[moremi]

So Im pretty sure Im slipping into depression. Pretty sure I know why too. I realised yesterday that I hadnt taken my abilify for I guess its been all week. I packed all my meds in a plastic bag to go to my moms for the night and left my abilify in the cabinet and I have been taking my meds out of that bag all week. I cant believe I didnt notice it missing all week its the only white bottle of meds I have.

Just noticed I havent had a shower in two days and dont have the energy to stand up and wash my hair or body but i really havent left my couch so who cares right? Im also going through a treatment thats very strenuous on your body and mind. Its been rough but Im making it. They compare it to chemo. I swear sometimes I would rather roll over and die, but thts just the depression talking I will keep fighting. Some days are better than others. Some days Im up and ready to start the day at 5am Some days I dont wake up at all. Some days Im so weak I litterally can not stand for 5 seconds because my legs buckle benath my weight. I only have 4 1/2 months left to go. My body has already cleared the virus. Thank God for that.

I feel like I am whining today. I try to be positive all the time but I guess sometimes thats hard to do.

[Miswimmy1]

Im sorry. Is there any way you can get ahold of your medication? Reoder it? Call ur doc to fill a new perscription?

In the meantime, make a schedule for youself if you hav to: eat, shower, watch tv, take a walk, etc. You might find that you can get through the day better when you have an itinerary to follow...

[dragonfly2]

(((Crystal)))

Sorry you're struggling so much right now. 4 1/2 months?? Oh dear. Do you have any supports in place? Maybe pay someone to come clean the house, ask people to take the kids once in a while or maybe bring a meal in now and then? Not sure what your finances are like, but home cleaning services are pretty reasonable if you only have them come in a couple of times a month.

Hopefully it won't take long for your Abilify to kick back in. I just increased mine and was amazed at how quickly I felt it working. It's a good med. Are you taking any vitamins? B vitamins especially are good for energy. And make sure you're eating, as much of a struggle that may be. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Try to hang in there. Know that we're here. And please ask for some help with the day to day stuff. You're just not able to do it right now.

[dragonfly2]

I just realized that your kids are older. I hope they're helping you out as much as possible around school. I'd still try to pull in some reinforcements.

[BlueInanna]

Aww Moremi, hang in there. hope you get back on the abilify soon and that it works quickly. let that couch nurture your tired body for now, shower can wait (imho)

[roads]

Is this some standard medical treatment you're undergoing, Crystal? Chemo, e.g., has lots of supportive nutritional programs recommended now & I wondered whether you've checked into any supplements, etc, that might help you get through this. Another 4 1/2 months sounds like forever!!
I'm so proud of you, that you're educated about depression & recognize when it's taken control & you just need to wait for you to get back on top of things again. That's such an important lesson.
I'm with you, sweet lady, seriously pulling for you. I wish there were more I could do.

Roadie

[moremi]

Started back on the Abilify today. Finances dont allow for cleaning services, but that would be nice. I wish my kids would help out more but they have never really had to do anythng so they really dont do much now. My husband gets irritated with me from time to time over the house but he is trying his hardest to understand that i just cant do it everyday or half the time even. Hes getting better anyways. There for awhile he was very upset with me about it and there was nothing i could do but cry. My kids are 13 and 15 and mess the house up like they are 3 and 5. Im talking clothes and trash everywhere, every dish in the house dirty. You name it they mess it up. My 15 year old complained the house needed to be sprayed with lysol last night. I told her to do it and her reply was its not my job to clean up after everyone here. Ha ha so see its my job.....
Not much support here. My husband is my only support and he does not know how to be very supportive but i give him an A for effort because I know he is really trying he just wasnt raised to be comforting or nu rurturing or supportive.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by moremi

Started back on the Abilify today. Finances dont allow for cleaning services, but that would be nice. I wish my kids would help out more but they have never really had to do anythng so they really dont do much now. My husband gets irritated with me from time to time over the house but he is trying his hardest to understand that i just cant do it everyday or half the time even. Hes getting better anyways. There for awhile he was very upset with me about it and there was nothing i could do but cry. My kids are 13 and 15 and mess the house up like they are 3 and 5. Im talking clothes and trash everywhere, every dish in the house dirty. You name it they mess it up. My 15 year old complained the house needed to be sprayed with lysol last night. I told her to do it and her reply was its not my job to clean up after everyone here. Ha ha so see its my job.....
Not much support here. My husband is my only support and he does not know how to be very supportive but i give him an A for effort because I know he is really trying he just wasnt raised to be comforting or nu rurturing or supportive.

