On top of the other, I'm having a meeting with "him"....

This is killing me. I wish I'd never started this. Or met him at all.

I need some ideas to distract myself. Already played lazer tag. At the bookstore. Tonight will be hard.

Im sorry your anxiety is so high right now .. Just "try" and relax. I think the email you sent was straight from your heart. You let him know just how much he means to you and that you have needs that aren't being met.

He basically has emotionally abused you ( for a long time. Seeing other women, not being there for you emotionally and all the other ways he has disrespected you )... Its not unlike physical abuse when you really get down the the bottom of it all ..

Its all about Respect ! Something YOU deserve... Never settle my friend !

Know we are all here for you

If I overspoke I'm sorry I just felt the need to be blunt.

Respect. Yes. Soooo anxious. I can't stop moving. I can't stop thinking. Memories. Fear. Anxiety. Dream-like. I want to disappear. I can't do this. I did this. I can't. He was my best friend. It's cant just end. I am so sad. Trying to not be sad all day. Nighttime is the worst. Is this bioolar or have I lost it?

I can't do this. I can't do this. There is nobody around to talk to and they don't have the answers. I hate this. I can't stand this. I hate it. I hate it I hate it. I hate the nighttime. I hate the silence. I want to go away. Another world. Lobotomy on tv. To bipolar patient. timely.

DEEP BREATH !

You said earlier he may have not even gotten the email since he "may" be in canada with his brother.

If he has gotten the email .. Him not responding right away is a good thing that means HE is doing alot of thinking. You loved him regardless of his faults ... But YOU deseve the same commitment from him .. right?

Hang in there

Thanks. I still feel wound up and wanna cry.

Maybe Ativan is in order.

Yes I think an ativan is appropriate. You deserve some relief. But it hurts too, life is hurting and feeling good. Christina is right, you've been going along with this, not having your needs met for a long time. Time for Respect to be reciprocated for Moose and her kids. You can do this, you are doing it, you clearly communicated your feelings, you stood up for yourself.

I just talked for an hour and a half to a friend on the phone. Laughing and all! So nice!!

Don't feel like I need Ativan now. And I made a 7-layer salad for a picnic tomorrow. Yum!

Took Ativan anyway. Need sleep. Got a reunion to go to tomorrow.

Why am I still up??

A reunion sounds a bit stressful by itself. Showing all your extra pounds that these people never saw back then would be stressful for me. They know nothing about Zyprexa.

True but they saw me last year.

I woke up feeling anxious. Dreams were ok. No reply of any kind.

Still anxious

I do not think that he is kind and considerate. I think you deserve better. Sorry for being blunt.

He's in town. Just drive by each other and no waves or honks.

I texted him with a normal text and no response. I think he's mad. Or has shut me out forever. Did I really write such a horrible email? Was it a mistake? I feel horrible. I'm so out of sorts.

It was a well thought-through email.

You didn't write a horrible letter at all. You were honest and kind and true to yourself. I personally would call him, not more than twice a day, but expect a response. The younger me, would've walked away as I used to have men treat me that way. I think you deserve a response after a 7 year relationship. But also you can't control what he does.

I do hope you have some fun at the reunion.

Reunion was fun. Good food. Lots of talking. Nice.

He responded to my text earlier. Nothing special but a response nonetheless.

So glad you had a good time.........Good for you!