[canacrip]

I am angry today. I'm angry because I feel cornered. Life is too full of dead ends and blind alleys and information that conflicts with reality. Here's a great one: If you feel like you're going to snap, stop and rest. Really? On what f'n planet is that EVER an option? All these great theories on self-care never works. I'm stuck in the car with my wife for 8 hours yesterday and we are arguing. I try to get out of it, but every word out of my mouth is a trap. What do I do? Open the car door and jump out? It's always something picking at me until I'm back in the hospital. I can't do enough to stay well and now I am pissed. I can't find one good reason to be alive, but I am not supposed to harm myself. I'm not even fifty, can't work, I'm disabled and my wife keeps an emotional distance for good reason. I feel like a child. And I'm not supposed to want to die. Can someone please help me make sense of that? I've had it. I don't want to be here another minute. I hate this.

[Moose72]

I hear ya. I feel that way when I've tried my list of coping techniques and failed. And as in your car example yeah what should you do? Go to a rest stop and get a snack? I dunno,

[Clinte89]

Sorry your having such a rough time. I know its easy to harm ourselves or think about sui but the thing I always remember and it sounds so over used and that is it will get better. Its only bad now and it may get worse but it can always get better. I know what you mean by being treated like a kid I get that all the time and I guess they are just trying to keep me on a level Idk. I hope you get feeling less angry and hang out here no need to leave this world, just hang in there through the tough times and enjoy any good thing you can find.

[roads]

Virtually imprisoned in the car with your wife was an impossible situation. I guess the best thing you could've done was to park the car, leave her in it, and walk alone down the road and find a book to read. Later, arrange some means of owning separate cars.

You don't sound like a loving couple ... why are you together? Can you imagine life without her?

If you're in therapy, I'd say begin seriously looking at your options. You seem to be at the end of your rope and your wife isn't helping!!

Roadie

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't think anyone could handle driving and fighting for eight hours. That's just a terrible situation. I think it's also terrible for your wife to emotionally distance herself from you. That's not a healthy relationship even if you didn't have bipolar. You say she has good reason to keep her distance, but what could that be?

One reason to stay alive is that things don't stay the same. Although things are not good right now, they do change. That can be hard to believe when you're depressed. I think you need to discuss things with your wife. Has she ever spoken to your T or pdoc with you? I think your relationship needs healing. You may be disabled but do you have any hobbies or talents that you can start a hobby? Having a purpose is key to healing. Maybe you can't have a traditional job and earn a wage, but that doesn't mean you can't find meaning in another way.

Hang in there, I know it's hard.

Canacrip, it sounds to me as if you're rapid-cycling, but I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose.

Why don't you go in to talk to a psychiatrist? If you're on meds, they're not working. You may need something else, including a temporary anti-anxiety medication.

Your wife may be distancing herself because your anger is too strong when you release it.

She also needs help, Canacrip.

Please get it; don't risk another week without assistance, even if you have to go in to see your general practitioner before you can get an appointment with a psychiatrist.

You're a conscientious man; otherwise, it would be something like "walk out the back, Jack"; "drop off the key, Lee--get yourself free". That's not your style at all; neither is it your wife's. You both have misunderstandings in your communication with each other. That needs to be corrected as soon as possible.

Take care and please get the help you both could benefit by having.

Genetic