[hamster-bamster]

Today my ex-husband ended whatever remained of the relationship. Sure, we separated 3 years ago, but there was something left. No - now more. He wants to forget about me and all those people who I have brought to our lives, and build a life for himself. I am in search of ways to commemorate it in my mind. Music, perhaps?

Nothings over. Nothing is ever over.

Having said that, I would highly recommend trying to put all that behind you. Someone who tells you they want nothing to do with you anymore is not worth it. He'll be back though. People have a way of gravitating back to their past every now and then whether they like that or not.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by NotCrazyLikeYou

Nothings over. Nothing is ever over.

Having said that, I would highly recommend trying to put all that behind you. Someone who tells you they want nothing to do with you anymore is not worth it. He'll be back though. People have a way of gravitating back to their past every now and then whether they like that or not.

I hope so. The trouble is, my hoping so makes it impossible for me to put it all behind me.

I feel surprisingly empty.

Hamster, you do need to find a way to put it behind you. Maybe one day you will be able to be friends.

I never did gravitate back to my ex. Not ever. That is a much different circumstance tho. You need to do the same thing as he is, and rebuild a life for yourself. It might be different than what you pictured, but it can still be great. Music sounds like a good idea, be kind to yourself. Do something that makes you feel good too. It's important to process things, sometimes it's better to do it small pieces.

[Trippin2.0]

Lots and lots of gentle s as many as you need. Wish I had something profound to say, to give you hope for your future...
.
You need to forgive yourself, so that you can heal and move forward

[Anneinside]

When I got divorced I took some of the settlement money and bought a gem stone, spinel, and had a ring made. I love that ring.

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you, thank you. It is great to know that you are here for me. I listened to Evanescence (which he suggested) many times and found it much to the point on the subject of emptiness inside. I am not crying; I wish I were.

[hamster-bamster]

I am angry and bitter, it is unbelievable. He thinks it has all been my fault, all, to the last drop. Transgressions against him and the girls. As if I have done nothing good. He expects me to be so ashamed as to WANT on my own to not bother them forever. I cannot help thinking of the time the older one is in college - I would contact her then. He keeps telling me that he has been warning me many times over that my behavior would lead to this end. I bitterly think that I wish he simply booked an appointment with a doctor and led me there, a great many years back. Likewise with a family therapy appointment - not wait for me to do it for years, but go f*** ahead. Further, he holds me responsible for everything I did while manic, and I want a break. Cannot find peace.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I am angry and bitter, it is unbelievable. He thinks it has all been my fault, all, to the last drop. Transgressions against him and the girls. As if I have done nothing good. He expects me to be so ashamed as to WANT on my own to not bother them forever. I cannot help thinking of the time the older one is in college - I would contact her then. He keeps telling me that he has been warning me many times over that my behavior would lead to this end. I bitterly think that I wish he simply booked an appointment with a doctor and led me there, a great many years back. Likewise with a family therapy appointment - not wait for me to do it for years, but go f*** ahead. Further, he holds me responsible for everything I did while manic, and I want a break. Cannot find peace.

He is angry.

As to the bold -- I have this resentment as well. Last summer, I really needed help, and my bf just didn't pick up on it. Instead of calling my pdoc or my parents to get me help, he just quietly seethed at me. He made it all about himself and how I wasn't meeting his needs. But I was in the midst of a mixed episode. I needed help, and he should have seen that. He should have ignored his own needs and stepped up to meet mine. Instead, he stood idly by as I lost my beloved job. I told him that he failed me as a partner. He got really upset when I said that.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bipolarmedstudent

He is angry.

As to the bold -- I have this resentment as well. Last summer, I really needed help, and my bf just didn't pick up on it. Instead of calling my pdoc or my parents to get me help, he just quietly seethed at me. He made it all about himself and how I wasn't meeting his needs. But I was in the midst of a mixed episode. I needed help, and he should have seen that. He should have ignored his own needs and stepped up to meet mine. Instead, he stood idly by as I lost my beloved job. I told him that he failed me as a partner. He got really upset when I said that.

Thank you. I would never have collected enough courage to tell me ex-h. that he failed me, but I share your resentment. He also used to be a mental health worker, so I feel entitled to expect, not just general admonishing "to see a doctor for your issues", but a specific "I think you inherited manic depression from your mom and need help". I would have been more inclined to react constructively to the latter.

[BlackPup]

Sorry that u have to go through this. I hope you can find some closure in this and find a way to move on. Sending you some s to help get you through this horrible time.

