[ggtina]

I hate my ****in life right now. My mom is driving me up a wall she doesn't understand.. I try telling her she throws it back in my face what the ****!

[ggtina]

Just be easier to end this **** ... less to worry about.

[unaluna]

it's hard to realize when you're on the receiving end of it (as I am myself right now), but don't let someone else's craziness or limitations or stupidity or meanness or just WHATEVER - limit how far YOU will go in life or what you will do or learn or love or have. I know, it doesn't seem right, and in the animal kingdom, if your mother doesn't want you or protect you adequately, you're dead, that's it. I think that's part of why we feel so terrible, our survival instinct gets supremely screwed up.

[so_punk_rock]

Please dont kill yourself. you might be suprised at how strong you are and the things you can overcome. i dont want to give you some bullsh*t speech about how great life is, because im pretty young and i dont really know. what i do know is that i dont like my life right now so i want to make a better one for myself, and you should too. i hope that you feel better soon.

[ggtina]

Well here's hoping today will be a better day Sleep first!

[ggtina]

oh another thing she is asking me to do it get somebody to handle my finances pay my bills for me she doesn't want to do it though.

Apparently I am lying to my pdoc. I was under the assumption if my pdoc asks me how I am doing she's asking in the now. Not the past 2 weeks. Blah! I seem to always tell pdoc i am feeling good lol because at the time I am.

My mom thinks I should go back sooner to pdoc or possibly her come with me to an appointment to advocate for me?!?

And wow don't ever explain to your parent's that you think of killing yourself on an almost daily basis. It freaks them out. WTF? Just trying to be honest with them.

I think there slowly starting to realize why I got kicked out of the Navy. I never told them why but I was originally discharged for having BPD ((( Pdoc's exact words your behaviors and diagnosis were not conducive to military service and as we had 3 days between underway and deployment I had extremely limited options for treatment. Self mutilation and suicidal ideation are service disqualifying and my responsibility to the Navy was to ensure individuals not deploy who would not function well in a deployed environment." )))

[bowhunt72]

I know my situation is not the same as yours but there are a few things we have in common. I am not ex-military, but I was forced to take a disability retirement after 15 years as a firefighter/paramedic because of my bp and other psych diagnoses. Never got caught cutting on duty, but I had to clean up blood really fast a few times so I didn't. I don't take anyone with me to my T appointments because I think I'm being too personal and open to let anyone else hear what I have to say, but I try to always take someone to my pdoc appointments. That's usually my wife. Even though we are legally separated and living apart, she still does her best to take care of me with my psych stuff. I like to have her along because I have a hard time being objective about my symptoms since I'm the one in the middle of them and she can often see clearer than I can. I also have a lot of problems with my memory when it comes to my episodes, don't know if it's med side effects or the bp itself or whatever, but she can give my pdoc info that I wouldn't be able to because I can't remember it in the right order or just can't remember it at all.

SU thoughts are extremely difficult to explain to anyone. Do you think your mom would be willing to go to your pdoc with you and advocate for you if you can explain that you have no control over them, they're just there, and they're part of what you're seeking treatment to get better for? Depends a lot on the pdoc, but most of the ones I've seen are willing to take me more seriously instead of just blowing me off like I'm on a rant or poor-little-me trip or something if I have someone sitting there with me saying yes, that's how it is, and this is how I've seen him act and feel. I understand that talking about this with your mom might be very uncomfortable, but it might be worth it if it can get her there on your side.

I hope this works out for you. Remember that there are a lot of people here pulling for you and caring about you. Please keep letting us know how you are doing.

[SunAngel]

I want to tell you that you are probably very young. Be assured that you can never take back suicide.

I was in your place a long time ago with the exact same feelings. I am so glad all my suicide attempts failed because life is so good for me now. If you kill yourself, you will be missing out on what lies ahead of you and those things could be great.

Everything with BP Disorder passes, but if you offed yourself, you wouldn't get to experience the good/happy things that your future holds for you.

I hope you start to feel better quickly. If you can, try to tune out your mom. It is very difficult to do but it seems to me that she is toxic for you right now. ((((Hugs))))

[MissNemoNemo]

Originally Posted by ggtina

Well here's hoping today will be a better day Sleep first!

Sleep can make all the difference in getting through another day! I hope good sleep to you and that you feel better when you wake.