Your biggest regret?

Something very similar happened to me in college. I wrote a suicide note to a professor and somehow dropped it. Well, a staff member found it and security found me and escorted me to the ER. It was humiliating. What's worse is that after I was discharged from the hospital I received a letter in the mail, coldly informing me I would not be able to return to the university. It was *devastating*

And even worse, when my mom and I came to the campus to gather my stuff from my dorm, security escorted me to my room. I have *never* threatened another person. I felt like a criminal, on top of a suicidal depression.

The only good part of the story is that said professor and I have stayed close over the years, and she was even instrumental in getting me into grad school.

I left my note the table and it was found by another staff member who I was friends with. On shift that day was my best friend and she handed her the note and said "do somethign with this asap" She called me when I left work and spoke to me on the phone. At this point I didn't know she knew about the note. I told her I felt suicidal and needed out and she said have you called your Doctor , I had an app for the following morning. She said I was ill and needed time out to get better. I was crying on the phone to her. Felt like such an idiot. I ended up being off work for 2 months. When I saw the colleague who found the note I died. I couldn't loook at her. Took me nearly a year to do look at her. I apologised for writing the note and she said she understood. I said I think she may have just saved my life. She said she was glad I was getting the help I needed. I was so embarrassed!

Thank you everyone that has shared their regrets thoughts and feelings..

Personally for me I have so many regrets ... Cutting , su thoughts ,insecurities, rapid mood swings, inability to not beat myself up daily for things I have no control over... Oh the list can go on and on ..

My goal daily is even despite all my " regrets " and daily struggles I try to find a way to keep going if even its minute to minute.

Oh ... my other major regret was in college when I decided to "become" anorexic. Well, it quickly turned into bulimia, which I struggled with for several years. I alienated several friends, including one of my closest. That is probably a bigger regret that my drug use. I feel *super* ashamed when I think of how I acted during that period of my life.

I like your good positive attitude and it may have saved me from posting something stupid and regretful. LOL hug 2U

Yes. And my mother was PROUD of it. She was proud of being so honest with me. Once my dad cheated on her with a woman at my mom's parents' apartment (yikes, but listen on) while my mom's parents were away, but my mom's sister appeared and asked the other woman's son who was alone in the living room "where is Mark?" (my dad), and the boy pointed to another room and said "There, sleeping with my mom". And I of course had to hear this story from my mom being 10 or 11. She is dead, I cannot ask her why she felt compelled to share with me, but I am sure she would have answered something along self-righteous lines.

A child is crying outside. This rarely happens here because my apartment complex consists of either working professionals or retirees. The crying has been going on for ever, it seems. It breaks my heart. I have three children and neither lives with me. My oldest son is 19 and plays collegiate basketball in a far away city. We are not in contact. Have not been since he was 14. My daughters, I hope and pray, would come visit me once a week. I want to hold that child who is crying outside. I am sure if I hold it it would calm down swiftly. I want another child. I want to raise a child to adulthood. I want to give a child my breast. I want to go everywhere carrying my infant on me in a sling or frontpack. I want to know what it feels to be empty-nested after your child, or better yet, children, have left for college and you know you have done a good job raising them.

The funny thing, biologically, it is probably possible. My maternal cousin gave birth at 44, for the first time. I show no signs of peri-menopause. I probably have the genes of late fertility. So I sometimes dream of meeting a great guy, going off medications, and conceiving.

In reality, there is no guy. I cannot go off meds for a day - my last time skipping a dose and a half of lithium resulted in $400 spent on services. Forget being off lithium for the whole first trimester.

I am immature and irresponsible. I do not have what it takes to raise a child day in and day out without days off for two decades. I have a hard time managing my own life, forget about having responsibility for someone else.

I have a whole bag of unresolved family stuff from my upbringing and I would just pass it down if I had a child now.

The crying does not stop. It is unbearable. I will leave the scene: I am going to the grocery story to buy rotisserie chicken, to feed myself and my three cats who keep me company. It is clear now what my biggest regret is: not being able to raise a kid into a grown-up.

Not persuing a relationship with God when I was a teenager.

My biggest regret(s):

Not being opening up to my husband sooner about my mental illness. I tried to wear a lot of "masks" to hide it.

And

Allowing a PDoc to continue pushing SSRI's, even though they were tipping me into mania. The same mania that brought a tornado of bad choices/behavior/impulsiveness into my life and left me with all the pieces to pick up