[3little.birds]

I know it's long but I'd appreciate some help, truly.

So. I'm twenty and basically live at my boyfriends house. I mean I live home, but I basically always sleep there and am considered a part of his family.. We are planning to get our own place in august.

His mom is great in many ways-- but she is a strong person, and knows what she wants when she wants it. Like yesterday-- she decided that everyone needed to drop what they are doing and clean the entire house. My boyfriend works full time, and makes more than his mom does (and his step dad makes a ton of money). The day before yesterday she did ask my bf to clean the bathroom, just not the entire house.. But anyway, just to pain a full picture here, I do all of my bfs laundry at his house, all mine (and some of the rest of my familys) at my house. I clean my bfs room daily, I clean my own maybe weekly. I do dishes at his house everday (not all of them), and I do dishes at my house maybe every other day. I help clean his entire house on days his mom decides more often than once a month. I clean more than his 16 year old sister.

Yesterday, for example, I cleaned half of the bathroom, the entire dining room, their spare bedroom, and his mothers bathroom. I was the first out of everyone cleaning and the last.

Now-- my bf knows it bothers me that I do more housework at his than anyone else and wants me to just sit in his room while he does it all. But I'm not like that, and he doesn't do these things half as fast as me, and works full time, so I just do it so he can sit down with me and we can relax together.

It crawls under my skin that we are not moved out yet.. Drives me absolutely crazy. And has for over a year and a half now (on and off at least, but I think about how bad I wanna move out at least once a day).

Now to our fight -- we fight over my doing more housework constantly, but last night he was telling me how we have it so good. Everything is just peachy. That freaked me out. I feel like it is me versus the world enough, then he goes and say something like thAt? I can't even have a quiet place to do homework when I want. I have no privacy. I don't have the freedom I need. I am slowly but surely going insane. And he is going to tell me how good we have it.

Sure, things are pretty good, except for the fact that I need to be on my own, in my own house, only taking care of my and his own chores, and doing them whenever the hell I want!

After he said that then he proceeded to tell me how I was feeling (mad according to him), which always sets me off on him. Don't f$&@ing tell me how I am feeling. but I told him I was really just miserable, depressed, and feeling very alone in the world, once again.

No one gets it . Including him. He wants to move out but not nearly as much as me. August is so freaking far away .

Am I wrong in any of this? Help?

[BuggsBunny]

I think it's reasonable to want your own home at this point. And if your bf thinks you have it so good, then it's likely because you are taking care of him - doing his laundry, cleaning his room, and working so hard around the house. He has it good, not you.

[Victoria'smom]

I would make a list of things you need (ie. space and quiet to do work) and things you do now vs. your own place. I really just think he has no idea how much time and effort you put into making his life easier. Most of your chores are double because essentially your living two places. I would have him use a day off to do your daily chores. So that maybe he'll realize how much effort you have to put in for you guys to " have it so good". I know it'll be hard to sit there and wait but it's only one time.

[3little.birds]

You are very right buggsbunny..

The thing is that his solution to it is him doing all of it. Which means I will just never be able to sit down with him. So I lose either way. I am a list person, so I absolutely will be making a list like you suggested miguelsmom but that's going to be his answer-- "stop doing it, I will just do it!". And when he "does something" it means that the dirty clothes pile up, credit card bill goes unpaid, etc. which ultimately turns into more work for me in the end! If I don't open his mail then it gets unopened! I don't mind doing all of this, i am really good at it, but it's not our house! it's his house!

And then when I stop doing it, his mom will judge me as being a bad girlfriend because she is one of those women that believes that women should do all the housework -_-..

How much do you guys think is enough to have saved in savings account before moving out and renting a place? (we will be putting away about 500/month into the savings once we move out). Is 5 thousand enough? Really closer to three after we buy furniture and stuff you just need around a house.

[Trippin2.0]

Can't you spend more time at your house then? That's what I would do anyway, my space to rest, study or whatever. And if my mom is yelling for whatever reason, atleast it's MY mom, not some other lady imposing her will on me. I can understand why you'd clean up after your bf if you were there to help him mess, but if its messy after you arrive?? I'm sorry I just don't get it... Like I said, I'd spend more time at home until August, but if home is unbearable (idk your situation) I'd point out that bf has it good not you, and keep pointing it out.

[3little.birds]

Homes not unbearable, but I want to be with the bf. lol that's why I put up with it all. I'm spoiled in that I get to cuddle up in bed with him every night, and don't know if I can go back to without it. My house is smaller with even less privacy, I have a twin bed, and my tv is super small while he has a bigger one. His house is just all around more comfortable for us to hang out at- minus the chores.

That's why no one understands why I'm so set on getting out right now, because my situation doesn't seem "all that bad". But I just kinda feel trapped. Idk. Maybe I'm just being whiny?

when im down i have a desperate needs to be close to people, particularly my other half so can understand why you are putting up with the situation to be near to him more often

if i was you i wouldnt be able to go home for the above reasdon so i would put up with the other stuff, though i would have hidden in the bedroom more rather than helping out!

and id be counting the days til august unless i could figure a way of getting us both out before then! (i have a tendancy to move house when im depressed to create mania)

sorry, prob not very helpful x