[BlueInanna]

My son's been manic for about 4 days now. And I'm positive it's not meth, we've been testing and he's on probation yada yada. The first couple days I was able to reason with him and he agreed to take the lithium, I try to have it be his idea rather than force him to take it, plus he's now taller and stronger than me, I couldn't force him if I tried.

The past 2 days have been pretty hellish. He tried to go to his old dealer's house yesterday, I was able to stop it. But he's cringing for meth, screaming at us, yelling **** you neighborhood out on our porch. Saying he wants to die, then saying he just wants things different, he wants to have friends, he wants to be able to keep a girlfriend, he wants to not be such an asshole to everyone. Then he flips back to pissed off yelling calling me names. Then he's crying sorry and wants to watch a movie.

I am freakin EXHAUSTED! I'm trying to play calm and cool parent and talk him through all this, but it triggers me! Now it's Monday I havent been able to focus on work. I want to go stay in a hotel and hide in a comfy bed and hide from him. But I love him more than anything, this is my baby boy whose now 16 with BP. I'm trying real hard to keep it together and not start crying uncontrollably. I have to keep it together right now, not the space to lose it. So I'm panicky too.

We have his pdoc appt in an hour, but I'm dreading it because my son has been yelling at me that he doesn't want to go, that he will just refuse the meds. He gets such severe rage during mania, so the meds are pretty necessary at this point. I can't keep having my house destroyed. I think I will talk to the pdoc about this and maybe having him talk to the probation officer to mandate he take the meds. This goes against what I believe in - forcing someone to take meds. But this is what I have to do to keep him safe right? This is tearing me up, I feel really nutz right now. I hate this day, I don't want to do any of this. But I must, so here we go to pdoc town.

[Trippin2.0]

Sending you massive soothing s BI! I can only imagine what you're going thru, as a person, woman, mother, and fellow bp'r. My heart goes out to you and your baby, and for what its worth, I believe you're doing the right thing for you, and your son.

[ChristySpirals]

I agree with the above. You are doing the right thing.

[BlueInanna]

Thanks guys I feel better after the pdoc appt. Even tho it's his pdoc, he talks to me for about a half hour first. He has good advice about working with the probation office and the schools. He wrote my son for xanax - what the heck lol. I've been asking my pdoc for xanax for years now, with a no go.

..I'm glad you feel better Blue, thats a scary situation for you as a mum yep. I was a nightmare for my mum when I was doing the same sort of thing and living in here home and I just don't know how she coped?....I was all over the place and such an a.s.shole! no-one knew what the heck was wrong or what to do?

I really don't know how she coped or has continued to? I think somehow she just knew what her limits were and to keep herself safe. It took way too long for me to realise how much she was there for me and I know things were different twenty something years ago but I still think you mums are amazing!!

I hope you will be ok Blue...

[kaliope]

i know it is hard when you are against meds to choose that option. i was totally against them. i still am. i am bp and suffered many years but broke down and took them against my will, but using my better judgment, and it changed my life. i continue to take them, even though i dont like them, but the difference they have made i cannot dispute. i only wish my parents would have done something so i did not suffer all my life. i imagine how different life could have been. the manner years spent suffering when they could be free from that as they are today. the different choices and opportunities i could have had if my life were free of the chaos of the rapid cycles that held me back for all those years. my life is such a success since i have been on meds. if only i had made this choice sooner. he is not of an age or mentality to make this choice. it is your job to make it for him. you can change his life for the better. you have that power.

[kaliope]

additionally, you may look into finding yourself a support group for family members of consumers with mental health issues. NAMI runs one in many areas. ask around to see if there is one in your area. it could be very helpful to find others in your situation for guidance and advice.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

..I'm glad you feel better Blue, thats a scary situation for you as a mum yep. I was a nightmare for my mum when I was doing the same sort of thing and living in here home and I just don't know how she coped?....I was all over the place and such an a.s.shole! no-one knew what the heck was wrong or what to do?

I really don't know how she coped or has continued to? I think somehow she just knew what her limits were and to keep herself safe. It took way too long for me to realise how much she was there for me and I know things were different twenty something years ago but I still think you mums are amazing!!

I hope you will be ok Blue...

Aw ((monkey)) mothering can be straight hell! But he was a dear tonight and cooked us all dinner. It's a serious rollercoaster!

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by kaliope

additionally, you may look into finding yourself a support group for family members of consumers with mental health issues. NAMI runs one in many areas. ask around to see if there is one in your area. it could be very helpful to find others in your situation for guidance and advice.

Yep we go to therapy twice a week. And I'm going to Alanon right now. I will look into the NAMI ones and see if there is one in my area, a specifically bipolar or dual diagnosis support group would be good, thanks

My hat is off to you, Blue Inanna. I think you're managing really as a strong person in your situation.

I wonder if your psychiatrist has ever suggested group therapy for your son once he
gets stabilized on meds. That might help him get a different view of how others his age are managing their illnesses. If he has nothing to relate to now, that might be of some help.

Just keep doing what you're doing. You're a very admirable person.

Genetic

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with Genetic, maybe he'd benefit in a group setting, he'd have people to relate to, as well as insight from people who are not family members or pdocs.

[BlueInanna]

Very good idea Genetic and Trippin - and spot on with what his T has been saying. She started a group with 4 teen boys she had, but it only lasted 2 sessions because my and another boy decided to screw their moms waiting outside to pick them off and go off skateboarding and get high!. Sooo... no more of that group.

We're trying to get him into AA or NA with a no go so far. It's been baby steps, and 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Now that he's on probation, I think there will be some services available. I can actually ask the P.O. to make group therapy a stipulation of the probation. Thank you so much for your support!! God (higher power, etc., fill in your own word) knows I need it!!

[crystalh79]

My heart goes out to you and I'm full of admiration for you in what I know is a heart wrenching anxiety ridden time. My nephew(who is also 16) and I are the bipolars of the family and we have our lunch dates and it's been helpful to both of us while we are in our different episodes. He can't ******** me and vise versa. I feel that after dealing with my illness for so long that I am able to offer him my advice and complete understanding. I feel that since he can see and we talk about my past present and possible future episodes, that it really gives him a good look about how important the meds are. After being hospitalized he refused meds for months....then he hit rock bottom and opened up....now he's taking his meds ( mostly) and has gotten his first job!does your son have any one around with the same illness that can get through to him? I found that my nephew seeing me in my different states and seeing the havoc that follows was a great lesson that has helped him stay on track. He still has anger issues, but we are getting there. I don't know if any of this helps you. I thought since our situations were similar I would share what our family is doing to help my nephew. Also I have been there for my sister ( his mother) while she has cried and we chase him down, when we have to call the cops and when she needs to escape. You should give yourself some escape time so your stronger for the next twist on he roller coaster . Great job supporting and sticking in the trenches with him....he'll remember that you never gave up on him.....

[BlueInanna]

Thank you so much for your response crystal, it is helpful. I'm happy you and nephew have each other And that is wonderful that he has a job, that's huge! I have bpII and only dx about 1-2 years, so I dont have years of experience and knowledge and coping skills. I'm trying to learn too. I have more to say but feeling so sleepy. Thanks again

Well.. just know that you are saving him!!! I have had that manic rage for most my life cuz I never had a mom like you that would see that I needed help... So hang in there! You are his lifeline and it will pay off. If not now then a little later, but it will pay off and you are working towards him having a stable and happy life. You have my utmost respect and best wishes towards your goal.