Sick of this...

I'm sick of my ups and downs. I want to ask T about seeing a psych maybe? But I can't really afford it. Maybe if I could find one that would work on a sliding scale and then I could make payments on. I just don't know what to do. I did talk to my mother besides the night that we had been drinking, but she just keeps saying that I should do whatever I think I should. I need some real advice from her.

I'm tired of being happy or being fine or being totally hyper and bouncing off the walls and then suddenly slamming into a wall and being depressed or angry for no reason. I guess this was just more of a rant than anything. I'm sorry. I just have to get it out and don't know who to tell. I'm scared of what I'll have to do or what I'll find out if I get help, but I'm so tired of feeling this way. I'm so tempted just to give in and SI, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. I'm just so torn and confused.

Have you been diagnosed with bipolar in the past? I know that ultra-rapid cycling (shifting from hypo/mania to depression in a very short period of time) can be really painful and exhausting. You're not alone in what you are going through.

Definitely talk to your T about seeing a pdoc. If you are bipolar, mood stabilizing medications should help, at least a little bit. Don't let financial concerns stop you from getting help that you need; untreated bipolar is very costly as well!

How is your relationship with your T? Are you a "good fit"? If not, then perhaps you should look for a new therapist.

Please don't SI. There are better ways to cope. Do you keep a journal? It's an excellent way to allow you to express your emotions and record your pain, and there is no blood spilled! You are an important person, and you don't deserve to be hurt by anyone, least of all yourself.

Take care.

No, I've not actually been diagnosed, but that's what T thinks.
I guess our relationship is good. I've known her for a long time, and I guess she kind of 'unofficially' counseled me before I started going to see her several months ago on a regular basis.
I do keep a journal...for therapy. 'Cause it's hard to even talk to her about things going on. I'm the kind of person who has trouble talking to others about what's going on...and I freeze up when I try. So, I journal between sessions and then we talk about it when I go in. It does help... I just really don't know what to do right now. And I've told my mom, 'hey, something is wrong. T thinks I could actually be bipolar.' But I can't get much of a response from her. She actually thought I was bipolar a few years ago, but the psych n T I saw back then were a bunch of losers n didn't know what they were doing. I really didn't get on good with them.