[argv]

as a bonus topic, I like to play music and I can tell the difference in my playing as to whether I was medicated or not.

Medicated I tend to make happier sounding songs.. Unmedicated I think my songs and playing is much more heartfelt and real. This is another thing that really bothers me about meds.. And I know the tradeoff is being all rollercoaster and all that.. But it tends to really motivate me and good ideas seem to come flying out of the whirlwind.

They say thats not supposed to happen, but obviously if you disrupt the thinking patterns in the brain, and a person feels more stable.. It's bound to affect things like movie preference.. I typically like horror movies or zombie flicks. On meds I watch old westerns or funny movies.

This isn't to say it's bad to take them, but if you are hell bent on being creative, then meds SEEM to have an effect. Maybe not on the creativity itself, but for sure on the chosen subject matter and intensity.

Anyone notice that? I'm not saying quit taking meds at all. Just an observation really.

[LiteraryLark]

I'm much, much more creative when I am not on meds...now that I am on a lower dose, my creativity is coming back and I am hoping to start a garden and I am making big plans on when I move out...this time, I don't want anything coming in between my dreams, including reality. Money is holding me back, but I am going to find a way to save up and get the things that I want, even if it takes a little while to do it.

Once my parents settle down from remodeling their kitchen, which was super fun to help and definitely creative, I am going to ask them if I can be their gardener if they pay for the flowers and I would be the laborer.

[argv]

I always try to balance my dosage so that I get the best of both worlds, but it doesn't seem possible. I want ALL the creativity, but you just can't have it when you're brain chemistry is changed.

[LiteraryLark]

No, not when you're on meds. That's why it's so hard to try and stay on your meds because you want to feel normal and you want to feel normal NOW.

[argv]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

No, not when you're on meds. That's why it's so hard to try and stay on your meds because you want to feel normal and you want to feel normal NOW.

Yeah, or I'll take them for a while and forget what the hell they're doing.. then I quit and I go "Oh, this isn't so bad.." but then a few weeks later I'm looking for a new job and place to live, etc etc..

[venusss]

THis is not really about meds or no meds, but when I listen to work of the artists out there... I always love their work when they are a mess. It's probably not even that I can relate, but it's their stuff is raw and intense and they come with these melodies and beats and lyrics. Once they get happy and clean, they start making generic sterile stuff.

and I am probably not the only one who feels this way.

[argv]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

THis is not really about meds or no meds, but when I listen to work of the artists out there... I always love their work when they are a mess. It's probably not even that I can relate, but it's their stuff is raw and intense and they come with these melodies and beats and lyrics. Once they get happy and clean, they start making generic sterile stuff.

and I am probably not the only one who feels this way.

absolutely. I feel the same way about stuff I play. I can make some downright gritty song material, provocative, intense, etc.. but that's because that's how I'm feeling, and it comes out. which is why I like music to begin with. It's my way of saying things that I can't put into words. I think that goes for all true musicians. (I.e. not the ones that do it just to make money..)

Meds kill motivation to paint, but not my ideas, that's all still intact. I do a lot of art stuff, but painting has been the worst since meds.

[BuggsBunny]

I'll have to agree with you there. I did my most creative story writing when seriously depressed. However, I have to say, losing that ability is still worth having my stability.

[argv]

Originally Posted by Anika

Meds kill motivation to paint, but not my ideas, that's all still intact. I do a lot of art stuff, but painting has been the worst since meds.

It doesn't so much kill my ideas, as it just kinda waters them down. My motivation.. yes, kinda kills that too (which is probably why I don't take meds on the weekends) but it just seems my ideas don't have that.. bite.. to them. I just notice that when I'm all frenzied and crazy in the head, I get these really insane ideas that I listen to later, maybe when I'm medicated and say "whoa, I'm glad I recorded that.. cause I can't even THINK like that at the moment."

I dunno. It's really a small price to pay for being stable and being able to keep a job and stuff.

[bluematador]

I am on lower doses of medication now and it doesn't seem to effect my dark haunting creative work. I write, dance and make films. I am a student and my work has gotten better now that I am more stable. I am more focused and consistent. I am still on a high dose of cymbalta.
I take resperdal, cymbalta, topamax, depakote, and xanax, I thought my work was genius when I was manic but in reality my technical abilities were sporaric. I felt more mechanical when i was creating the work but it turned out dark and beautiful. My professors and my peers loved it.

[argv]

Originally Posted by bluematador

I am on lower doses of medication now and it doesn't seem to effect my dark haunting creative work. I write, dance and make films. I am a student and my work has gotten better now that I am more stable. I am more focused and consistent. I am still on a high dose of cymbalta.
I take resperdal, cymbalta, topamax, depakote, and xanax, I thought my work was genius when I was manic but in reality my technical abilities were sporaric. I felt more mechanical when i was creating the work but it turned out dark and beautiful. My professors and my peers loved it.

