Feeling anxiouis again.

I am having a hard time getting the idea out of my head that my wife no longer wants to be with me. I get anxious just thinking about haveing to go home and see her. She no longer calls me hun or sweetheart but calls me by my name which she never does unless she is angry. So everytime she calls my name my heart cringes and my stomach becomes queeze. She even talks about living in our house we have as roomates and I am thinking to myself HAHAHAHAHA what the hell are you thinking. I couldn't do that no way no how. I really wish she would just get this over with fill out the paper work or suggest that she wants to work on the relationship. Please pick one or the other because I am going insane and I need to heal from the pain.

I would get the paper work for her, sit down and ask if she wants to work on the relationship or file. You can't deal, right now, with the threat of divorce looming over you. You guys may want to go back to house mates that have just started dating w. dates and everything while working with a marriage councilor. We have done this several times in our home. I don't know your wife but some times getting Dx'ed is 'validation' that all marriage problems are due to MI spouse (not true by the way), or that even with medication the spouse won't 'get better' (also not true). It's really hard to digest for all family members that it's mental illness not just a character flaw that can be fixed easily. best of luck.

what is MI stand for. I don't think she wants to work on it, for she doesn't want to go to counciling with me. Plus, its all my fault that the relationship is the way it is.

MI is mental illness. It takes two to tango, you are not fully to blame for this situation.

I agree, I just want all of this to be over with I am so tiered.

Trigger suicide mentioned ...

MI= Mental Illness, It's never one persons fault in a relationship. If she doesn't want to work on it, that's her failing. Would she leave you if you had cancer, diabetes, arthritis or if you were disabled in a car wreck, all not your fault if you have them and all long term conditions like bipolar? I know it takes time to believe this, it took me 2 yrs. and several foiled suicide plans to realize this and I don't know if I fully believed it until he was dx'ed.

Your post made my heart hurt because it makes me remember the times when I was in a situation like that. I honestly think I wouldn't have had to check into inpatient seven years ago if my partner hadn't strung me along until I had spent weeks making myself sick trying to figure out which way it was going to go.

I got that exact same proposition "downgrade our relationship to roommates" I was involved with someone with their own alphabet of psych issues but what happened after that was never good.

If I could do it again (and this happened twice with the same person) I would pre-empt as soon as possible the terror and anxiety and stress and say " I can't live like this and be healthy. I HAVE to take care of myself. I need the space to do that" Besides being the truth it means you are being responsible for yourself which means your partner doesn't have to/can't use it against you.

Just because we have a significant mental health issue does NOT mean everything that goes wrong is our fault.

its alwasy nice to hear others that share your pain. It is odl comforting. I say that because I don't wish upon anyone to feel my pain that I endure now, but to know I am not the only one going through an issue like this helps me out. I found out today through just asking if she wanted a divorce or if she would like to work on our relationship. she said with confidence in her tone of voice that she wanted a divorce. Which killed me and made me cold to the bones, but now I am so numb to it that I am ready for freedom and away from pain.

Unfortunatly for our marriage, our house wasn't worth what we owed on it & we couldn't get enough out of it to pay off the debts that had pilled up with all the hospital bills & with the irresponsible financial handling my husband managed after I ended up in major depression after loosing my engineering career.

Our marriage was NEVER good from the beginning & now being away from it & being able to clear my mind from all the anger I had aimed at him, I can clearly that the marriage never should have happened in the first place...but it did, & so did our daughter. I didn't realize that my major depression wasn't just because of loosing my career, but it was from feeling trapped in the marriage because we couldn't afford a divorce with all the debt we had & he wouldn't file for bankruptcy & the life was just a total mess that I wanted out of & I felt my only way out was suicide.....which thankfully never was successful.

Only time I was finally able to get out was after my mother died of cancer & I inherited her house....sold it & was able to leave & move 2100 miles away where I didn't know anyone to be able to start my life over.......still not divorces.....but separated permanently.

Before I left however, we lived in the same house....I had my wing of the house & he had his....lived that way from 1994 to 2007.....it's a long time to live that way & it wasn't pleasant even as room mates who were still married only on paper. I wouldn't recommend it, but when one doesn't have any other choice financially, sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to get through the bad times in hopes that a better future lies ahead.

Sorry you're having to go through this. I'm even more sorry I can't offer more than a sympathetic ear. I'm three time divorced and never figured out how to make marriage work.

Confiding in others helps to get through the rough parts though and that I'm very experienced at so if your so inclined go ahead and continue sharing how you're getting by and I'll continue to reply.

Good Luck jaypop.

Sorry you are having such a hard time. My husband often throws around threats of us "going our seperate ways" which freaks the %^$# out of me!!! I read that like 89% of bipolar marriages end in divorce often from are partner with financial management problems which I def have.

Hang in there. Time is really the only thing that will heal a broken heart IMO.

Peace.,

TnT

Thats what I am afraid of that this MI is going to ruin what I love dear. Its very aggrivating that I am not in control of this situation. Plus as a man we like to fix things and this seems like I can't fix it which throughs me about lost in the woods.