[Xambgii]

I was recently suggested to look into BiPolar disorder. I've been researching it now. And I've also been looking around through this forum. I've found that I can really relate to a lot of the stuff posted here.

Now I'm asking...

How did you figure out you were BiPolar? What was going on at the time and what did you struggle with before you were diagnosed? Were you ever misdiagnosed at all?

I really want to know because after reading so much, getting replies to my posts, and after looking through this forum everything I have ever struggled with is starting to make sense.

[Miss Laura]

Hey there,

I was only diagnosised late 2010. I had previously diagnosised with depression. I was given the diagnosis after suffering a manic episode followed by a sever depressive 4 months. This included suicidal thoughts and actions along with self harming. Plus on top of that I did my research and suggested it to my GP as my friends thought that too. So my GP did a full history in depth. Referred me to Psychiatry and then it all started

[cocoabeans]

Before diagnosis? Several minor suicide attempts, self-injury, phases of excessive drinking, promiscuity, drug use, insomnia, bursts of creativity, some hallucinations and dellusional thinking, debt, moving around the world, getting stuck in foriegn lands with no money. All this was in phases, before diagnosis bipolar symptoms and some poor coping skills.

Was diagnosed bipolar, then within the same year depression (I ignored the bipolar diagnosis the first time went really manic on Prozac which led to more drugs, drinking and a serious suicide attempt) at 19. Then a few years later depression with anxiety, possibly bipolar because I had mentioned the previous diagnosis, then confirmed bipolar.

They say I got bipolar 2 but, I still have the habit of minimizing symptoms and am probably closer to 1 maybe a bipolar 1.5!

[Trippin2.0]

1st suicide attempt at 15, strange invincible bouts, like randomly asking my friends to dare me to run topless, bouts of promiscuity which directly conflicted with my sense of self. Knew something was 'off' but my mom convinced me I was just weak. Then major episodes started after my brother's murder in 2009, after a brief run thru of my history, the pdoc dxd me at my 1st visit in 2010 shortly after my dad died. Even tho I wondered how he could come to that conclusion so swiftly, I didn't doubt him. Finally I made sense...

[BipolaRNurse]

I think that was the biggest relief for me too.....finally, I made sense. I'm not particularly thrilled about being 'officially' bipolar, but I too was dx'd at my first pdoc visit after being suspicious about BP for years. A lot of calm has come out of that struggle against the disorder, and it doesn't hurt that meds are beginning to kick in either.

[hamster-bamster]

I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar II. I am strongly Bipolar I. As a Bipolar II, I was receiving Lamictal monotherapy which did not address mania. I had a near-lethal suicide attempt while on Lamictal. After that I was correctly diagnosed as I, but it took a few more years to arrive at my effective drug mix. The doctor who misdiagnosed me as Bipolar II saw all of it: I literally walked into his office with a huge shopping bag, but he still missed the mania. His was a very dangerous misdiagnosis.

But that is an unusual story. More typically, a misdiagnosis of major depression precedes the diagnosis of BP. Good luck sorting things out.

I figured out I was Bipolar due to my first seriously depressive episode. I had one back in 6th grade, a very serious one, but I chalked it up to hormones. But once depressed, & for a long time, I realized there was something wrong. And not conventional depression. I'm known for running high: insomnia, hyperactivity, nonstop talking, recklessness, grandiose plans, inflated ego, short fuse, dialated pupils, having lots of meaningless sex just on principle, doing more drugs than I normally would, always raring to go. Only when I was depressed did I realize it was mania. Well, that & my mother/sister/father all having been diagnosed. And destroying my own stability that I usually depend on, even if it's a small factor. I haven't changed a lot since then, but I'm ruining my life a lot less now that I am self-aware. EDIT - Had some psychosis, but didn't realize that until I had a massive psychotic break after my awareness was already in place.

[SunAngel]

Severe alcohol and drug use because I was self-medicating before I was diagnosed.

I also had severe mood swings. I recently went out with an old friend who I haven't seen for about 25 years and I told her that I had BP Disorder. She told me she knew something was up because she said I always had significant mood swings.

