[FeelingHopeful]

Hi everyone! How Is everyone? Hope great! Had a question, if you.are in a depressive.state maybe isolating, do you like if people check.up on you, I was wondering since talking is hard for my friend, if I just sent him smiley faces by email is that ok, do you find that anoying, we are in our 30s so we are older

[PiperLeigh]

(Im 35) My mentor (who is sort of like my mom) calls me and texts me; her words mean the world to me when I'm in a low place. I definitely have a tendency to isolate myself, but i know that will not make me feel better. I try hard not to let myself lie to myself and think things like "no one cares, I'm a burden", etc). Hearing or reading words from her that she loves me, that I'm going to make it through this, asking for me to please come see her, etc fill me with encouragement and hope.

[RobertDark]

I have this weird thing where I REALLY isolate from the word when I am at my lowest. Sometimes for weeks at a time. Headphones all day at work so no one talks to me, come home and then sit around alone (a lot of times never taking those headphones off).

When I was in a relationship and feeling depressed, I'd ask my girlfriend to leave me alone for a while and if she contacted me before I wanted her to, I would flip on her and get mad that she wasn't giving me space. I realize, outside of my lows, that she just cares about me and wants to make sure I am okay from time to time.

I am sure it's different for everyone, but when I am depressed and I want to be alone, I mean alone. I just need to be better if someone wants to check in and say "Hey, thinking of you" and not take that as some personal invasion of space. I don't have to have any sort of huge conversation when I want to be alone.

[lostmyway21]

No other than my T I usually feel annoyed and want my space from everyone.

[FeelingHopeful]

Ty robert and piper, is it ok to ask him.if he wants space, hes a close friend, alao it it ok to maybe have a code word when he goes into depression so we both know?

[PiperLeigh]

I'm of the personal opinion that it never hurts to ask someone you care about those questions. I think articulating you care about him, that you know he's going through a hard time, that you don't always know what to say but want him to know you care, etc is a good place to start. I don't always return calls and emails from my mentor because I feel all dark inside, but just knowing she is thinking of me helps. (She's not obnoxious with it- just a vmail or text every few days, sometimes with an offer for me to come sit and just talk). You sound like a good friend. Ask him what he needs when he is in those places and then listen and respect his wishes. ++

[RobertDark]

What Piper said. There would be nothing wrong with asking how your friends wants to be treated when they are depressed.

[FeelingHopeful]

Ty,you guys , I wanna respect his wishes, hes a dear friend, lost my way tu you too, what about a code wors , does thay work?

[RobertDark]

I think if you can come to a level of understanding where this person says "I need to be alone for X amount of time" and you are okay with that, then that should do. Not that a code word is a bad idea at all, it's just that sometimes being clear is the way to go.

That's really just my opinion, however. When I was going through the issues with my past girlfriend I was clear as day. I would just ask for a certain amount of time to be alone (lets say a week) and if she so much as texted me I would get very angry. Looking back, I wonder if that was extremely selfish (and it probably is, you can't ask a person to stop loving you for weeks at at a time) or if that was the right thing for me to do for me. I am trying to find a balance with that now. If I ask for alone and someone just wants to check in with a few texts to say "Hey, thinking of you, hope you are okay" I can't treat that like the end of the world.

[shantam]

I like getting smiley faces, and I am also bipolar and older. It's always nice that other people are thinking of you and that they care.

[FeelingHopeful]

Ty robert , your words mean alot! Very helpful, im not sure if he is.is bipolar, but.goes through.isolation.periods and sounds similiar toto your story, im not his gf, but care very much about him, I miss him and am trying to givwe him his space, looking to.show him I suppor him and will fight for him, have you ever felt not accepted, I think maybe he has felt that , even with ex gf, I. Want him.to know i accept him and love him, he cant talk.about stuff, so im.not sure.how to ask.stuff, he struggles with words.and emotions

[FeelingHopeful]

Also wondering can people with bipolar love, like really be in lov

[RobertDark]

What's different in my situation is that my ex gf was extremely understanding (as it sounds you are, but maybe he doesn't know that as well as he should) and that I am (obviously) willing to vocalize my thoughts and emotions.

I think in your situation, just reminding him here and there that he CAN be open with you, that you are there to help and that you are not going to judging him will help a lot. It might still take him a long time to open up but if you do two things (again, this is just opinion) I think you could help your friend greatly.

1. Give him space when he requests it. Talk to him about what "breaking the barrier" might be for him. Let's say you just want to check in with a text every few days, ask him if that is okay or not. Find out what he means when he wants alone. Is it complete isolation or is he okay with some minor communication here and there?