Oh my goodness, I would be very angry if one of my kids said that to me. I would stop washing all of her clothes, and every meal I would set a dirty dish in front of her and say "If you feel like eating, then you need to pull your weight." She's 15... that is horrible! If she says anything say, "It's not my job." You do not deserve to be treated like a slave. I'm serious. When I was 5 years old I was already helping with the laundry, vacuuming the floors! If my 6 year old spouts that attitude his DS, t.v., and computer privilages are all taken plus time out as well.

I tell you I can be the worlds biggest door mat, but when it comes to my kids they do not mouth off to me without consequences. No way.

Moremie, I know you're in a hard time now, but I swear that if you start standing up for yourself you will start to feel power. I never stood up for myself and I felt dead. The minute I turned my pain into fuel and put my foot down was the minute I started taking back my life.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Oh my goodness, I would be very angry if one of my kids said that to me. I would stop washing all of her clothes, and every meal I would set a dirty dish in front of her and say "If you feel like eating, then you need to pull your weight." She's 15... that is horrible! If she says anything say, "It's not my job." You do not deserve to be treated like a slave. I'm serious. When I was 5 years old I was already helping with the laundry, vacuuming the floors! If my 6 year old spouts that attitude his DS, t.v., and computer privilages are all taken plus time out as well.

I tell you I can be the worlds biggest door mat, but when it comes to my kids they do not mouth off to me without consequences. No way.

Moremie, I know you're in a hard time now, but I swear that if you start standing up for yourself you will start to feel power. I never stood up for myself and I felt dead. The minute I turned my pain into fuel and put my foot down was the minute I started taking back my life.

Thats the thing about me I dont let anyone walk on me but my kids. Its crazy. I wish I had worked with them when they were younger. They walk all over us now.

[Seaswept]

Hi Moremi,

I'm sorry your going through this; at least you realized it was forgetting the Abilify that made you feel this way and now your back on it. Hope it kicks in soon.

I feel for you with the kids. My daughter is also 15 talk about attitude. She thinks the world revolves around her lol.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by moremi

Thats the thing about me I dont let anyone walk on me but my kids. Its crazy. I wish I had worked with them when they were younger. They walk all over us now.

Same boat here :/ But my 10 year old is under my thumb because of what I learned from the 2 teens!

My 10 yr old asked me why God made teenagers, we talked about how babies are so cute, and kids his age are so cool, and grown-ups are nice... so what gives? So he said he thinks that teens must be a glitch in the matrix!

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by moremi

Thats the thing about me I dont let anyone walk on me but my kids. Its crazy. I wish I had worked with them when they were younger. They walk all over us now.

Well, I hope you feel better soon at least.

It isn't too late with your kids. But, it will not be easy. You can't let them walk on you, it will just ware you down.

[purpledaisy]

Hi Moremi,

Sorry you're slipping.

I feel your pain. Today has been difficult for me. I just went and stood outside for a minute and realized part of my problem is the weather turning to winter, which always does me in.

Sorry your kids aren't more helpful.

Mine is 20 and no longer has time for me. Just the girlfriend. It's breaking my heart. I knew it would happen someday, but I just wasn't ready for it.

My doctor took me off Abilify a few weeks ago, and now I can't even remember why. It's the lithium's fault. I can't remember basic things now.

Stay strong through your treatments! Hope your husband continues to be a source of support.

