Today has been very strange

Hey everyone I know I havent been real active on the board but .... I have been lurking ...Just havent felt like I had anything worth while to add ...

Possible trigger ...

I have been dealing with rapid cycling for monthsssssssssssss One minute I'm feeling "ok" the next Im "Up" then the next time I'm "down and suicidal." I pretty much feel suicidal daily ... So far I havent "made plans" or wrote any letters ... My Therapist and I agree that for now we are going to play it by ear daily ..I have his number if I need to call him if I'm on the ledge and I know when my thoughts of suicide go to far . I also saw my pdoc while I was there for a emergency appt ( my T and Pdoc are in the same office ) .. he didnt want to change any of my meds right now as I havent responded well to med changes in the past and the current medications keep the hallcinations away.

Here's my problem today .... I woke up today in a mood that I have never dealt with before. I honestly dont care about anything ... I saw my T today for our regular appt ... He assured me that my " dont care feeling" is a normal thing for bipolars to feel ... But for me its a first ... He reassured me that this mood will indeed pass like all the other feelings and moods I go thru having Bipolar ..

Im just hoping this mood passes soon .. I dislike this one more than all of the other moods I attempt to cope with on a daily basis.

Can anyone relate? Sorry if my post seems jumbled I just cant seem to make sense

Thanks

when I feel like that I call it procrastination feeling. At least you made it to an appt. So, what you expressed made sense to me.

((morethingswrong)) It's nice to hear from you! For me, the "I don't care" feeling is often part of depression. Sometimes when I'm down, I don't feel sad or in pain; I just feel like an emotionless zombie.

Don't worry; you made perfect sense.

Your sui thoughts have me concerned. You'd better post often so that we know that you're alright!

Optimize ... Thanks

Secretum .... My T said its possible this could be depression presenting differantly than normal for me..I have just never had this " I dont care" feeling before. Normally Im so overly emotional its not even funny... so this feeling has just come out of nowhere.. Thanks for your kind words as always ..

I will keep posting.

I am glad you came back - you have been absent for so long I thought of PM'ing you today. Just participate - that alone would make things better. Maybe you do not care at the moment but someone else's plight ignites feelings in you - who knows, it is worth trying.

Its something i experience often so i can relate to the emotional vacancy when anhedonic. It is a common bipolar depressive symptom its what causes 'affect' lack of expression. Anhedonia was one of the four key diagnostic symptoms of melancholic patients in asylums between the 1700s and 1900s.

I've been there. Sometimes when I'm very depressed I'll slip into I don't care mode and stare at a wall for hours. My husband will beg and plead with me to talk to him but, I won't even respond, maybe I'll muster up the energy to sigh...depression hurts so much that I just turn off.

Im still in the " I dont care mood" I have sat here looking at the responses for a long time .. took forever to came up with a response .. Ugh, yes this mood indeed is very difficult one to cope with

thanks everyone your help I do appreciate it .. alot !

thinking of you, sending you lots of s