2. Remind him you are there for him. For someone to talk with about EVERYTHING he needs to talk about and that you will not judge. I am sure he already knows this, but the occasional reminder can really help build trust if it is currently not there.

I guess I could add 3, never break his trust and keep anything private between the two of you. That is obvious, but worth saying.

I am really outlining what would make me happy in these situations, but it sounds like your friend and I have some similarities with isolation so maybe it applies.

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

Also wondering can people with bipolar love, like really be in lov

This is kinda funny you posted this... right after I posted this:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=233907

[FeelingHopeful]

Ty robert! I hope this is ok to ask questions, im trying to understand and learn about bipolar , get educated as much as possible, Iay have more questions, I will check your link now , it helps me greatly to talk with someone who experiences this., I want to make sure im a help to him, hes been hurt before

[RobertDark]

I have no issue talking about it, ask whatever questions you want, private message them if you want. Whatever works. Just remember I am giving advice from my perspective. While I am someone who isolates myself from people similar to your friend, your friend is not me nor am I him.

Bottom line is communication. Let him know you are there, keep the lines of communication open and that will always provide a strong base.

[cocoabeans]

I don't mind. I might act annoyed but later appreciate someone letting me know they care. Mostly though, I don't reply or reach out to anyone when I'm down. I'm in my late twenties but, young enough that my friends text rather than call.

I always have to explain to people that sometimes, maybe during the winter, I'll just disappear for awhile. It just means I'm somewhat depressed, nothing to worry about. Well, not to me...I'm used to it and when it is a mild depression, I enjoy being that way...

[Victoria'smom]

I hate when people bother me when I'm depressed BUT that's what I need. Every 3 days or so someone (friend or husband) barges in to my room throws me clean clothing and forces me out of the house. They refuse to bring me back until we've ate out and have seen the sun for at least 2 hours. The protesting gets less and less each time and I know it drags me out of depression faster.

[Laura88]

In my case people can txt all they want but i wont even look at the txt till i'm in a better place. Dont anwser the phone and dont want to be bothered either. I too am older and have bipolar. Just let me be and when i get out of the rut i will get a hold of my friends at my own time.

[Switch]

Haven't read the whole thread here so I'm just cutting in, but I find for me it's more the pressure to reply that gets to me. It's okay if you send me a message as long as it's equilly okay (and expected) that I won't reply. It's an individual thing, but what's most important for me is that the friend is there for me when I come out of my depressed state, no matter what happend during. Again, ask. But maybe send a smily with a note "for support" or something, just to let them know you're not expecting a conversation just that you're supporting them and want them to be okay.

Hope that helps.

[BuggsBunny]

I like the odd e-mail checking in with me, or someone coming down to my room with food, but no expectations of conversation. (When I isolate, I hide in my room, in the dark. I live in a house of 5, so I can't exactly isolate outside my room.)

I don't like phone calls, and have no texting (I'm older, too). So email or live is it.

Smiley faces are always welcome, but definitely not those long "Somebody loves you, pass this on" emails!

[abience]

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

Also wondering can people with bipolar love, like really be in lov

Yes we can.

As for the isolation, sometimes it's nice to know someone cares at times. Just understand when there is no reply, it's us, not you. We just can't reach out no matter how you try. Don't take it personally.

[FeelingHopeful]

Ty you abiance, he hasnt replied to any stuff.text email, etcits pk becaise im.starting.to.understand, I cant take it personal, amd I.dont.is.this.why he.will think.of.himself.as craxy and push me away.to.ptotect.me?

[FeelingHopeful]

Is it common for most to think you are crazy? Is that something you woukd vocalise?

[RobertDark]

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

Is it common for most to think you are crazy? Is that something you woukd vocalise?

Again, this is just what I do, I'm not speaking for anyone else....

When I am depressed I don't vocalize that I think I am crazy. What happens when I am depressed is that I so completely hate myself I can't see how anyone can love or even like me. In the case of my gf, the one person who tries to help when I am down, I push her away just because I see myself as so worthless I can't see why she is wasting her time on me. My mind will then tell me that since I am so worthless, I am doing a favor by ignoring and pushing this person somewhere else, they will be happy in the end that I am out of their lives.

Eventually I win out on some level and get her to stop talking to me. Then a month or two goes by and I wonder why I did that, wish I had that person back, etc.

[FeelingHopeful]

Robert that sounds so much like my friend, also.anytime I asked.him what happened.with.another relationship ending he always got nervous answering saying diff stuff , almost like he couldnt tell me real.reason, how much.is lying a part of disease, do you find easier to tell someone you dont have a history with that you suffer from bp , he feels he cant tell me, doesnt kmow why we are close friends witj a little more at one time