Very cool! I have to say that I agree, my stuff is more thoughtfully put together when I'm medicated. It might not have QUITE the bite it might normally have. Sometimes I go off meds for a day or two and record stuff, then when I'm ON meds I take the ideas and work with them. Kinda get the best of both worlds. I did a bunch of stuff this weekend that has much potential I think.

Just as wildly creative with as before without. In fact was medicated when I had one of my most Frankenstein-ish moments. You know, head thrown back, hands in the air, shouting something about being a f'ing genius? Yeah, that.

I'm with bluematador on the consistency thing. When I'm severely depressed, I can't do AN.Y.THING. Sometimes for months on end. Which was the main reason I almost never took on commissions. I just didn't know if I'd fall into one of those and they'd never get anything.

I did a 3-D series about BP and depression. Just for myself because I was compelled. Sure as hell didn't do them when I was in the midst of the black hole. It was only afterwards that it could be accomplished. And trust me, they're intense.

(Sterile and generic, lol, WTH are those?! Never! Mwahahahaha!)

[argv]

well, my initial conclusion is that, medication *may* inhibit some intensity, but it's pointless to be creative if you have no motivation to do anything, are depressed, and can't get out of bed.

I still feel that my ideas, musicwise, are more "gritty" when I'm off meds, so again, I quit them for a weekend, play, record, then when I'm medicated I do the final touch ups.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by argv

well, my initial conclusion is that, medication *may* inhibit some intensity, but it's pointless to be creative if you have no motivation to do anything, are depressed, and can't get out of bed.

I still feel that my ideas, musicwise, are more "gritty" when I'm off meds, so again, I quit them for a weekend, play, record, then when I'm medicated I do the final touch ups.

I hear you on the depression issue. Also a very interesting way you are managing your creative energies.

Fortunately for me, I don't experience severe depression for extended periods. Since being medicated, my issues revolved around loss of identity, suicidality, hyperacousis, disorientation, paranoia, and the frustration with other people not sharing my experiences of sights, sounds, and feelings (or lack thereof).

I'm currently off all psych meds because I found after trying various meds for 18 months that I lost my sense of musicality and my emotional response to art. As a visual artist, that cost me everything in my career and shattered my identity. I have chosen to live with the pain (and joy) of labile moods and am finding success in rebuilding my identity and skills in seeing and portraying people in a way that originally brought clients my way. Normal / average / typical are not beneficial attributes in my line of work.

[argv]

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

I hear you on the depression issue. Also a very interesting way you are managing your creative energies.

Fortunately for me, I don't experience severe depression for extended periods. Since being medicated, my issues revolved around loss of identity, suicidality, hyperacousis, disorientation, paranoia, and the frustration with other people not sharing my experiences of sights, sounds, and feelings (or lack thereof).

I'm currently off all psych meds because I found after trying various meds for 18 months that I lost my sense of musicality and my emotional response to art. As a visual artist, that cost me everything in my career and shattered my identity. I have chosen to live with the pain (and joy) of labile moods and am finding success in rebuilding my identity and skills in seeing and portraying people in a way that originally brought clients my way. Normal / average / typical are not beneficial attributes in my line of work.

I hear ya. The great artists of yesteryear didn't have all these meds and things. They had to just survive. I have my opinions about drug companies and corporate America, however I am not yet a great artist, and unfortunately cannot live without a job. If I could find a gig where I could just make music all day, every day, I would gladly take it and probably end up with lots of money eventually. Perhaps. maybe. hopefully.

I would like to get a decent demo made and submit it to a label and see if something like that can be arranged, although that might sound like wishful thinking, it's better than listening to naysayers drone on about.. things that naysayers drone on about I guess. Unrealistic goals, whatever.

I'm glad you are finding your way again, even though you have to tough it out, it's kindof inspiring to me in a way, that someone feels like I generally feel regarding the use of meds and creativity.

[thinker22]

I am a writer and artist. There are two sides as people have been mentioning. I used to write great short stories, wrote a novel, and be expressive in multicolored poems. It's lucky if I can even squeeze out a poem any more. Writing intimidates me. Of course, before starting meds I was too depressed to write anything as well. This started in spring of 2008. I'm no longer severely depressed, but it feels like my creativity has dried up. It makes me feel like a failure and the meds seem to be a friend and an enemy at the same time. Can't live with them, can't live without...

All my focus now that I'm stable is on finishing my bachelor's degree in June. My major is in art. So I have required expression and I seem to do okay. Not nearly as great as I used to be, but then, I don't want to slip back into nearly catatonic depression. I'm thinking of weaning myself off my meds this summer, but then if things go terribly wrong I wonder if I'll go back to being incapacitated by my moods. And I'm trying to get into an MFA program. I so wish I was hypomanic again. My moods go from average to depressed, not high anymore.

