I'm so unmotivated at the moment. But I have lots of stuff I need to do. I need to get my house in order by the weekend. My mother is coming, and she can be difficult. The best way I have found to have her here and things go smoothly or smother is to have my house in tip top shape. Yes I know this is stupid, but it's better than listening to her passive aggressive or just plain aggressive commenting. I'm serious, when she can't find something to harp on, she will find something. One time it was my sugar bowl because apparently she couldn't find anything else to complain about.

I also am supposed to start a big painting project, spring cleaning, garden and my pond need dealt with and on and on. I just don't have the get up and go. Do you guys have any motivational tips, tricks that work for you? Haha I'll try anything not to have to listen to my mother. Why isn't this motivation enough this time, don't know.

I wonder if my sisters and my pre mom-visiting cleaning leads her to start in on people when she can't pick on your cleaning? Ohh I think that would happen anyways.

Should have included anxiety in there. When my mom comes its just like waiting for an explosion. I love her but her visits usually end in complete chaos or someone not speaking to someone. Plus these headaches, I've woken up with a headache for almost three weeks, this mornings is bad. I wish I could just tell my mom well ihave had a headache for three weeks and that would be enough but it isn't. ahh now I'm getting grumpy.

[Trippin2.0]

MASSIVE sss Anika. I can only imagine the dread you must be feeling. Re-motivation: could trying to prevent the possible instability that might follow her visit help? Idk, I'm shooting in the dark here...

Thank Trippin,

Well my mom is one of the most Dysfunctional people I know. We've all tried different ways to talk to her, or get her to get help, or want help, or help her see how it hurts us an hurts her. She's gotten slightly better over the years in some ways and worse in others. So what I try to do now is just remind myself that it's not me it's her. She is ill, and I know that. Harder to do when she starts in on your children tho. She hasn't even met my bf's family yet because I'm so afraid of the consequences I will have to deal with. And it's been five years. She is talking about moving to our small city and it scares the crap out of me. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way.

She picks on my sisters husband and my bf worse than she picks in us. It's sort of insufferable. But I have the choice to either deal, or no relationship. She is the only " parent" I have, and I just can't choose the later so I have to deal.

Sorry I'm getting ranty, I'm just stressed, I need some peace. It upsets me more when I actually think about it. And I'm getting myself in a self pity mode here over not having parents. I should be use to it by now, none the less it hurts and sucks not matter how old I am.

[Trippin2.0]

Aww hun, I feel you on the no parent thing. Losing my dad made me realize how absent my mom has been my whole life, so I also don't want the no contact deal, and just trying to accept her unavailability and no hugs rule.
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Don't apologize for ranting, does you mom atleast acknowledge how she affects you? Coz then maybe you guys could work on agreeable boundaries, eg, no saying x to my kids...
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I'll be here for as long as you need to talk.

[Confusedinomicon]

Sometimes the best way to get motivated is just to start whatever you need to do. I have motivational problems studying for class. The hardest part for me is just to START. Once I get over the mental block of needing to start, doing whatever study I need to do comes easier. However I would break down the things you need to do into segments and write short term goals of what you'd like to accomplish by the end of the day. Taking 10-15 minute breaks every hour can help you stay motivated too.

The headache is probably not going to go away until your mum visits. Are you suppressing thoughts of her and what she will do? Sometimes if you try to suppress the stress of what you see is coming, there will be a rebound effect and you'll think of it even more.

For instance, lately I actually realized that I'm not invincible. The thoughts give me a lot of anxiety and I've had wonky physical symptoms. At first I tried to suppress the thoughts, but it caused my anxiety to go up. Instead, I started to let the thought come into me and flow out of me. I still think about it randomly throughout the day and I still get some anxiety, but its become less as I give that thought less power and accept it for what it is.

....I'll write a little more later. Brain Fart.

