[bluemountains]

I feel like I need to wear a scarlet B on my chest so I can be chastised openly with this stupid disease! As I posted yesterday on plumapplepear's thread, I am getting my feelings hurt a lot lately since more people know of my dx.

Here's my latest story-I quit work recently, my choice, to have more time with my children's busy schedules/appointments/etc. I have taught elementary and middle school successfully for 20 years, but in order to be successful I had to work many hours outside of the classroom. I couldn't give my family the attention they need, and it was frustrating.

Anyway, back to my story. My daughter babysits for my pastor approximately 25-30 hours a week, but she has to go back to high school soon. My daughter gets off at 3, Monday-Thurday, great hours! I had offered to take over this job because I could use the extra income, and I really love being with her kids. A few days after I offered, I was told by the pastor and her husband that they have decided to look for a nanny. Obviously I am probably much more qualified than a nanny considering I have a master's degree in education and have taught many years. Also, I have four children, three are triplets, and they are healthy and happy. I can only conclude, maybe wrongly but I doubt it, that my dx scares them. Yes, there might be other reasons, and I may be completely off base about the motives, but she is also among the group of friends who don't include us in social events anymore.

I am so tired of the stigmas attached with having bipolar. If you can't confide in a minister, a graduate of Duke University, then who is left? Lesson learned-don't confide in anyone!

Now, let's see, who do I have that I can confide in without sensing the fear of horns growing out of my head? My t, my pdoc, my husband, and my friends on this board. With my lack of friends, I guess you guys will be hearing from me a lot!

Bluemountains

[Travelinglady]

Bluemountains, I have found that I have to be careful who I tell. My hubby is a minister, too, (United Methodist as well) and he is on disability due to bipolar. I also am bipolar! At any rate, he is trying to teach folks in churches as well as pastors about MI. Sorry this one hasn't gotten the message. Are you positive that's the reason you weren't hired and they don't invite you to things, though?

[~Christina]

Awwww Blue

Im sorry that it feels like everyone is turning away from you due to Bipolar. It's hard not to feel "ganged up" on and losing touch with people you thought you had good friendships with.

Your not alone I think most all of us have had friend family or others not being supportive when we confide about our bipolar.. Does it make is right? No.. Is it fair? Hell no !

Just know your not alone.

Even tho this is an online support site .. The love and support is very real and I know it has helped me so sooo very much . Just having a place to go vent yell smile and plain ***** is priceless!

Vent all you need to, PM me anytime

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Bluemountains, I have found that I have to be careful who I tell. My hubby is a minister, too, (United Methodist as well) and he is on disability due to bipolar. I also am bipolar! At any rate, he is trying to teach folks in churches as well as pastors about MI. Sorry this one hasn't gotten the message. Are you positive that's the reason you weren't hired and they don't invite you to things, though?

No, Payne, I'm not sure of the reasons, it may not be the bp; but the sharing of bp and the incidents have all happened in the same time frame. Even if there are other reasons, my feelings have been hurt a lot lately. I actually acted on the advice of my t, who told me that my close friends would accept me as I am. I guess I misjudged who my close friends are.
I am glad to hear that your husband is being proactive as he educates others about MI. You are not too far away, so maybe his message will make its way here.
Bluemountains

[Confusedinomicon]

Sometimes asking why helps instead of second guessing why something happened. It may not have had anything to do with you. I found that a lot of times I'm wrong because I believe things are related to my illness, but they usually aren't.

[cocoabeans]

If you can't trust a minister? Ya, church groups and religious people are the last you want to trust with anything especially mental health.

[bluemountains]

Thanks for understanding, MTW-I know lots of us here experience the same thing occasionally, unfortunately.
Confused, when it comes to hurt feelings I am not comfortable asking why because it puts the other person on the spot. Being assertive in these cases may only make future contact uncomfortable.
Cocoa, fortunately I don't put it all out there for all of the "religious" people. My pastor is someone I think of as a friend, but not the kind of friend that you share deep secrets with. I definitely don't ask for guidance-that's what my t is for.
Thanks everyone!
Bluemountains

[plumapplepear]

I am sorry you are experiencing all the negativity about Bp. I do notice people do back away when it comes to children funny because children usually bond well with us. Please hold your head up you have done so well been a good mother held down a responsible job. Take care

[Moose72]

My ex was going to be a pastor and I followed him through partial training until they said he wasn't qualified anymore. (This was many years before my diagnosis.) I saw behavior of pastors that was horrible and unkind. Just because you're a pastor (or pastor's wife or husband) doesn't make you kind when it comes to anything! The person you were going in is still there. How some people make it to pastor I don't know.

