[Moose72]

Tonight at 6:30. I see him and a fall into this comfortable feeling- physically and because we know each other so well. I feel like telling him that I can't continue the relationship and just walking. I can't keep holding his hand, having warm lovely hugs, laughing together, taking photographs together while he seems to be dating other people, but won't admit it. It feels like an all-or-nothing and right now I've got nothing winning. I so want to let go but I just don't seem to be able to. Its either that or continue to be miserable.

[Trippin2.0]

I can honestly say I understand you're very strong and brave Moose

[Moose72]

Thank you, Trippin!

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, maybe he's not right for you. Tell him you need stability. It's hard to confront people on these things I know.

[Moose72]

Dark, its been 7 years like this. Most people would say "its not gonna change". Do I have too much hope, am I too kind, or am I just blind?

[Moose72]

I feel like saying "I love you deeply but I can't continue our relationship while you are actively seeking out others".

[BlueInanna]

I'm the worst at breaking up... I let this 6 year on / off relationship go on and on. In the beginning he was so aloof and I wanted more, but then it turned into me wanting my space, and not be tied down. Now he's talking about growing old together (eeeeeks!!) We just gotta be strong women and draw your circle in the sand, this is what you're ok with, and that is what you're not ok with. I understand the all or nothing, be brave. But it's your decision, only you can do. Good luck

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I feel like saying "I love you deeply but I can't continue our relationship while you are actively seeking out others".

I think this is exaclty what you should say to him. I know how hard it can be to confront someone we've grown accustomed too. I've learned recently in my own relationship that confronting and not backing down is good. Saying, "Look, you can't just get your cake and eat it too and leave me with crumbs, Mister."

Either when you say that it will start some type of resolution and some type of change. And you have to be firm, which is hard. It's very hard for me to say how I feel and what I need. I always put me last. So, this is new for me too, but I'm finding that even if it starts with a fight it ends with a talk, and then you have to follow through on that talk and that's when things get better.

I agree with BlueInanna, we all have to be strong women.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I feel like saying "I love you deeply but I can't continue our relationship while you are actively seeking out others".

I agree with DH, I think this is the perfect way to phrase it! Kind, honest, firm!

[Moose72]

Time is ticking and he wants to know what I want to do. I said coffee shop or go take pictures. But now I don't know which. Coffee shop = talk . PIctures = out and fun. I'm wearing the $5 dress I found at salvation army the other day. Nice coolish day here today. Pictures means no time to talk, really.

[Moose72]

I feel nervous. I want to go somewhere that we can't because all of downtown is an art fair today (and tomorrow). I want to go take pictures but then we can't talk. A coffee shop we can talk. He doesn't seem too excited. Seems like he's fitting me in between things he'd rather be doing. (Hence scheduling them first for the weekend.)

[Moose72]

I'm getting picked up in 10 minutes. I'll be back to update later this evening.

I'd probably do the coffee and talk, but I just like to get stuff like that over with. If you go take pictures, will you come home an then feel unsettled still because you didn't have a talk? For me I would just feel so anxious untill it was done.

It's good Moose that you are deciding to take a stand for what you want. If its long term commitment you are after then yes it might mean with someone else. But as long as you remain in this relationship there isn't room to meet that person. It could always go the other way and he could decide to commit, but either way you won't know till you are firm about what you want.

I'm glad you are looking out for your own needs. 7 years is too long to ignore your needs and put someone else's first! Good luck Moose, whatever you decide to do.

[Moose72]

Thanks, Anika.

[~Christina]

I think you deserve someone that puts you first. You have years invested in him and he wont fully commit to you .... Shame on him for thinking treating you this way is ok..

Be strong and remind yourself you should expect love and respect !

((( Hugs )))

[Moose72]

I'm back

[BlueInanna]

Are you still here, how did it go? Hope you're ok!

[Moose72]

It was ok. Nice. We both read the same book at the bookstore- I read twice as quickly as he did. We went to the grocery store. We had coffee. We talked about my T appointment. I finally told him in the car that I am conflicted about our relationship. That sometimes I want it and sometimes I really don't. He gave me a long nice hug. So yeah I'm still conflicted.

[BlueInanna]

Hey well that's a start. Eventually you'll be able to discuss and get some clarity on the issue of commitment and him seeking other women. I recently started going to Alanon, and they have a saying, Progress not Perfection. You made progress, you did

[Moose72]

I just was talking to his housemate. He said the two of them ran into each other at this big fair. "He was with some gal.". I wanna fall into a black hole.