[Secretum]

I had recurrent depressive periods, complete with sui ideation and psychosis (though I didn't recognize it as psychosis until a few months ago). I knew something was wrong with me, and I felt like I was not meeting my potential. I felt like I was becoming nothing, and it scared me.

I also had periods of elation, racing thoughts, high productivity and grandiosity. These periods confused me, because they were so different from the depression that was my existence.

I finally went to see a pdoc, told her all of this, and got dx'd bipolar II. It was relieving to find out that I was not alone. Two other pdocs have since confirmed the dx.

[tcmoon52]

I have had BP as far back as I can remember. I was either depressed or Hypo-manic. I knew I was different, but had no idea what was wrong. Had a severe depression when I was 16, then cycled up and down for years. When I went to the Hospital for tests I was told I was a hypochondriac, it was in the early seventies. I was sent for a few 8 hour glucose tolerance tests. LOL When I was 21 I checked into Oregon State Mental Hospital in Salem Oregon. I was totally manic, it was 3 am so they gave me a knock out sleeping pill. I was there for 6 month's and they DX'd me with a anger Proplem. LOL In my twenties I was treated for my extreme anxiety and panic attacks with Valium. I spent most of my 20's rapid cycling. I did try drinking alcoholically for 3 years in my mid 20's, bad results. Got sober at 28, and a year later mis-DX'd with depression. Treated with SSNI, antidepressant. I started cycling higher and the med brought up my depression, so I spent more time in hypo-mania than depression. Built a nice business. Slept 3 to 4 hours a night, for 5 years, got a lot accomplished. Finally had my breakdown when I was 43, I spent 6 weeks with no sleep, spent 280 thousand on charge cards opening businesses over the phone, in all the time zones. Don't remember much of it. MY primary care doc DX'D me, tried to medicate me and I was off to Bankruptcy court. I stayed with my primary care doc way too long, with high doses of depokote and wellbutrin, he refused to treat my anxiety. My first 5 years were horrible. I got a Psychiatrist in 2000, and after many medication changes and adjustments I feel I am finally stable. I am on the depression side of the scale, And get my meds adjusted when I get manic which for me is a lot of mixed states and very little euphoria, which I miss terriblly. I have went on SSDI, live 600 yards from the Ocean and have simplified my life totally.

[Switch]

For me I didn't notice till university. A friend told me, as if he'd expected I'd known. I would go through periods of depression, usually your classical depression, and I wouldn't leave my room for days, wouldn't be able to get out of bed, life would seem pointless. And I would get a lot of hypomania (in fact, I'm pretty sure all of grade 11 and most of grade 12 I was hypomanic) where I would feel awesome. I remember having days where I would just say "my life is f****** perfect!" and it was, or at least felt like it. Everyone loved me, and if they didn't it didn't matter. I was a star when it came to drama and stuff like that, and I had a large circle of friends. There were a few mania's in there, but they were brief and I had friends there when they happened (lucky!) so I didn't jump off a bridge trying to fly.

University hit and I went into a lot of depressions and mixed states. I would struggle to just to class and in second year i failed a lot of courses because of it. I was constantly tired, and crying for no reason. If I was depressed in first year it would feel like there was no reason to be depressed, that I just was and I would cry but I wouldn't know why I'm crying. I started the process of getting a dx around that time. It's taken me 2 years... which is pretty impressive in my mind. I'm still working at treatment.

Lately I get a lot of mixed episodes, or super-ultra-extreme rapid cycling, where I'll be really happy and then suddenly really depressed, and then manic, and then calm down, and then sleep, or something like that. It's draining... Or I'll be manic, but feel depressed, but not be able to calm down. It's like getting pulled in two directions. It's brutal.

I'm a weird variety of Bipolar 2 apparently. The way it's always phrased is "you have a mood disorder that most resembles bipolar, and is very similar to bipolar 2" and so it's just bp2. I've got other issues too that make it hard to accurately dx everything at once.

Now, I'm seeing a social worker doing something that's really similar to CBT, and I'm getting on meds (currently on lithium and were seeing how that's going). I see a pdoc every 2 weeks, a social worker every week, and I'm getting into an inpatient program soon, and then after that there's some more CBT and group therapy. It sounds like a lot, but I'm also dealing with other things so don't be intimidated.