[alantam]

I have experienced the similar issue at church due to my anxiety and depression issue. At that time, I was very hurt as my emotional problems have made me very fragile. I eventually come to the conclusion that it has something to do with education as the majority of my ethnic group do not understand Bipolar. Many pastors thought that a psychiatrist can help but a lot of times a solid supporting structure is even better. Later, I find out that there are some churches that offer counselling include emotional health and problems that I know that there are those churches out there that do understand and willing to help us. But we have to be careful about picking the right church and support group. If church is not the right place for social support, find a t that is suitable to your needs who can offer you some support.

[PiperLeigh]

Oh my word, BlueM, I used the EXACT same description in talking to my husband about this (feel like I am wearing a B on my chest because it seems like I let it define who I am). But then I decided that might not be the best idea since the B might be mistaken for a different word. LOL (Sorry, a little humor to lighten the mood.)

I'm sorry you are dealing with this challenge right now. You go right ahead and keep posting here. We can be supportive. And I hope that your doctor, T and husband will be extra supportive too. <3

[Zoesmom]

I certainly hope this is NOT the reason. I have always tried to be very careful who I disclose my MH problems with. I've had a few back away from me and it hurt. Then after time I figure it's their loss.

But the worst was when my father decided to email and phone family members to tell them I'm a psycho! On mental health disabillity and have a long list of mental problems. I know he didn't tell them the exact diagnosis's bc he doesn't understand or comprehend what any of them are.

My close family members are there for me. The rest want nothing to do with me. I'm so glad I found this group!

[Blue Poppy]

Hello Blue Mountain,

I am sorry you have had this experience, especially involving your pastor and his wife. There is so much about this disease that is unfair. I feel for you and am thinking about you.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by PiperLeigh

Oh my word, BlueM, I used the EXACT same description in talking to my husband about this (feel like I am wearing a B on my chest because it seems like I let it define who I am). But then I decided that might not be the best idea since the B might be mistaken for a different word. LOL (Sorry, a little humor to lighten the mood.)

I'm sorry you are dealing with this challenge right now. You go right ahead and keep posting here. We can be supportive. And I hope that your doctor, T and husband will be extra supportive too. <3

Funny, Piper! I didn't think of that, although I'm sure if I wore a B there might be some mistakes made.

[BlueInanna]

I'm so sorry these people are treating you this way blue, there are so many who are unkind and don't understand. I can relate very much. When my teen son had his last manic episode and stood on our porch yelling, F You Neighborhood, I was secretly cheering him on, because they have chastized my family. And they sit in judgement, who are they to judge my family, they don't know what we go through, they aren't perfect people, nobody is. I know how hurtful people can be. You have been through much, I wish they would just be good friends to you! We adore you and will be here for you!

[hamster-bamster]

Now I know little about religion, being an atheist, so forgive me if I am off, but: it seems to me that you belong to a progressive congregation, because your pastor is a female. Right? Shame on them, then, for having preconceptions about mental illness! And like you I do sense that MI IS the reason, because your qualifications are impeccable and I am sure they cannot find anything better for the price. I am really sorry such **** happened to you.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Now I know little about religion, being an atheist, so forgive me if I am off, but: it seems to me that you belong to a progressive congregation, because your pastor is a female. Right? Shame on them, then, for having preconceptions about mental illness! And like you I do sense that MI IS the reason, because your qualifications are impeccable and I am sure they cannot find anything better for the price. I am really sorry such **** happened to you.

Yes, HB, I believe you could say in general Methodists are thought of as progressive compared to other denominations, but, of course, churches are made up of people, and the church label doesn't make anyone's judgement better or worse than others. It just really hurt that she would even consider hiring a stranger when I have always been there to help her out. A stranger who could have a MI and doesn't have to expose it during an interview!

Just yesterday my pastor asked if I would pick her child up from preschool-a 30 mile round trip-and deliver her to my daughter, the babysitter. Yes, I did it, and no she would never consider offering compensation. The job isn't a big deal, but my feelings are pretty bruised.

