My violent child

Does anyone else here have bipolar and have a violent bipolar teen?

I feel so alone and such a failure. My life is a nightmare. The light of my life, my baby boy, is now dx bipolar teen. And he is using drugs, I have holes punched in walls all over my house, almost all doors are broken off their hinges.

Sometimes he shoves me physically, almost constant screaming calling me names. I had to call police on him last week and we spent the weekend in the hospital. He tried to run out of hospital and then was put in restraints it was so horrible.

I am now getting help from cps, they made him sign a safety agreement to take his meds and not be violent, and they have a residential treatment program they will pay for him to go into. I know this is what I have to do for his, his little brother's and my own safety. But my heart is broken.

It's like I've been teetering, knowing i'm going to fall into mania or depression. I'm trying so hard to keep it together but I just can't I feel so weak. Now here I am in depression and so emotional. I have such trouble sleeping and keep missing work. Trying to remember what pdoc and therapist say about not going into catastrophic thinking. But it sure feels like a catastrophe and I feel like I'm in a hole with no way out.

The best advice I can give you is to be strong. I was suicidal at one point during my teenage years, and my irritability lead to me making my mom cry quite a few times. I look back on those days with so much guilt that I have begun to wish that I had that time back so I could be a better son, brother, and friend.

My mom confessed to me that she believed she was the problem and that she made the mistakes that caused me to be that way then, and my mental break down now. I told her that if she had not been the strong, loving, understanding parent that she was, I'd probably be dead right now. I will never, ever contemplate suicide because if my mother had the strength to deal with me, love me, and stand by me, then I have the strength to get through my problems.

Do the best you can!

Hi Blue,
I am following behind you with a middle schooler who has a bipolar dx. He has always had outbursts, but as he gets older these get worse. He goes to therapy every other week, which helps somewhat. I am the main focus of all of his anger. I constantly hear how much he hates me and wishes I was dead, etc. It's not all bad, though, sometimes I am the best mom in the world.
I agree, it is very tough to deal with when in a depression, or an angry hypomania. My t definitely helps me through these times.
Hopefully the residential treatment will help your son. At least there is some hope for relief for you an your sons.
Good luck,
Bluemountains

Thanks Kevin and Bluemountains. I'm trying to take T's advice and look at all of this as maybe something he needs to go through to become the man he will be. But then my bad depressed side thinks the worst like what if he dies from these drugs or hurts himself again in a depression.

When we were in the hospital we both cried so much and he wanted to hold my hand and tell me how much he loved me and he's sorry he uses drugs. He said he wanted to be sober. But then 2nd day home he was out doing meth.

So i am grateful for cps coming in to help and offering the residential treatment program. Maybe they could get him on track. I'm trying to be strong and hopeful.

Hi--

I'm very sorry you are going through this. We have a teenage daughter diagnosed as bipolar last fall. She, too, had bouts of violence (holes in wall, broken doors) and sceaming the most horrible things. At one point I asked her if she wanted to hurt us as much as she could so she wouldn't be alone in her pain. That took her back a bit, and an hour or so later she wrote me a notes saying I was right. Things are not perfect now, but they are better (months of drug therapy, weekly meetings with a therapist, several stays in the hospital, a couple of suicide attempts later). She's much harder now on my wife than she is on me (daughter/mother thing?). Hang in there. I've been seeing a therapist; it helps. Things got better for us over time; I pray they will for you and your family as well.

Meth is one of the hardest, most damning drugs out there. Its not your fault this has happened. Its good that you arent enabling him either. Be the best mother you can be and never neglect your other children. You did a very brave thing by calling CPS.