between Bipolar II, GAD, and Borderline Personality Disorder, I am happy to listen because I need to be listened to also! And while therapists can be wonderful resources, it can be so much more satisfying to talk to someone who can actually understand, from experience and not from literature, what we go through. When I tell people that on bad days, I have to convince myself that I can exert enough energy to get out of bed to pee in the morning, they often can't believe I could be that bad off. But I bet if I made a thread asking how many people have gone through the same thing, I'd have affirmation after affirmation of "Yes! I have been there too many times to count!"

I can't believe I have had the same person reply TWICE to me! I feel special today! Thanks manicpanic!!!

It basically has to do with being positive and whatever you put out into the world is what you get back.

You just stuck out as interesting. You're welcome!

Thanks much!

Unfortunately, I have been left behind by friends, for the most part.

I have always had a hard time letting people get close. I despise cameras. If I ever come up "missing" I doubt my husband could find a picture of me to show police.

I feel the same way you do. I don't keep up with anyone from high school or college. Or the town where my kids grew up. Or the town we moved from 7 years ago. Although my therapist believes (and I'd have to agree) that my husband is actually part of the problem, he's also pretty much my only support.

I think life would be better with even one close friend. But I think I have to learn to be one, so I can have one. And I need to be out there really participating while I'm supposedly socializing. The social anxiety is a significant inhibitor there. The funny thing is - if you asked most people who've met me, they'd be shocked to know that my outgoing personality is a big sham and that I'm mostly terrified on the inside.
Maybe anxiety is an issue for you too?