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#26
Jul 23, 2012, 02:56 PM
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I just want to echo BI's post... We're here for you
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#27
Jul 23, 2012, 07:12 PM
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Thank you. Seems he's ignoring me too. Hasn't tried to contact me. Oh well.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg  Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#28
Jul 23, 2012, 08:46 PM
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I wrote an email but haven't sent it. Mostly to get things out of my mind.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#29
Jul 23, 2012, 08:59 PM
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I wrote this earlier. Haven't sent it yet.
At the moment this is a draft. Not sure I'll send it. Just need to get some thoughts out that have been stirring. You and I have known each other for nigh on 7 years. That's quite a while. I have seen you through a divorce. I have seen you sobbing in a turtle position at 3 a.m. because you felt you couldn't give your ex-wife sanctuary in your own apartment- because I was there. Talk about awkward. We have gone practically everywhere together- even to Canada once- so there is nowhere around here that I can go that isn't somewhere we've been or next door to it. Our relationship has always been odd. We've done so much together and had sex that was extremely intimate, intense, and all-around wonderful. We've held hands and had talks that were so sweet. I've listened to you about your problems. Seen you through taxes. Seen you through getting through cleaning up your apartment. We've also had several fights. And they're always about the nature of our relationship. Always. This is because I feel I have been basically your wife for 7 years. Live together? Nope. Money together? Nope. But none-the-less, I have been there for you. I care deeply for you. No matter what. And yet this has led to me feeling cheated on. Many times. This feeling won't go away. I have sat with you and had such close, friendly, tender, almost luminescent moments. I care for you on a level that goes beyond even wife maybe. Certainly beyond what I felt for Jonathan. I care how you are all the time. When you're angry and when you're crying. We are best friends- at least. And yet over and over I get hit in the face with the fact that you don't want me. You never have. Ever. You have a list of things for your "soul mate" and that's that. I, honestly, don't believe in soul mates. I believe in commonality. I believe in love. I don't believe that love means that star-struck feeling of a new relationship. Love is what you do. Its not found in clothes, or cars, or houses. I haven't loved your THINGS. I have loved YOU. In your messy, tiny, annoying apartment with nowhere for two people to walk around together. But even though you make very little money and you are desperate for something else, I love you. I must say, that cheating on me- which I define as going out and having sex and being sneaky about it- isn't on my top of the list of wonderful things. But hey- I'm not your wife so you were entitled. Supposedly. yes this letter is difficult. Only a close, deep friendship could weather it. When I say I love you, I love you in spite of yourself! Hearing on Sunday that you'd been out to the Art Fair with some woman got to me. Maybe its just one more. Maybe I should just let you go find happiness. But how many times do I have to love you and feel hurt? How many times will you say "I'm going out Saturday" and I already know in my heart that means "With another woman"? You're my best friend. I don't know that I can continue this way. Is it easy to be around you or not? Difficult question. Very. When we went to the park last weekend and I took a few pix of you and we saw the snake eating the toad, I felt happy. When we were on that bench, I felt a distinct feeling of being surrounded by a bubble of sorts- where this lovely happiness could last. Yet I knew it wouldn't. But I wanted it to. The closeness from sex is still there outside of sex, though I sense that you're purposefully trying to not hold my hand or hug me lately. So this relationship is what it was at the beginning. Though I'm not skinny. Though the newness has worn away long ago. Though the imperfections are worn through. I can't imagine life without you around. And yet, I know I must. I can't but I must. I think it is time to love someone and let them go.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#30
Jul 23, 2012, 09:47 PM
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I think what you wrote is both beautiful and haunting.
Whether you send it or not is up to you, only you know what YOU need to do. Just know we are all here to offer any and all support you need .  
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#31
Jul 23, 2012, 09:53 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#32
Jul 23, 2012, 09:58 PM
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(((Moose))) I support you whatever you decide, but I think you know you must do. You deserve a partner who has these sort of qualities that you like about non-bf (ex-non-bf?), plus a man who values monogamy and is faithful. Wishing all the best for you xoxo
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 Moose72
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#33
Jul 23, 2012, 10:13 PM
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That letter is true but it makes me sad - and the letter only outlines what 7 years of a relationship's experiences are.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#34
Jul 23, 2012, 10:19 PM
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I think it should be sent. A hell of a letter. And it would be a litmus test. Send it.
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#35
Jul 23, 2012, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
I am watching Family Guy and crying. This is soooo hard!
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
 hamster-bamster
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#36
Jul 23, 2012, 10:58 PM
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I was thinking this yesterday too....
This board is wonderful! So many honestly caring people.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
| BlueInanna, ~Christina
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#37
Jul 23, 2012, 11:03 PM
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I vote for hitting the send button, even tho I honestly know how hard this is on you, I also know that you WANT and DESERVE more. Thinking of you Moose
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#38
Jul 23, 2012, 11:06 PM
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Quote:
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#39
Jul 23, 2012, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
Thanks for the hugs! I'm tired. Emotionally worn out.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#40
Jul 23, 2012, 11:53 PM
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Quote:
Get some sleep dear, you've been through the ringer
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#41
Jul 24, 2012, 01:48 PM
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I edited it but still haven't sent. Italked to a friend which didn't help at all.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#42
Jul 24, 2012, 04:20 PM
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Why wasn't your friend helpful?
 I'd think anybody could understand why this is distressing for you  unless the said friend has her own stuff going on and wasn't really present for your convo... 
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| Moose72, ~Christina
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#43
Jul 24, 2012, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
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#44
Jul 24, 2012, 05:16 PM
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She just was saying a lot of "Maybe he...."s opposite of what I pro ably want to hear too.
(((Trippin)))
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#45
Jul 24, 2012, 05:20 PM
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Maybe is not a viable path atm... Concrete is what Moose is after, and its concrete that Moose deserves. and IF there were VALID 'maybe he's', they would've come from him by now. But like Brandy sang, 'almost doesn't count...'
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#46
Jul 24, 2012, 05:26 PM
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"maybe's " only lasts so long.
Only you can decide what is acceptable and what isn't. You do have "time invested" in this relationship. But in the words of my Therapist " you cant have a healthy relationship with anyone if there is a lack of respect from one or both parties." ((( Moose )))
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#47
Jul 24, 2012, 06:07 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#48
Jul 24, 2012, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 6 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#49
Jul 24, 2012, 07:01 PM
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((Moose)) I think you should send it. If you just let it fizzle out... you maybe wouldn't ever had said how you feel. So I think you should get it all off your chest, and then the ball's in his court. But you would have done your part in communicating your feelings. It's all up to you though, and only you can decide this. Much love & support to you!
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#50
Jul 24, 2012, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
_______________________________________________________ You'll never know unless you make the effort to find out if he's capable of a one-on-one permanent relationship. Genetic |
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