[~Christina]

Anika (((( HUGS))))

Im so sorry you are having all this stress piled on to you on top of everyday life. just do what you can and when she starts just "try" to tune here out ,, I know easier said than done ...
I lost both my parents by the time i was 35 and i get in the pity mode alot more then i should ,, but its hard not too ..
I wish your mom was more supportive and would get herself some help ...

Hopefully you can get thru this visit and no let it set you back ..

**** sending you tons of love*****

Awww thanks guys. Lots an lots.

Maybe I am supressing it. From the minute she arrives it will be " how come no body calls grandma? " even tho you do. " how come I never get anything on my birthday" even tho you get her gifts and call her, and she doesn't return the favor on your birthday. " how come you didn't clean your oven between each use, I did it all when you were kids" " how come your garden, pond, life, weight, kids.....?" " I wish I had such and such, but no one ever such an such for me.. Must be really nice". Ok pretty much every sentence will start or end like this.

She usually starts to get grumpy by 11 am and then she starts the silent treatment. That will last an hour or two. If she brings her husband he won't be able to talk with out being criticized or pounced on and it's uncomfortable to watch. With the grandkids it's " gee your putting on a lot of weight" or " how come you ignore grandma" if it's her favorite nephew it's " gee your parents are sure mean for grounding you for stealing their alcohol, your just a boy".

Ok does this sound familiar to anyone, any idea what it is. I'm scared to interduce her to my boyfriends mother because she will be sooo jealous she won't be able to contain herself. I wish I knew what was going on in her head so I could deal better. Sorry I should point out this is her being well behaved.

Confused, thanks! Taking your advice, I'll make some systematic lists, and just get started, ya that's the hardest part.

[Trippin2.0]

Sheesh, sounds like my sister on a good day. I understand ALOT better now
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I zone out most of the time I'm around her. Which thankfully is only on rare family occasions. Zoning out works, unless she insults me, recently I've resorted to retorting and making her feel tiny and then I swiftly move on, allowing her to absorb what just happened (HUGE feat for me, she's 12yrs older and has been picking on me my whole life) buuut, N0T something I recommend doing to your mom!
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Wish I had answers but I don't. All I can offer is my empathy and support

So far I got my fridge and oven done, cupboards drawers, bathrooms, carpet shampooed, floors, laundry, baseboards ect. Patio done, laundry room clean. I just have the kids rooms and my spare room left. Yay!!!!!!!

My house wasn't really dirty to start with. Just lived in, I've slacked off lately but not too badly. I'm just happy it's getting done. My mom will have nothing to complain about. I feel less guilty for not doing, and my house is nice and clean. Feels good getting out of my procrastination rut I've been caught up in.

[Confusedinomicon]

I'm so proud of you Anika! Way to reduce the stress. <333333333

[Trippin2.0]

I knew you could do it! Hope Easter brings you pleasant suprizes

[moremi]

Good Job Anika!!
Hope the visit goes better than expected. I will be thinking about you. Hope you and the kids have a Happy Easter!!!

Awww thanks guys!!!!! <3

I hope you all have a good Easter tooo!!!! I'm feeling better about it all now. Just gotta finish up some stuff and I can relax for a bit, think I should squeeze some yoga in. I cannot wait to get my chocolate!!!!! Even tho I'm lactose intolerate an chocolate makes me puke. I love it tho!

[roads]

I'm glad you're getting things to your (& your mom's) level of satisfaction. You are so tenacious once you set your sights on something--a trait I hugely admire in my Anika buddy-bud.

In my family the judgmentalist was my dad. His health prevented him from flying or driving at altitude, so when I moved out to the western US he could no longer visit me. While he still visited, though, my mom would short-circuit his crazy-making visits by presenting him with white gloves when he first entered my place, starting a kitchen timer, and saying, "Okay, Herr General, 15 minutes for your inspection and comments, then this visit commences!"

He didn't think it was in the least bit funny, but she cracked me up every time. I was so grateful to her I didn't care what he said.

[~Christina]

Glad you got things done for YOUR sake not your mothers LOL

I hope you and your kids have a wonderful Easter

(((HUGS)))