Well, that's bits and pieces of it... there's a lot to my life I guess, as short as it's been, and I'm not so good at remembering things. I didn't really do the whole drug/alcohol thing because of my upbringing and because the first time I smoked pot I dissociated and almost jumped off a building. Since then I've had a bit of an aversion, despite the want to try everything, and because I hate my manias so much that I just don't want to trigger that. Oh, but I did do the sex thing! Lot so the sex thing! My mother is now scared to look in my closet, lol. And an affair. And some really bad relationships. No SI because of a fear of cutting, and no suicide attempts because I know that my depression will lift if I can just last it out.

Hope this has helped, sorry it's so scrambled.

Good luck in your search.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Things I have done while manic or mixed:

- randomly deserted my tour group in a strange Eurpean city when I was 14.
- had a threesome with strangers I met at a party, even though I was a virgin at the time (hadn't even kissed anyone!)
- met strangers off the internet for sex multiple times
- bought $1000 of cocaine, kept it in my room for a couple months, then got really paranoid and flushed it all down the toilet
- thought I was a genius and that everyone at work was jealous and plotting to get me fired because I was so smart
- sent random people really long emails describing in detail how intelligent I am
- failed a course because I thought I didn't need to study
- lost a job because I was afraid to leave the house (so I didn't show up to work). My boss got worried about me and contacted my school to see if I was still alive, because I refused to answer emails or phone calls for two months. (I had no contact with the outside world for this time).
- contacted the police because I was convinced that a boy in my class was going to bring a gun to school and shoot everyone.
- thought that everyone was looking at me and talking about me. couldn't stand people looking at me.
- thought people far away could hear what I was saying, so I was afraid to talk when I was outside.
- got obsessed with buying a house with my boyfriend (we had been dating for 8 months at the time). I actually convinced him to PUT AN OFFER ON A HOUSE. Thankfully, our offer was rejected!! Talk about a close call!
- got really into extreme couponing, collected thousands of coupons, PAID for coupons, DROVE 2 hours to get coupons from someone, and spent two days straight every week typing up ENTIRE FLYERS into spreadsheets!
- obsessively scanned entire books, page by page, into the computer.

I also have spent thousands of dollars on various 'obsessions' that I subsequently discarded:
- ~$1000 on yarn and knitting supplies in one summer
- hundreds of dollars on art markers
- $2000 on makeup and skin care within a month
- 7 e-readers within a couple weeks
- 13 sets of bedsheets within a couple months
- thousands on energy drinks and meal replacement shakes
- thousands on ikea furniture and home organization in a month

I'm sure there is more, but that's what I can remember right now.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar II. I am strongly Bipolar I. As a Bipolar II, I was receiving Lamictal monotherapy which did not address mania. I had a near-lethal suicide attempt while on Lamictal. After that I was correctly diagnosed as I, but it took a few more years to arrive at my effective drug mix. The doctor who misdiagnosed me as Bipolar II saw all of it: I literally walked into his office with a huge shopping bag, but he still missed the mania. His was a very dangerous misdiagnosis.

But that is an unusual story. More typically, a misdiagnosis of major depression precedes the diagnosis of BP. Good luck sorting things out.

My old p-doc didn't think I was bipor for YEARS. Turns out I'm bipolar I. Talk about a big jump in diagnosis!

[tnlibrarian]

I was diagnosed as depressed and was told it was due to hormones. I was told by two doctors I was "borderline bipolar"--whatever that means--but was never sent to a psych. All anyone did was prescribe antidepressants. I was on Prozac the longest but also tried Wellbutrin and Prestiq. Prestiq was an absolute nightmare. When I went on it I became manic--although I didn't know what it was called at the time--rapid cycling and then crashed and became so suicidal my husband was afraid to let me shower and shave my legs without him sitting right outside of the bathroom on the bed.

