[alwaysecondbest]

Hi, I need some advice and I can't go to my friends because I know they will judge me so I'm coming here to hopefully get some help. Four years ago I was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder and was being treated for depression bc of attempts at suicide by taking pills and other self harm. Everyone thinks that four years ago I was "cured" but that isn't the case. Since then I have become addicted to pills, cut, and had an eating disorder. But that isn't what I need advice about. I'm in college and my bipolar has become so horrible I never leave my bed. I know I need to tell my Mom but I don't want people to think I'm a disappointment. I love my college and everyone in it and I don't want to leave but I know I will have to. I know I need help but I don't know what to do and I'm literally crying while typing this bc I can't handle my stupid emotions.

[tnlibrarian]

First, go to the student health center and let them know what is going on. Many times they can refer you to mental health services that are available on campus. Second, have you declared your major? If you have, make an appointment to talk to your dean. Tell him or her what is going on and see if you can get put on academic probation. That will give you the opportunity to bring your grades up or retake the classes you are failing or making low grades in. Finally--and this is the most important--talk to your Mom. If she helped you before she'll help you now. You're not a disappointment. You're a person who is in crisis and needs help. KUP on how you're doing. You'll find everyone here is unbelivably understanding and caring.

[bpktvikesfan]

I had a pdoc tell me once, while i was hospitalized and not stable at all, and his words have helped me for the last 9 years deal with my bipolar diagnosis....hopefully you will find solace in this, "It is the chemicals that concern me, NOT your character." short, sweet but says a lot. Hang in there and you are by far not alone....as a mom, i say talk to her!

[Trippin2.0]

No judgement here. The advice above is 1st class, please take it. Sending soothing hugs your way, please keep us updated, we're here when you need to talk
Take care

[onlymedid]

no judgement here, either. You need to talk to your mom, though. Sounds like you need a psychiatrist to help with the meds and getting you through these tough times. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right meds, but trust me, it is so well worth it!!!!

[BuggsBunny]

No judgement here, we've all been thru this in one form or another. I had the same problems at college and had to leave for a year while I got my act together. The good news is, I went back to my own beloved college.

Now, telling Mom. It's a must, but if you have been this sick , are you sure your Mom hasn't noticed some problems? Did you go home for Christmas? Have you faked it so well on the phone and during the holidays that Mom couldn't see even the tiniest bit wrong? She may already have a clue.

It's still necessary. Start with the lesser things. Mom, my depression has gotten really bad. I'm not getting out of bed. I need to get some more help. That will get her started. Then, when you feel ready, Mom, my bipolar is back. You needn't go into the horrible details until you get some help and Mom has adjusted to the fact that you are in trouble again. It doesn't have to hit her all at once, in fact, it would overwhelm her if you did. But you need the backing of your Mom, and telling her is a must.

Keep posting. We're here to back you up.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by alwaysecondbest

Hi, I need some advice and I can't go to my friends because I know they will judge me so I'm coming here to hopefully get some help. Four years ago I was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder and was being treated for depression bc of attempts at suicide by taking pills and other self harm. Everyone thinks that four years ago I was "cured" but that isn't the case. Since then I have become addicted to pills, cut, and had an eating disorder. But that isn't what I need advice about. I'm in college and my bipolar has become so horrible I never leave my bed. I know I need to tell my Mom but I don't want people to think I'm a disappointment. I love my college and everyone in it and I don't want to leave but I know I will have to. I know I need help but I don't know what to do and I'm literally crying while typing this bc I can't handle my stupid emotions.

The first thing you need to do is drop any classes you are in danger of failing or doing poorly in. It is MUCH harder to get a grade removed after the fact, than it is to just drop the class while you are still taking it. Trust me, I made this mistake once. Get in touch with student health services and disability services at your college, and have them help you apply for a leave of absence from your college.

Call your mom and tell her you are severly depressed to the point that you can't get out of bed. Tell her you need help, that you need to see a psychiatrist. And tell her you were in danger of failing your classes, which is why you took a leave of absence.

Good luck.

[cybermember]

Please don't think you are a disappointment. Stuff happens and this just happens to be one of those times. Bipolarmedstudent offers great advice in dropping your courses and taking a leave of absence. Just know that if you're up to it you could always return in a semester or two.

[sxprt]

Before I was officially diagnosed Bipolar, I dropped college in my 4th year. Got diagnosed, meds on board, worked full time and got my life on track (as much as possible at the time). Came back 2 years later and pulled out great grades, and graduated with a BA.
Take a step back and evaluate.
Good luck

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by bpktvikesfan

I had a pdoc tell me once, while i was hospitalized and not stable at all, and his words have helped me for the last 9 years deal with my bipolar diagnosis....hopefully you will find solace in this, "It is the chemicals that concern me, NOT your character." short, sweet but says a lot. Hang in there and you are by far not alone....as a mom, i say talk to her!

I love this I love this I love this...Thank you for posting!

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

No judgement here. The advice above is 1st class, please take it. Sending soothing hugs your way, please keep us updated, we're here when you need to talk
Take care

Exactly. A lot of times we, including myself, get so worked up and worried about what others will think about us that we don't get the help that we need. people.

[Aslan]

do something. get the help, let the pieces fall together.goodluck

[BuggsBunny]

I, too, had to take time off of college to get my bipolar treated. I didn't completely stop, I took classes at a local jr college that would transfer back to my university. I also took some that just pleased me and gave me some of those whatever course credits. You know the ones, you can take anything you want to fill in the blanks between your major and minor requirements. Taking these classes kept me in touch with studying and college in general, and I could take any number of courses, depending on my BP status.

[Nixi]

Oh sweetheart, no judgements here either- I have also struggled with self harm and tablets...I am on the road to recovery doing much better than I ever thought I would when I was in those dark and dismal days!! I agree with all the wonderful advice above!!
Pls talk to your mum! You are NOT a disappointment to her at all!! I'm sure she has noticed that things aren't right. If you talk to her it may actually help relieve some of her concerns. I'm sure she'd much rather you talk to her and you get help from your pdoc, than you don't talk and things get worse. As was said earlier it's the chemicals that are at fault not you!!! So it's vital that you go to your pdoc and get some meds to help balance things up!

Good luck and big hugs xxxx

[bluematador]

Are you using your college disability access resources and getting your meds adjusted by your pdoc. I went through a really difficult time with my BP while I was in college this year. It lasted for six months. I had to drop a class and get extra time on assignments. I also spent a week in the hospital. I didn't have to drop out though. I made it through fall and winter quarter even though I spent a lot of time in bed. I brought my books to the hospital and was able to study part of the time I was there. I was a complete mess. I have a great T and pdoc. They helped me get through it. I tried to hang myself at one point. I hope you have a lot of support. Having support was essential to my recovery. The college I go to is really supportive, the faculty is supportive and I have a couple of friends that are supportive. I always try to remember that there is something I can do even when I am overwhelmed by the disabling emotions and impulses of this illness. This carries me through the storm. Last year I spent three weeks in the hospital and I had to drop all my classes. I bounced back and jumped back in. Now I am a senior. I hope you don't give up. It's hard sometimes but it can be done and it is so rewarding. There are so many success stories out their. I think of it as an adventure. My own mind is my adventure. I don't have to travel to Tibet or Peru. I can have an adventure any time!

[alwaysecondbest]

I am working on dropping the classes I'm failing. The semester is almost over but I am still having a hard time getting up the courage to talk to her. I just wish it was easier...

I haven't went to anyone at my school to talk about it though. I'm not sure who exactly I should go to and I don't want them to think I am just making excuses. I don't know I hate that I am in this situation.