[Secretum]

I feel like I just don't have the capacity to bond with other people. I have a few friends, but I feel like I can't really get close to people. I feel like if the entire earth were a gym class, I would be picked last out of the entire 7 billion of us.

Sorry for the self-pity fest; I just need to tell someone about this.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I feel like I just don't have the capacity to bond with other people. I have a few friends, but I feel like I can't really get close to people. I feel like if the entire earth were a gym class, I would be picked last out of the entire 7 billion of us.

Sorry for the self-pity fest; I just need to tell someone about this.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like the 7 billionth...

Secretum, I have very few friends IRL. Good, close friends, I mean. And they aren't as close as I used to think.

People occasionally complain that I don't let them get to be friends as hard as they try, or that I don't let them get as close to me as they want to be. I think some of us are that way. We just can't handle a lot of friends making demands on us. We have that very close space for one person, no more.

It's a matter of not thinking it's you maybe. Or finding people like you. IDK the secret.

But I wish I knew the answer. It makes so many people so sad...

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I feel like if the entire earth were a gym class, I would be picked last out of the entire 7 billion of us.

I think you would be next to last, because I know from experience that I am always the last one picked.

I understand what you mean, tho. I have two friends I call dear. Beyond that, zilch. Nobody I can even call a social friend. I don't know what we're missing, either. Were we in the wrong line the day they were handing out this secret? Is there a handshake we weren't let in on? A celestial memo we missed before we were born? What?! Cause I've been this way all my life. And it sux.

So, feel free to complain further. I'm not going to stop you... (Somebody might want to stop me, tho, from derailing this thread.)

[Rosie23]

Same problem here. I just don't know how or to seem to be able to let people in my life.

I try to develop relationships with people, but true bonding requires a great deal of trust, that I wish I could give but don't seem to be able to.

No idea how to fix it either.

Well Secretum, if I were the one doing the picking you would be far far far from 7 billionth last. Close to the top.

Now that said, I feel the exact same way. I have very very few people who I am close with or connect with in my real life. I don't know why that it, it just is. Is it us, or them? For me I think it's a combo. I wish I had words of wisdom or advice, this is something I don't fully understand.

One thing is, you are understood here. I wish I knew the answer.

[tnlibrarian]

I totally understand what you mean. I've been told by people that I am the hardest person to get to know that they have ever met. I'm always asking people a hundred questions about themselves but when the tables are turned and they're asking me questions it's hard to get answers out of me. I'm afraid to let anyone in for fear of being hurt. That's especially true since I was diagnosed as bipolar. As a result, I have lots of acquantinces but few actual close friends. I get really lonely but I can't bring myself to let those walls come down.

[argv]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I feel like I just don't have the capacity to bond with other people. I have a few friends, but I feel like I can't really get close to people. I feel like if the entire earth were a gym class, I would be picked last out of the entire 7 billion of us.

Sorry for the self-pity fest; I just need to tell someone about this.

I know that feeling! And I usually was the last one to get picked. Still am. I'm sure the other peeps out there know that I don't really care for them. I have a few close friends, but I like to keep my problems to myself mostly. My best friends and family don't know some of the secrets I hold.

Of course talking about my life is apparently depressing for people. I think it's quite inspiring that I'm even alive!

Wow, I'm in a total tangent mood. Yes, I have problems relating to people. I really wish I could, but feel the same way as everyone else seems to feel that's replied so far. I don't know the secret, but I think a few people have hit the nail.. it's all about trust, and letting people 'in' isn't easy, as it seems that typical people like to get inside just so they can REALLY crush a person. That's how effing evil they are. I swear.

[blue_lips]

I feel the same! And it's especially tough for me because I'm in high school-- I don't know if that makes it better or worse-- but I find it hard to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. Everyone around me has their group of friends, and I have two close friends that I don't even hang out with often. It's debilitating, to a point.

[Charly1]

I feel the same way. I have no friends. I have my husband though. He is the only person that I talk to. I wish that I had a friend. It just has never happened. Is there something wrong with me? with us? It is so hard to not feel "human" when all you want to is feel that way.

I really identify with this, too. I have friends but none of them the kind of 'close' relationships I see other people having. I've always felt misunderstood, like an outsider... I've always felt on a different 'wavelength' to most people. Since going to therapy I'm learning that I've been/am emotionally distant. I don't let people in. I'm shy, but people think me aloof. For months I thought I was letting my T 'in', but I wasn't, not really. Only recently have I realised I actually am now starting to open up - a bit of a learning experience, and kinda scary! Hoping that eventually I'll be able to properly connect with people in real life, and not just with my therapist

But ugh, gym class! Bad memories! Always amongst the last to be picked - and I do still very much feel that way in social situations, like I'm always a hanger on, or tagging along, or a pity invite...

((((hugs to everyone, I feel your pain))))

Just Some Girl,

I have been seeing my T for 6 years, I thought we had a pretty good relationship, I thought I was really open. Then a few months back, I saw a letter she had prepared for my Community Worker, She had referred to me as being "aloof". I was soo stumped by that, still am.

[sb7777]

On top of the frequent "leave me alone" feeling, I know that I've been pulling back from close interactions, even with some of my closest friends and family. I worry about having episodes in front of them. I worry about their opinion of me changing. I worry about them not understanding the symptoms I'm trying to explain.

It can be quite isolating.

I'm trying to get better about this, talking to people whenever they ask how I'm doing, but it's still difficult.

[BuggsBunny]

I think a lot of us come across as aloof to others. I was once called "Isolative" in the hospital because I was staying mostly to myself. I don't make friends easily, and the world was too confusing to me just then. So I mostly just wrote a story I was working on. It really peeved me that they just labeled me, instead of asking why I wasn't out and about. Plus my turd of a pdoc wouldn't give me sleeping pill, so I was up all night, every night, for almost the whole admission. (he gave me ONE night's worth, the whole three weeks.) Sleep deprivation doesn't tend to make you social, you know?

It sounds as tho this lack of friends is a commonality among us. I'm betting that it runs true for most MI, and not just us BPers.

[Confusedinomicon]

I don't know...

There are studies done that show as you get older you naturally lose friends and the circle of friends you have get tighter. This makes sense because in elementary/highschool/college you are exposed to a lot of different people on a daily basis so its easier to forge friendships.

It may be that people who have MI are predisposed to be higher in neuroticism which makes them worry more, which makes it harder to become friends with people. I am going to ask my personality professor about this to see what he says.