I ended up going to the ER, walking up to the front desk and flat out telling the woman I was suicidal and needed help. The first time I left after sitting in a room alone for four hours. The next night I went back because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was going to kill myself the next day. That time they got me back immediately, put me in a room for psychotic patients and told me I would be arrested if I tried to leave. Several hours later I was taken to a psych hospital by an incredibly kind police officer. He stayed with me until he was positive I would be okay and taken care of. It was around 5 in the morning when I got there and by that night I had been evaluated by four different psych doctors and diagnosed as bipolar 1 by all of them. I'm now on Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Seroquel and then take Ativan as needed. I still have periods of not sleeping and suspect I'm slipping into a period of depression now. I have to get my meds adjusted or new ones added on here and there but I don't mind. Being diagnosed was one of the best things that ever happened to me because it saved my life and has made it better. I didn't see it that way until recently but now I understand that without the diagnosis I would be dead or, at the very least, probably divorced, without my children and living a life that would be a total mess.

[Xambgii]

I haven't had it nearly as severe as some of you....
But then again, some I can relate to a lot.....

I've had periods where I'm so depressed that I don't go anywhere for days on end. I just lay there and cry. Think of all the ways I can die. I absolutely hate myself. And I'm absolutely terrified at people. My grades drop. I have no interests in the things I love doing or I may have interests, but I can't do them.

I've also had periods of extreme creativity. I create unrealistic goals that I never actually achieve. I'm able to be at the top of my grades. I'm extremely outgoing and able to juggle many things at one time. I feel happy and I laugh and joke all the time. Last time I was like this, I thought I would be able to change high-schools and get myself into the top school in the district, for their art magnet. I was right. But now I realize that, that was an extremely stupid thing to do because I know I won't be able to handle it with all that I'm going through.

And then I have periods where I feel like I'm really hyper. But I'm also extremely depressed. I can't think because so many things are going through my head at once. I'm paranoid all the time. I hear a voice from time to time. I hallucinate. I can't sleep and I'm tired all the time. I can't control the things I say, and I end up going off for the stupidest reasons. I say mean things don't realize I'm doing it. I get irritated. I'm shaking. I feel so much creativity but I can't handle it all and end up freaking out. When I finally get out of this, go into a full blown panic attack. Once at the end, I tried to commit suicide.

These can last anywhere from a couple hours to months and months on end....

As far as the drug/alcohol abuse goes. I've never done that. But I have cravings.
I do have sexual impulses ALL the time, when I'm not depressed. But I keep them to myself.
And as far as spending, I'm not sure. I don't like going shopping by myself. But I have had periods where I've tried to throw my money around and buy things, but I'm forced to go out of the store.

[cocoabeans]

Xam? You're in high school? So, you're a teenager. Sexual cravings ALL THE TIME during your teenage years isn't a symptom of anything except, being alive.

[Xambgii]

Last time I checked, staring at multiple people you absolutely hate with oggly eyes, flirting and having fantasies about them, and trying to think of ways you can get alone with... them isn't normal.

I had psychosis starting at 11, lots and lots of depression, since I can ever remember. I was in counseling for depression by age 5. However I also had a very stressful home life. Full blown manic episodes with psychotic features by 13, and two failed suicide attempts by 17. I was dx first at 17 with Bipolar 1. I ignored it and things continued to get progressively worse. I was dx again at 27 again with Bipolar 1.

I'm gonna keep it short, there was much to much going on with me to write about. It was a nightmare all in all.

[funnylife]

I was officially diagnosed not to long ago and it is still a struggle to accept because my mom had mental disorders and it was hard to watch her struggle for so long. At first it was determined I had adjustment disorder and depression but even I knew that wasn't true. At the time I just got back from deployment and was doing things I shouldn't. Some people found out and an intervention was constructed. I am still struggling with whether or not there was something wrong before. Since being here though, its nice to know I am not the only one who thinks the thoughts I have.

[nacht]

Um... well, when I was younger my mood cycles had a very seasonal pattern and I didn't experience mania until I went to college, so I just assumed that I was getting burnt out because I was taking on more than I could handle. Which wasn't untrue, it was just that I was disregarding and downplaying all the other things going on.

