When did you realize you needed help?

Wow I can relate to So many different parts of your stories. I was so depressed a few years ago and wouldn't do anything. When i did, it wasnt good stuff I admit as a married woman-I became kinda promiscuous. Not knowing why. Just did it. Alot while I drank. I was known for being a "*****". Lost respect from so many people of course. Then I'd buy expensive stuff without thinking on impulse. Computers, cars, TVs, Coach purses, you name it I just wanted it all. Then I'd argue nonstop with everyone. Didn't matter how small the discussion it was I'd make a nonstop argument over it My family was just disgusted with me and I brought this all up to my GP. He said he sensed bipolar cuz Wellbutrin seemed to worsen things. PDOC tested me and said there is no doubt I'm BP 1. Lamictal has changed me entirely. No more impulses or promiscuity. Still figh the arguments and depression. Seeing PDOC tomorrow because that seems out of control lately again :-(. Thanks for everyone's stories

I didn't. My internist finally put his foot down after 11 years of trying different antidepressants and having them 'poop out' after a few years or months, and said he wasn't treating me for that anymore---that I had a more serious problem and needed to see a psychiatrist. Was I ever PISSED!!! But he was right, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I did not know anything was wrong. I broke up with my boyfriend and couldn't seem to get over him so I went to a therapist who told me I had major depression. When I went to the pdoc to get meds, he diagnosed me as bipolar I. It was only after that diagnosis that the cycles became apparent. I remained non-compliant and in denial for about 8 years until I started cycling daily. One day I switched from mania to depression in the course of minutes. It was only then that I understood what everyone had been trying to tell me. My moment of truth.

I've been cycle free for the last 4 weeks. The longest stretch of time in the last 15 years. Thoughts that I am cured and don't need meds anymore are cropping up. Let's hope I can ignore them.

I knew there was something wrong when I was about 5! Wish that I was kidding. When I was 5 I was in couselling for depresson and therapy for food restriction. I was held back from grade one for being emotionally ... not ready.

By 11, I had psychosis, which my parents passed off as the devils work, they were very religious. By 14 started having full blown mania that I could recognize, by 17 two sui attempts, and a dx of bipolar 1. However I refused to accept this even tho my life was in complete chaos 24/7. When I was 27, 10 years later I went back to a dr because I could no longer function at all and was dx again with bipolar 1.

I was 15 first time, my mom convinced me I was just being weak.10yrs later, after my brother was butchered and my dad's heart gave in, I kinda lost it and found a pdoc. My mind was unravelling. Thread by thread.I felt so torn, there was 4 different versions of me, arguing OUTLOUD with eachother! I was a wreck, cried non-stop for 16days, I was scared, tired and broken.Only agreed to meds cos I scared the hell outta my kid- quit them, they only water down my emotional experience.

The first time I sought help was after a hypo episode abruptly followed by a sudden depression. But I got scared and lied to the dr in the ER about my symptoms so he sent me on my way. The second time I sought help was after a deep depression and realized that if I don't get help, I will die.
Then after seeking help, I got put on a drug that sent me into a manic episode where I stopped taking my meds and completely denied that I even have bipolar. Now after coming down from that a little bit, I have gotten back in with my pdoc, am trying a new med, and getting back in with my T too. Bleh...

I realized there was something really wrong when I started hallucinating and rambling absolute nonsense right in front of my kids. I lost all control over my actions and it was almost like consequences didn't exist in my mind. My boyfriend thought that I had started taking really heavy illegal drugs. I went to my Dr who sent me to a sleep specialist. The only thing the specialist really did was tell me to stop taking this over-the-counter antidepressant called 5-HTP. For 2 weeks these symptoms continued until I decided to drive to Walmart at like 2am. I fell asleep about 3 blocks from my apt and hit the ditch. I dug myself out in about an hour, drove back home because I had realized I forgot my wallet. I took off as soon as I found it and started falling asleep driving again almost immediately. I can remember seeing big brown garbage dumpster things flying over the hood of my car ad I hit them. Next thing I knew I was waking up in the ditch again. As I was trying to get out a police officer pulled up. He came up to my car, I told him that I thought I fell asleep. I guess I was acting pretty out of it cuz he asked if I was drinking, "NOPE" and he gave me a breathalyzer. My BAC was 0.0000. Then he asked if I was on any illegal drugs and I said the only things in my system are my prescribed medications. He had me do a field sobriety test which I failed miserably. I was then put under arrest for a DUI and agreed to a blood test and a search of my car and purse. As the police were about to take me to the station, the cop that searched my car approached me with a picture of little white pills. He asked me if I knew what they were..I had absolutely no idea and I was completely confused as to why he even asked me that. I wasn't confused for long..I was informed that they found 3 little pills in a cellophane in my wallet (Ritalin apparently). At first I thought they were totally lying until they also informed me that I was not only under arrest for the DUI but also 5th degree possession of a controlled substance. I was completely baffled as to how all this was happening to me. Back at the station I was telling the police that I saw little flying fairies painting golden murals on the walls..: obviously I was hallucinating again, I was taken to the hospital for a blood test and then thrown in jail (about 4am Fri morning). Saturday afternoon I woke up and it was like I was totally back to normal again.,like I had woken up from a bad dream that I could not control. I was released Monday and after giving it a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that I suffered from serotonin syndrome. The only thing I had done different before I went crazy was start taking 5-HTP (over-the-counter antidepressant) and on top of that I was taking 3 other meds that could cause SS. A couple months later I had my first appt with a therapist. He almost immediately diagnosed me as bipolar. 2?mo later he retired so I started seeing a new therapist. I explained to her that I didn't think I was Bipolar..I also explained the whole SS incident. I told her it must have been serotonin syndrome and she told me that it actually sounded EXACTLY like a very severe manic episode. I was shocked and I didn't believe it until she told me the symptoms of severe mania and every single one matched what I went through. She also told me that thr was how my 1st therapist diagnosed me as BP. He immediately recognized my behavior as severe mania. She also told me this would probably help A LOT with court because in as severe mania as I was in, people can black out (I barely remember anything from the 2 weeks, not even my son's bday party), people lose control of themselves - cant stop yourself from doing certain things - you feel as if there is no such thing as a consequence - people completely lose the ability to make safe, smart, or good choices. It can cause people to ramble on nonsensically and it can cause hallucinations..and irritability. I suffered from ALL of these. My next court case is the 19th when I will be pleading NOT guilty (by reason of mental defect or insanity). If anyone had ANY experience with arrests or charges filed against you during a manic episode, please tell me about it and the outcome. I am really hoping once my therapist's letter is admitted into the court that the prosecution will either drop or significantly lower the charges because I have no memory of the crimes I allegedly committed and I had ZERO control of my faculties. I've never been in trouble before - totally clean record - and I'm a 4.0 college student that is graduating pretty soon. I have 2 young children and I want to become a criminal psychiatrist or psychologist but I would never be able to work in the health care industry again if I had a conviction of felony drug possession. So theoretically, my entire life could be ruined because I decided to try an over-the-counter antidepressant and the stupid medication caused me to have my 1st EVER severe manic episode. That would just be so absolutely ridiculous and unfair. Hopefully it works out for me..keep u posted if possible m

Winter. What a story!

I got surrounded by two police cars and two police officers once. Mania. Talked back. Out me in the back of their car. Called an ambulance and sent me off to psych ER. I can see how you wouldn't remember what you did. About two weeks ago I had a pretty bad manic episode though I didn't get into any trouble. I do hallucinate sometimes too.