[BipolaRNurse]

I don't blame you there, Blue. I'm sorry about your difficulties with this woman's behavior. I wonder how she looks at herself in the mirror each morning and sees the image of God.

Although I am a church-going Catholic, I believe that more kinds of discrimination and bigotry have been committed under the banner of Jesus Christ than in any other form in human history. Everyone is guilty of it to some degree, but religious people should be better than that......and too often, we're not.

As far as I know, mentally ill people, black people, brown people, gay people etc. bleed the same color, reproduce in the same fashion, and are made the same way as everyone else. Your pastor should ask herself WWJD---Who Would Jesus Discriminate (against) ?

[Victoria'smom]

It doesn't sound that it's a bp thing because she did allow you to pick up her daughter. It may be a cost /age thing wanting to pay less to a kid. I'm sorry that she seems to want to use you.

[Zoesmom]

It seems that Miguel'sMom may be correct here. Probably not a bp thing sinced she asked to to take their child to your daughter. Money thing?!

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It doesn't sound that it's a bp thing because she did allow you to pick up her daughter. It may be a cost /age thing wanting to pay less to a kid. I'm sorry that she seems to want to use you.

It's not a money thing. She would be paying me a lot less.($8/hr) this isn't the first time my offerings have been dismissed in the past few weeks. I offered to work with our youth a couple of weeks ago and I was turned down then, too. I was told that they were going to ask her husband-an atheist, unless recently converted. I know that this might all be insecurities on my part, but I'm feeling pretty worthless here.

I wrote a little earlier, Blue Mountains, about what I thought concerning the stigma and then erased it because I felt it was rambling.

The facts are that 57.7 million Americans over 18 have mental illnesses. 1 in 17
people has a mental illness that is severe. It is the leading cause of disability.

Now, when you think that millions of people have mental illness (and it's as high
as 45 percent of the population in another country), what are our choices?

We can either realize that we're dealing primarily with ignorance when it comes to
stigma or we can let the ignorance of people affect us deeply. Of the two choices,
I prefer to disregard those who know nothing about the real personalities of many who have mental conditions that make the owners extraordinarily sensitive.

I will not let somebody else's opinion dictate how I am to feel. If one in 17 people in this country has a mental illness, you may be sure that some of the ones who are responsible for causing the stigma are the ones who most likely are the 1 in 17 who have themselves an illness (and I suspect that many people get their ideas of stigma from someone who promotes that idea.) Woe to the community who has leaders who sit in positions of authority who have hidden agendas of their own!! (That's what you're dealing with, IMHO.)

I know, for example, people whose families are LOADED with paranoia, but are very successful in hiding it from the world by pretending that other peoples' illnesses are far more severe and deserve to be excluded from social occasions. However, in view of the fact that their family not only has rampant paranoia, but also strong alcoholism, I am amused that they believe themselves socially superior.

What I'm really saying is that it is weak people who cannot tolerate differences.

Stay strong, Blue Mountain, and know that strong, healthy people are non-judgmental.

May everyone be kept free from judgmental personalities!!

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

If you can't trust a minister? Ya, church groups and religious people are the last you want to trust with anything especially mental health.

I disagree. As with all things, it depends on who you are dealing with. Many people at my church are quite aware of my struggles with mental illness. In fact, there are two other members of the choir who have bipolar disorder. None of us are treated differently because of our diagnosis in our church. Not all churches or religious groups are exactly alike; in fact, when you speak of Christian churches the variety is HUGE. Many people don't realize that and assume all are the same. Just isn't so.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It doesn't sound that it's a bp thing because she did allow you to pick up her daughter. It may be a cost /age thing wanting to pay less to a kid. I'm sorry that she seems to want to use you.

If they said they are going to find a nanny, they may be looking for someone very full time which you aren't available for. If you wonder if your diagnosis caused them to not hire you, ask them, but it very well may be they want a different type of arrangement than you are really available for.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you look for a new church? I hate that you no longer feel a part of their community. I would seriously sit down with the pastor and have a serious talk about bipolar and how your being treated by the "church community" (her w/o saying her). Ask her how to become more part of the community. Sorry, also atheism doesn't mean they don't know the bible or our bad w/ kids.