[niko851]

<font color="#000088">Hi all and hope you're all doing OK ...

I'm posting this bcuz of someone's advice on here, given the circumstances. I'm not as irritated as I was, however the 'root' of this issue is yet to be determined.

When I went to my T Tuesday, I was describing what I was doing that day (which was wanting to get a house again, looking at them on the net, and was overall happy and kinda 'up there'), and then told her I was driving and didn't really have a care in the world on the trip to her Office, she started to laugh... I got completely offended when she laughed at me for talking to myself while driving bcuz I told her I do that often and it helps me concentrate on driving. I asked her WHY would you laugh at me and she responded that "Im not laughing at you, and I apologize for that, but it is a sigh type laugh bcuz I can tell the meds are not working bcuz you're acting manic.....

[BTW: Meds are Seroquel 100MG at nite and 500MG Depakote ER at nite, Xanax 1MG PRN Max 5/Day]

Now I did/do NOT feel a bit manic - hyper maybe - but not manic.... We actually got into a fight over it - which, of course, did NOT help my case so to speak, and she called in someone else to 'watch' bcuz she felt intimidated by me..

Long story short, she asked if I would voluntarily surrender my license or by law, she would have to turn me in to the State bcuz I am not safe on the road - especially in a manic state and I'm "unwilling to accept such"...... But again, I did and do NOT feel like I am in an episode - I feel very 'neutral' if that makes a lick of sense; sure I have lack of sleep and I don't want to sleep and I was/am talking fast, but it was bcuz I was happy....

So my friends, what's your take w/this info? If you need more, I can get into it deeper... Is it possible that the meds are starting to work, i.e. I have happiness, and be in a manic state at the same time? I mean hell if it is true, then I've gone from manic, to stable (for 2 days), to in bed for 4 days, and now right into manic over a 2 week period.... I value your thoughts/opininos, so I figured I ask ya and see what you think... Usually I can notice it and feel episodic behaviours - i just did not feel it this time....

And by the way - feel free to speak open and honest... If I truly am more/less 'oblivious to the fact' right now, I need to know this. I know ya'll have always spoke your minds and I appreciate that.

Take it easy and thank you... ~N</font>

[cherybery]

Hey Niko. My pdoc told me even with my meds I can still have the manic episodes but they would be closer to the "midline", in other words not so high. I don't blame you for the way you reacted because honestly I would have got upset as well. I do alot of things while I drive, talking to myself, smoking. I tend to "zone out" when I drive and have told pdocs about this several times and basically they tell me not too drive for a couple weeks but they have never asked me to surrender my license. I am kind of surprised by that just because it sounds like you are driving like you normally do.
Did you get up in her face or something because I don't understand why she would call someone else in the room too "observe you" That would make anyones fight or flight kick in if their doc has already upset them.
HUGS
Cher

[adeline]

Hi,

I have two thoughts on what you've said, both relating to my past experiences. First off, it sounds like you could be in a manic state, and rapid cycling -- even if you don't necessarily feel like it. Sometimes meds give you different feeling/acting episodes, and I've often not been able to recognize my manic episodes for days or even weeks. For me I think part of it is denial -- I just love it and don't want to admit anything's wrong. But if you're not sleeping, you're talking fast, and you feel hyper, you're probably in a manic (or at least hypo-manic) state. Even if it doesn't feel the same, the behaviors are there, so you're dealing with the ill-effects either way.

On the other hand, in ANY case your Pdoc was rude and unprofessional for LAUGHING at you for a perceived deficit on the part of your MEDICINE. I mean, unless she was laughing at the meds themselves this is totally unacceptable, unethical behavior. How appropriate that she'd want to talk about getting a license revoked... I'd make a note of this, and any other behaviors like this. If this continues you could report her to a licensing board, who could inform her that her behavior is not in accord with the standards for practicing (it may be a long shot, but at least you could have a bit more power over her ability to degrade you and others).

Is this a psychiatrist (MD) or psychologist? The former are usually not very nice... I seriously don't understand why you'd get in the field if you couldn't even respect people's problems enough to hold back from laughing. *Shudder* This has happened to me a few times, and it thoroughly disgusted me. You ask for help, not to be judged and picked on. Ok, enough of my rant. Is she a good Pdoc otherwise? If not, you may want to start looking for another (if this is at all feasible). Her attitude does not reflect dedication to listening to your needs and finding the best med for you. Good luck to you.

Jessie

[niko851]

<font color="#000088"> Hey Jessie -

Thanks for the response and do not worry about the length.... It gives me something to read - proactively - instead of just 'fishing' for similar experiences.... I do appreciate it ....

I suppose this is an episode bcuz I am starting to feel the hyperness (if that's a word - LOL) and knowing I am not sleeping right is a telltale sign, just as you stated... I guess it was kinda a denial as well, i.e. that it would be a while before the next episode.