I'd had a bad experience with a counselor when I was diagnosed with depression at 14, so it took a lot of coaxing from friends to get me to go to a doctor. He referred me to a pdoc, I got a script for an antidepressant, it put me into a mixed state and I tried - and thankfully failed - to commit suicide. I was dx'd with bipolar I in the hospital. So... about ten years and a single misdiagnosis, could have been worse.

I think what touched off the episode that ended in my diagnosis was just stress from overloading myself at school while hypomanic the previous semester. I took on my senior recital (which is roughly equal in workload and outside preparation to an undergraduate thesis if you've ever done one), I was in the opera program, I was the guest artist in a friend's graduate recital for her MFA, I was taking something like 22 credit hours, and I had final exams on top of all that. Stress has always been one of my big triggers.

I'd rather not list all the stuff I've done while manic. Some of it is personal.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bipolarmedstudent

Things I have done while manic or mixed:
- thousands on ikea furniture and home organization in a month

ditto. I have ELFA shelving from Container Store occupying one fourth of my living room, waiting to be measured, priced and posted on Craigslist. The sad thing: when I was manic and buying all that stuff (and I now see that the shelving I bought was way too much even for the large rental house we occupied at that time), I had a psychiatrist. My first p-doc. And once I walked into his office with this huge paper bag from the Container Store (home organization store) that read "Contain yourself". A patient clearly ask the p-doc to contain her. And what happens? He under-diagnosed as BP II and undertreated as a result.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

ditto. I have ELFA shelving from Container Store occupying one fourth of my living room, waiting to be measured, priced and posted on Craigslist. The sad thing: when I was manic and buying all that stuff (and I now see that the shelving I bought was way too much even for the large rental house we occupied at that time), I had a psychiatrist. My first p-doc. And once I walked into his office with this huge paper bag from the Container Store (home organization store) that read "Contain yourself". A patient clearly ask the p-doc to contain her. And what happens? He under-diagnosed as BP II and undertreated as a result.

My old pdoc, when I would show up with bags from having just been shopping, and I travel by foot, so no where to stash them. He would ask to see what I bought, and then he would talk about my purchases with me. Just lightly asking questions, surely looking to see if I was on a manic spending spree.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Xambgii

How did you figure out you were BiPolar? What was going on at the time and what did you struggle with before you were diagnosed? Were you ever misdiagnosed at all?

I know you are very curious and I want to be as accurate as possible...so I want to wait until I am ready to sit down and write my little shpeel...This is the second time I've tried to reply to this but right now i just can't...

But I promise you within a couple days I will try to respond again.

It's hard for me because I still do not understand my bipolar myself and I am still trying to accept that this is who I am and that I need to constantly monitor myself to keep myself from going crazy. It hurts because I will never know what it's like to feel normal. I will always be asking myself "Am I happy or am I manic?" or "Am I depressed or am I feeling life the way it should be?" I read your questions and thoughts just swarm into my head about the past year after my diagnosis and trying to understand my childhood knowing that this disorder is why I have always felt out of place.

Anyways...I promise I will return and answer your questions.

xoxo
Drskipper

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Xam? You're in high school? So, you're a teenager. Sexual cravings ALL THE TIME during your teenage years isn't a symptom of anything except, being alive.

LOL SERIOUSLY.

I once had an orgasm raking leaves, back in high school. And I'm a girl. A boy's sexual cravings are going to be 10000000000000x higher.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

ditto. I have ELFA shelving from Container Store occupying one fourth of my living room, waiting to be measured, priced and posted on Craigslist. The sad thing: when I was manic and buying all that stuff (and I now see that the shelving I bought was way too much even for the large rental house we occupied at that time), I had a psychiatrist. My first p-doc. And once I walked into his office with this huge paper bag from the Container Store (home organization store) that read "Contain yourself". A patient clearly ask the p-doc to contain her. And what happens? He under-diagnosed as BP II and undertreated as a result.

Back when I was in mixed state (last summer), my first pdoc (who didn't think I was bipolar), actually TOLD ME TO GO SHOPPING to feel better.

That's what set off my extreme couponing and my $10,000 shopping spree that fall/christmas.