Defeated

(((((Trippin))))) I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Had to take some time because it hits really close to home. Thing is, I didn't think I was depressed either. It felt so very rational. As it turned out, hmm, not so much. Just sayin'.

So many good things said. Please take these good things to heart, Trippin. Ok? Please?

you guys. I could have an online safety contract couldn't I? Not sure exactly how that woul work tho... Do I check in daily or something like that?

I think it could work online. Just report in every 24 hours and be honest about how you're feeling.

So proud of you. Words can't even say.

Yes!!! And I was going to suggest this but I wasn't sure if you would like that. Check in daily. And I was goin to ask you to check in anyways because if you suddenly disappear, I think many of us will fear the worst for you Trippin.

You could post a contract and check in daily on that thread. That way you can see the contract as well. I know I would be more than happy to make sure you are checking in. I was just at such a loss when I saw thread, you are so dear to me. I hate that I can't be there for you in real life. I'm really proud of you too, and manic dad! Trippin, I hope this will help you. I know we will be willing to help you smash out ideas for a contract or help you any way we can. Seriously, just say the word!

Much love to you xoxox

There have been some huge developments at home in the last hour. My eldest niece (read sister) was admitted to the hospital for an OD, she's going to be ok physically, but her parents are basically forcing her to move back home with the baby. Thing is, I don't understand... I tried talking to her about my subsequent defeat and she basically echoed everything you guys had to say, and now look where she is... She's angry at her parents ( for something she really can't blame them for) she was REALLY rude to her mom, and told her she wants nothing to do with her parents or sisters... I tried to be the voice of reason yesterday, but she was furious at her mom for catching her out in a lie ( long bf related story) anyway, she's NEVER been able to admit to being wrong and apologizing, never in her 23yrs, and now it feels like, she'd rather swallow a bunch of pills than make ammends with her family, who are now FORCED to push her behaviour aside and look after her anyway...

Idk how I feel about this. I think I'm furious because here I am struggling to NOT be miserable and she goes out of her way to MAKE herself miserable. it's like 1 of her signature moves or something, and it's sickening, and I'm tired of it.

Anyway back to my contract. I CANNOT worry about anybody else's sh,t right now, my plate is full enough as is...

Any ideas on the basic terms of the contract?

Yes, focus on you right now. She can and will get thru this.

As for the contract, I'm not sure really. I've never had one before. But I think that the idea of having a thread devoted to it is a good one. That way, you can check in every day. I also think honesty is really important. If you're having a down day, say so. We don't judge you and we won't flip out. We just wanna support and love you.

The ones they made me write out and sign were very simple. "I will not self harm in any form or make any preparation for suicide before (date)."

Trippin, contract looks great. I'm am soo thankful you decided to try this. Keeping my finger, toes, arms, legs.. Crossed for you. You can do this!!!!

Trippin, I have not been on here a lot lately. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. My heart goes out to you. I read your post and literally pictured myself when I was sitting in my bathroom on the floor waiting for the end. I have been there. I know exactly how you were feeling. Please though, think of the kids. There is NO ONE who can replace YOU. No matter what you do or say or try to write in your letters you can never convince them that it wasnt somehow their fault. They will blame themselves. This is what has kept me alive. I know that I can not leave that on their chest. I have to live or exist as I sometimes say for the benefit of my two kids. I have been down the line and there are so many people who are much better off than me mentally and financially but they still cant give my children what I can. There is no replacement for us. We have to struggle through barely hanging on because its what we have to do. Things do get better. We are bipolar. It may take weeks months or years but it will get better and then we will cycle again but its how we are programmed and it cant be changed.
You are such a helpful enlightening wonderful spirit. You help so many people on PC, I have seen it. You are there understanding and listening and you have probably saved lives and didnt even know it.

The contract is an awesome idea. I will be waiting to see you check in today. I will be on and off. Please keep your head held high. You deserve a good life and I believe you can have one. Your a wonderful parent, dont ever think anything less. Hugs to you and Im here if you ever need to talk.