To answer your questions, I see three different people. I see a Counselor, a Therapist (Licensed) and a Psychiatrist (MD). This whole ordeal was with the Therapist, not the others. ALthough you hit the nail on the head that Pdocs are normally not nice (you're lucky to get 10 mins w/them), but my therapist has never acted like this. I know she did say something to the effect that she wasn't laughing, but more disappointed that the meds haven't taken the effect she wants yet... Regardless, it is unethical and I'm sure that making anyone in our shoes feel worse, whether intentional or not, deserves an apology... We shall see come Tuesday..

Last, I'm literally stuck with the actual MD character until I get my Medicaid and/or SSA (good luck on the SSA, I know)... I hate to sound racist at all, as this isn't my intention nor belief, but I can't understand damn near anything she says. I constantly have to ask her to repeat things, which she 'jots down' bcuz she claims I'm not concentrating and it's attributed to the episode... Well, maybe if ya talked SLOWER and worked on the accent, I could understand ya!!! I'm already deaf in my R ear, so hearing is already an issue for me... I am glad I asked the Nurse if I had the correct dosage instructions (and I DID NOT by the way) bcuz I couldn't understand if she was saying "TWO" for the Seroquel or the Depakote ER; I asked if it was for the Seroquel and I got the "oh yeah yeah yeah - yes that it the two take for OK??" I could have easily mistaken it as FOUR, but at least I know pharmacology from my one course last year!!!

Anywho - thanks again for taking the time to respond and I hope all is well with you.. I'm hanging in here, all I can do. Take it easy ~N </font>

[niko851]

<font color="#00088"> Hey Cher -

Thanks for the response.... First off, as much as I wanted to, I did not get up in her face... She said (something to this effect) that she brought in another to 'observe' bcuz my behaviour was a bit intimidating, especially when she told me that I may be getting my license revoked... Your damn straight I got pissed off when I heard that bcuz that was WAYYYY to quick to judge on all over me being 'hyper' in her eyes that day...

Also, the ruling is that I am in an episode and I more/less didn't want to admit such.... I can tell, just from lack of sleep now, that it is what it is and there's nothing I can do but sweat it out... I'm just so disappointed that I still have to put up with the cocktails until one is found that works...

Other than that, hope all is well w/you hun... Take it easy and again, Thank You ~N </font>

[(JD)]

WOW I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Losing the right to drive is traumatic. I would, if I were you, offer to monitor your driving better. Even stop driving for a little bit. ANYTHING is better than having it revoked (voluntarily or otherwise.)

See if she will be reasonable, if you are, about this. Can you sincerely tell when you are somewhat hyper/manic? Can you restrain from driving when you are? The most important thing is to keep you safe, and of course, other drivers too. (You would feel really bad if you hurt someone else, I'm sure.)

Sounds to me like you have already been able to review some of this, which is good. I hope it all works out for you.

[adeline]

I'm glad you found my response helpful (I was hoping to help and not just rant ). It's an especially sensitive topic for me since I've had some form of mental illness since age 4, so I've always felt like I was treated a bit differently (at times undeservedly).

My therapist mostly leaves the med stuff to my doctor, and focuses on helping me handle and control the results of my meds. The ultimate goal should be that you feel some control of your mood swings independent of your meds affects.

I know how hard and frustrating it is to navigate the system to find the right doctor... you can get stuck with some pretty aweful docs. I'm sorry that you're having such trouble with your psychiatrist -- it's a good thing you've received education in this area, being an "informed consumer" is crucial when dealing with your health.

Are you a psych major, or in another major? I'm a stereotypical psych major, but I think I have a greater compassion and understanding from what I've gone through than many of the "normal" students can achieve. Almost all psych majors should have dealt with mental illness (but resolved it by the time they practice) IMO.

I hope you can find the right cocktail soon -- it's so frustrating to keep going on and off meds. Have a good rest of the weekend!

Jessie

[niko851]

<font color="#00088"> Hi again Jessie -

I guess I'm in that group of people called "pseudo-psych" majors (LOL).. I've had many courses in school, as I DID intend on going into the field at one time (before I went w/my gut ambition to become an Engineer), and for the past year if not closer to two years, I've self-educated myself on quite a bit. When you're plagued with disorders, and have nothing but time on your hands, I start reading.....and reading..... and reading.....

Yes, your post was helpful to me and I always welcome ranting... We need to do that to save our sanity (or what is left at times, no offense intended) and I know I do my fair shares of it!!! It's the best way to get it all out as far as I am concerned...

Now given I've been (and still am) in an episode, I apologize if I already said this: I found out that my insurance premiums were NOT being taken out of my DB checks and now I'm behind $120 + and my coverage has lapsed.... this means I get to be at the mercy of "the system"... ANd of course, this means far from quality care....

Glad to hear from you again and hope all is well - hope you had a good weekend as well and try to have a good week... One moment at a time.... ~Niko</font>