I thought I was alright?...but I have never been alright, and thats ok

My brain is way too beaten to a mystified pulp to go into details and the thing is it’s what I did to it or what it did to me I don’t know who or what is in control of me?
And I mean that it’s beyond me I cannot keep up what I write here is meaningful one moment and meaningless the next it’s insane!

Take this place…this two dimensional world where we unload like…well just like I’m doing right now!...it’s full on it’s intense it’s not attention seeking but it is reaching out for attention….and this is terrifying enough!...

…we cannot play down our mis-fortunes, agonies mis-understandings and generally our utter unluckiness….as well as …of course…our progress….humour and excitements

Life is hard tricky and beautiful and I don’t realise this often enough…

For…I expect to know what to do all the time I punish myself I hate every effort I make to understand what to do when this is the first time I have done this life thing. I feel like I’m letting myself down because I don’t know why I act the way I do get upset the way I do get angry the way I do

The things that have hurt me are too far away in my mind to damage me like they did in the beginning but also they are so distant I cannot fix them!....this is natural…apparently….and yet I still have twisted visions when I am supposed to be resting…

I am damaged it’s an evolving pain it takes a piece of me every day

So???...what the hell keeps me going each day??

I will tell you what I do after I’ve done it

In the meantime I will just cross the black gap float down to another level

Imagery, Dubblemonkey; that's the answer for me and my sanity. I picture it in my mind as it
bubbles up from the unconscious and then let it drain away from my being completely
just as if it were falling into a depthless cave somewhere in the universe.

Just show me the right images and I'm very much alive again. I couldn't find them
on television and that's why I dropped it. Since then, I've been more inclined to
create consciously some of the images I want to have in my life. That's living, too, in part.
I can find it in the appropriate works of art, though.

It's the creative side demanding attention, I think, not so much from others but from
within oneself it requires attention.

And, yes, it's all okay. It beats by far not having a sense of beauty or not being able to let
it affect you emotionally. That's what the artist is all about, and it's a gift, too, which not
everyone has the ability to enjoy. That's why we get funny looks sometimes from people
unable to even sense the power in the aestheic. It's foreign to them. I rather enjoy being
bipolar at times like that. I think you do, too, as do others on the forum. That's why it's
so bluming hard to let you get away!!

So I see you're functioning on all cylinders now well. Remember to keep it simple: that is, don't let the worthless thoughts deter the beauty from the moment:let the images into your soul one at a time until you can let them float away into nothingness where they can no longer affect you negatively and you have, instead, absorbed their beauty fully.

For me, that's why it's so necessary to find health in the positive. The negative just
gets in the way, frankly. Makes me wonder how it would be to be a unipolar and have
it affect me only in the positive--not to be able to even recognize the negativity in life.

Love your imagery, needless to say.

Genetic

thats good advice..

had to read it twice

decided it was nice...

easily

thankyou

James

Imagine, if all of a sudden all of your symptoms were gone. Imagine if all of a sudden, there was no more bipolar. Think it sounds good, right? Nonononono...... one would be so lost it would be scary. This is a process, it's better that way. Hang in there and don't give up.