All this to say, as for many others, the tradeoff is difficult, but you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

[argv]

Originally Posted by thinker22

I am a writer and artist. There are two sides as people have been mentioning. I used to write great short stories, wrote a novel, and be expressive in multicolored poems. It's lucky if I can even squeeze out a poem any more. Writing intimidates me. Of course, before starting meds I was too depressed to write anything as well. This started in spring of 2008. I'm no longer severely depressed, but it feels like my creativity has dried up. It makes me feel like a failure and the meds seem to be a friend and an enemy at the same time. Can't live with them, can't live without...

All my focus now that I'm stable is on finishing my bachelor's degree in June. My major is in art. So I have required expression and I seem to do okay. Not nearly as great as I used to be, but then, I don't want to slip back into nearly catatonic depression. I'm thinking of weaning myself off my meds this summer, but then if things go terribly wrong I wonder if I'll go back to being incapacitated by my moods. And I'm trying to get into an MFA program. I so wish I was hypomanic again. My moods go from average to depressed, not high anymore.

All this to say, as for many others, the tradeoff is difficult, but you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

If you do go off them, my only suggestion is to try to stick to a diet of lighter foods and stay away from things like sugar and maybe even caffeine (which I dunno if I could do) but I know when I'm eating right, that's like 50% of my bad feelings it feels like. I'm sure it can't hurt. The good thing about going off them for a while is that your immunity may decrease I guess. As for me, I think I'm still going to try to do the 'weekends off, weekdays on' thing.

[Confusedinomicon]

More creative when I'm stable. Can't pay attention to stuff long enough when not stable.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

THis is not really about meds or no meds, but when I listen to work of the artists out there... I always love their work when they are a mess. It's probably not even that I can relate, but it's their stuff is raw and intense and they come with these melodies and beats and lyrics. Once they get happy and clean, they start making generic sterile stuff.

and I am probably not the only one who feels this way.

Most definately. When Im in the crapper its always there in the back of my mind to write, even when I feel like Im dying. I write. The intense emotions bring out the talent.

[bipolarmedstudent]

I don't think meds have affected my creativity or my cognitive abilities at all. I'm actually more able to write and produce things, because before my thoughts were racing in so many directions that I couldn't focus on any one thing to completion. I was also obsessing over stupid stuff before, which was wasting my time. Now that I'm not obsessed with dumb stuff, my mind is freed up to be more productively creative.

[nacht]

Honestly, meds haven't affected my creativity at all. I still get plenty of ideas for things I want to do. If anything, I feel more alert, less anxious, and more clearheaded since I started my current cocktail, so it's definitely not my medication. Now my motivation's been in the toilet for some time, but I've been massively depressed for the better part of fifteen months.

That said, just the other day I sat down and churned out a good chunk of finished art, so I'm slowly getting that motivation back. And I've had a decent string of good days lately, despite my situation not having changed appreciably, so maybe this year I'll be able to write that novel I wanted after all.

[BuggsBunny]

I used to write short stories in my early bipolar days. Depression would bring out the best stories, as I'd work out my own issues using the stock of characters I had. (Axe murdered my therapist once. Very therapeutic, (LOL) I think I might have been mad at her that week.)

As I've aged and stabilized the tenor of my writing has changed to children's stories. I do a lot of bedtime stories that I'm trying to turn into a sellable book, but with my winter depression being so bad, I haven't found the motivation to work on it. I figure spring will give me a better outlook as well as the non-depressed motivation to get working on it.

So, for me, it kind of works both ways. Depressed, I write and write, but don't produce anything I'd want a sane person to read. Stable, I can actually write good stories, based on the bed time stories I've been telling the kids for so long. Stable, my imagination is much wider and clearer and I'm pleased to show it to others.

Devin Townsend stopped taking his bipolar meds specifically to record Strapping Young Lad's "Alien" album. Not condoning anything, but that album was incredible. Then again, SYL usually is anyway. : )

[argv]

Originally Posted by BuggsBunny

So, for me, it kind of works both ways. Depressed, I write and write, but don't produce anything I'd want a sane person to read. Stable, I can actually write good stories, based on the bed time stories I've been telling the kids for so long. Stable, my imagination is much wider and clearer and I'm pleased to show it to others.

Funny you say that cause I was just thinking.. the stuff I make is REALLY depressing sometimes, and when I'm medicated, I can't even stand listening to it. Ugh. But if I can make it angry instead of depressing that might be better. I dunno, I'm still trying to get my stuff together music wise. I wrote 12 very basic songs, but I only wanna keep about 6 of them.. but really, 50% is good, considering I usually only want to keep about 1 out of every 4 or 5 songs that I make.