[ktbelle373]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4yrs 3 weeks ago, I'm kind of still shocked that we'll never sleep in the same bed again, that he's never gonna walk through the door again, living without him is like living a whole new life style because i did everything with him and hes gone, i dont regret my desicion, but its still so painfull, at night things get quiet and all of my emotions hit me like a ton of bricks, i dont have any really good friends, im working on making new friends but i feel so alone, at night i feel miles and miles away from anyone, im so lonley im just hoping this pain wont last for too long, on top of everything im having money problems because i dont have his income to help pay the rent, im just trying to hang on

[Trippin2.0]

I'm not feeling very verbal right now, but I understand your pain. Keep on keeping on

[faerie_moon_x]

It takes a while to heal and its ok to grieve.

Sometimes hanging on is all you can do and that's ok.

((((KT)))) i am sorry for your pain. And for your loss. I can relate. I lost my fiance 3 years and 3 months ago and I miss him sometimes. A lot. We were best friends too so when I am just scared or feeling blue or especially when something is funny and I really want to share it with him and cannot, it hurts.

My T and I talked about it on occasion but it was too painful and I would start sobbing. The grief is still there. I also know there are reasons why it has been hard to move on perhaps deeper issues - which I really hope to be able to address in the coming months.

I really miss him but I know he is not coming back. And this being alone all the time isnt working for me anymore. I feel like it is time to move ahead but I am a little stuck. I dont quite know what to do. That is what I am hoping to work on in T.

I can completely relate as well to the financial concerns and just holding on. That makes things feel a million times worse when you are worried about finances. Do you have a friend or family member that you can turn to?

Hugs to you...
Rose

[ktbelle373]

Hi thanks guys, your words meant a lot. tonight is a particuarlly bad night because i got a call from my ex and hes not doing well, hes forgetting to take his meds, and hes just letting himself go. it was so painful to hear he isnt doing good, but i cant take care of him anymore, i have to take care of myself. i guess im just gonna stay in this limbo stage of grieving for the loss of our relationship, i know i just need to work through my emotions day by day and not rush it. but the lonleyness hurts so much.I do have really supportive parents, they already help me out with $ alot so i hate to ask for more help, im afraid they might not be able to afford it. but i applyed for a job and im going to apply for another one very soon, I'm proud of myself for jumping into looking for a job because for me working can be very hard for me because of the bipolar. Rose- im so sorry for your lose, your a strong lady for keeping on going. maybe you feel you cant move on because there are still emotions that you havent worked through yet. maybe you need to deal with those buried emotions before you can truley move on. I think in a way grieving is our minds way of feeling lose and healing at the same time. the process hurts but i dont think its one that should be rushed, i wish you all the best, hugs to you too thanks again guys for your kind words, they were a bright light in this still quiet night.

[~Christina]

Ktbelle I'm sorry for your loss of a relationship. Right now just keep hanging on.. Let yourself grieve ... and always remember when one door is closed it seems another door opens up.

Be kind to yourself and take care of YOU

[ktbelle373]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Ktbelle I'm sorry for your loss of a relationship. Right now just keep hanging on.. Let yourself grieve ... and always remember when one door is closed it seems another door opens up.

Be kind to yourself and take care of YOU

Thanks so much morethingswrong, i really needed to hear those words, and your right another door has opened up. i'm starting to go to AA again, and i'm making friends there, I'm going to focus on me now which is kind of strange after 4 years of putting me 2nd. thanks again!

[~Christina]

Good for you Ktbelle
Definatly time to put you first !!!

[ktbelle373]

Another lonley night in the house i used to share with him. its so hard to accept that i have to feel this deep hurt and emptyness, theres nothing else to do but grieve, im so afraid im gonna feel like this forever. how long does it take for a person who has been with someone for 4yrs to be herself again, to feel happy and not hollow and lonley. having bipolar makes this break up so hard, the feelings are so intense and heavy. its like the world around me has grown dark and uninviting. i keep thinking of the how different my life is and is going to be without him. i feel so lost, i dont know how to live my life without him. I lost a boyfriend and a best friend. I dont have any close friends to talk to. But I know i did the right thing by ending it, but that doesnt make it hurt any less. I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other, I dont know what else to do.

the nights are the worst.

morethingswrong- your kindness means so much thanks