[Rosie23]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Today my ex-husband ended whatever remained of the relationship. Sure, we separated 3 years ago, but there was something left. No - now more. He wants to forget about me and all those people who I have brought to our lives, and build a life for himself. I am in search of ways to commemorate it in my mind. Music, perhaps?

Ending a marriage is parallel to a death. As I have been divorced and widowed I can tell you that it is a fact.

We put a great deal of time and energy into a marriage and when it ends. No matter why, there is grief involved.

Don't kick your self over the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. It's pointless. Celebrate the good times, don't dwell on the bad.

[mommyof2girls]

Hamster-bamster....Sending you big hugs....I can personally relate to your pain.....My marriage ended quickly as well when I was diagnosed back in 2005, he dropped me like a hot potato.....Hang in there sweetie....

[moremi]

Im so sorry you are going through this. Love can be the best or hurt the worst. I know how you feel about being with him for so long. You do have to put yourself first because no one else is going to do it for you. You have to work on you and not feel guilty for being sick. You are a good person and deserve a strong partner who can hang and pick up the slack when needed. He sounds like hes not strong enough of a person to be with you. Weak minded or close minded people can not handle us. Just be the independent person you are deep down inside and stand on your two feet with your shoulders held high. You are a beautiful person and you deserve better. You can and will get better, it just takes time and perseverance. You will come out on top and look back at this and hopefully he will be standing beside you being your friend looking back on the times you held on by your toes, but the point is that you held on and pulled yourself through. He may come around but it will be after you realize you can be your own person. Keep posting here because we all believe in you. Message me anytime you need. Hugs to you

[Irreplaceable]

How old is the poster? Poster, how old are you? Yes I'm asking for a reason...Moving along...

My response is intended to both make you laugh and smile, while giving you some good tips...Things that I've learned from experience...

First, cry cry cry cry it out. Allow yourself the time to grieve and mourn the ending of your relationship. During this time, come to peace with yourself and the mistakes that you have made. Also, remember that he wasn't without fault during the marriage. Come to peace that the right decision has been made to dissolve the marriage. During this time, listen to music. Music is like therapy to me. Don't listen to "Oh please come back I love you" music. Listen to music that empowers you and says, "I'm tired of the drama I'm moving on!". During this time have very limited contact with him. When you talk, it should be to talk about the kids. He is another woman's problem or responsibility and what he does shouldn't be of concern to you. Grieve and let it go.

Second, make sure that you have a friend or someone who is willing to allow you to vent and can provide you with advice. It's good to have a support system for support during a breakup.

Work on yourself. You are without a partner so now is the time to work on yourself so that when you do meet the next person, you are ready and without baggage. Maybe change your appearance a little. You know how women cut their hair when their relationship ends? Change your hair color, cut your hair, get in shape. Do something that will make you feel good and feel like a new person. Cutting hair after a breakup is symbolic for shedding/letting go of the past relationship. Give yourself a mini make over. Make your ex ask himself why he let you go. Don't do it to get him back, do it to empower you and make him think twice. While he is thinking twice, ignore him and keep it moving.

An idle mind is the devil's workshop. Fill your time with things to do. Exercise, find hobbies, crochet, do whatever. Spend time with yourself and treat yourself. For example, treat yourself to massages, manicures, pedicures. Go out with friends or occupy your time by doing things with your friends. Go out to bars, clubs, etc. Dance and have fun. Live life. Meet new men. Enjoy yourself being single!!! Maybe try attending a male review. If you do go to one of those, for the love of Pete please don't look like one of those painfully obvious desperate women. I become embarrassed for them when I witness some of the foolery. I'm telling you, there is nothing like that visual reminder of what other men look like and what other men can do when it comes to...Well, you know...

***clears throat***
Now this next one...Is totally up to you...And because I'm on my work pc, and because I don't want to offend anyone on here, I won't blurt out this next one. I will however hint. Get you a new man. I know I know I know...The thought of a relationship right now is not what is on your mind...You don't need him for a relationship. Use him, then leave him. Get one good one out. Just one night. All you need is one good "ONE"...Just one good "ONE". If you are a older woman, now is the time to become a cougar. I repeat, now is the time for you to become a cougar! Find you one, do what you do and relieve some stress! By God by the time you are done, your ex won't even be on your mind. You need to get it out.

Change your mentality. If this relationship is really over, you thinking there is still a chance of reconciliation is a bad idea. By having this mentality, you will remain mentally stuck in this relationship. You won't be giving yourself a chance to move on in your life. You're holding on to hope, crying and upset, meanwhile, he isn't thinking about the relationship. The relationship you should be trying to foster is your relationship with your kids. A man will come and go but your kids are your blood and they will forever be in your life.