For the first time ever, I'm seeing my hypomania while it's happening

Since being off meds as of last August, I've cycled from hypo to depressed to normal a few times now. Usually these phases last a month or two at a time and they are never really in order. I have never caught myself being manic. I always looked back at the things I regretted and felt shame for, the money I spent, AFTER the fact.

But here I am, coming off about 2 months of depressed, then about 2 weeks of 'normal'... As of Friday, I think I entered hypomania. I got an e-mail from my ex that destroyed the first few hours of my Friday, but I loved the way I handled it and I got downright giddy after that. You can read about that here.

Fast forward to Friday night and I go to a baseball game. My friend asks me to come out with him afterwards with his friends who I don't know. I hate bars, I hate social stuff with a lot of people I don't know. But I told him about my therapy and 'opposite action' and he joked that I needed to have do the opposite of what I wanted. He was right, so I went out and I was the life of the party. That so isn't me. I didn't drink or anything, I've always said my head is too broken to recover from alcohol, but I ended up having a blast anyhow.

Saturday I drive 2 and a half hours on a whim to surprise my girlfriend at work. I was driven to make her smile and surprise her, it felt awesome to see the double take she gave me when she saw me show up.

Sex drive was insane this weekend, but at my 'worst' my sex drive gets taken out on one person and that's how it always will be. She wasn't complaining, quite the opposite.

I went to bed at 3 on Friday and Saturday, got up at 8. Last night slept from 12:30 to 4:45. Feel great. Don't need sleep.

Yesterday I bought a pair of $200 headphones because the $250 pair on my head wasn't to my liking. I'll sell stuff on eBay to fill the hole.

Sorry for the ranting, things are awesome, but I've never caught myself while HM. Maybe now that I have, I can stop it from getting too crazy and getting to the point where I do things I regret. Regardless of what happens, I am going to enjoy this while it lasts. I know depression is ahead at some point, but it's worth it when life is this good.

That's good you are able to see it happening this time, that you recognize the symptoms and your behaviors. That's the good thing about educating yourself and tracking yourself. You start to get it.

At this phase I can tell when I'm turning the corner. I know it's coming. I know it's happening. But that doesn't mean I realize how bad it is until it's over. I think I'm part way there at least, knowing that it's happening. But I always feel so in control. "I've got this." Then later I look back... Wrong!

That right there is exactly what I am wondering about myself. I feel very in control right now, super confident. But will I go too far?

I talked about all this at group last night and it was suggested to do calming things while I am like this. Listen to music with eyes closed, meditate, etc. Sounds great, but I'd rather live it up for a while. I just don't know if I can stop from going too far, but I'll try.

Hypomania is a deceptive snake in the grass that'll bite you in the butt, as I've learned to my sorrow. It's also highly tempting when you're coming off a depressive state and start to feel better......ah, I wish I'd known this myself this last go-round. Take care of yourself, please!

It's hard to meditate when your mind is going full speed. Soothing "calming"music becomes a repetitive drone. It needs to be up-beat with good words to sing along and dance with. That's my experience.

At least you didn't do any drinking. I think that staying sober is at least in the right direction. Maybe hypomania is a good time to take up an energetic hobby.

Give your credit cards and checkbook,etc.to a responsible person until you calm down.