[roads]

The saddest thing about kids who grow up without any sense of responsibility is that eventually their peers, society, or the law will make them pay their way. Please know I understand how difficult it would be on you to instill discipline at this stage (especially with everything else you have going on), but dark_heart_x's approach would truly be doing them a favor.

Maybe with your gentle, loving touch, you can come up with a Mother's variation on dark_heart_x's Tow-the-Line theme & maybe even with a tiny bit of your husband's input make some little changes here and there. Half-silly, half-serious ... or whatever might mesh (if anything does) with a teenage girl's quirky/whimsical/hormonal personality!

IF you got to a place that you were ready for more, maybe a race between sisters, cleaning up after themselves? Any competition there? Loser might get restrictions on some "freedom" that's really causing trouble ... do you follow? Probably that would be too much ...

And what about nutritional support ... are you good there? Are you sure you're making up for everything the meds and this treatment are depleting you of?

Roadie

[moremi]

Originally Posted by Roadie

The saddest thing about kids who grow up without any sense of responsibility is that eventually their peers, society, or the law will make them pay their way. Please know I understand how difficult it would be on you to instill discipline at this stage (especially with everything else you have going on), but dark_heart_x's approach would truly be doing them a favor.

Maybe with your gentle, loving touch, you can come up with a Mother's variation on dark_heart_x's Tow-the-Line theme & maybe even with a tiny bit of your husband's input make some little changes here and there. Half-silly, half-serious ... or whatever might mesh (if anything does) with a teenage girl's quirky/whimsical/hormonal personality!

IF you got to a place that you were ready for more, maybe a race between sisters, cleaning up after themselves? Any competition there? Loser might get restrictions on some "freedom" that's really causing trouble ... do you follow? Probably that would be too much ...

And what about nutritional support ... are you good there? Are you sure you're making up for everything the meds and this treatment are depleting you of?

Roadie

Thats one thing I am not doing is nutrition. Im not eating well. Im trying but not getting it just right, its hard to eat right when you feel sick all the time. I am also low on white and red blood cells and anemic and my hemoglobin was too low. They are doing a cbc every two weeks to watch my blood count. Other things were low too I just cant remember what they are called. I will just be glad to be well again.

Those were some good ideas to work with my kids on. I may have to give them a try Roadie

[moremi]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

Hi Moremi,

Sorry you're slipping.

I feel your pain. Today has been difficult for me. I just went and stood outside for a minute and realized part of my problem is the weather turning to winter, which always does me in.

Sorry your kids aren't more helpful.

Mine is 20 and no longer has time for me. Just the girlfriend. It's breaking my heart. I knew it would happen someday, but I just wasn't ready for it.

My doctor took me off Abilify a few weeks ago, and now I can't even remember why. It's the lithium's fault. I can't remember basic things now.

Stay strong through your treatments! Hope your husband continues to be a source of support.

I have a hard time with the weather change too. When the time changes it really messes with me. I think thats next month. Im sorry you feel like your son spends all his time with his girlfriend. My kids are always with their friends or at church or at football games or something. I know how you feel when it seems like all of a sudden they are just not there anymore.

[dragonfly2]

You mentioned church and it got me thinking....does your church have any sort of "compassionate service" leader or anything (just using the term from my own church) - someone who organizes meals and help at home and things like that when a member gets sick or has a baby or in some way needs extra help?? There've been times when I was sick or in the hospital and people brought my family meals and even came to clean my house the day before I got home from a hospitalization one time. Can you reach out to your church for help?

[moremi]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

You mentioned church and it got me thinking....does your church have any sort of "compassionate service" leader or anything (just using the term from my own church) - someone who organizes meals and help at home and things like that when a member gets sick or has a baby or in some way needs extra help?? There've been times when I was sick or in the hospital and people brought my family meals and even came to clean my house the day before I got home from a hospitalization one time. Can you reach out to your church for help?

Thats a good idea but I havent been to church in so long. My kids go for youth group to their own church in the neighborhood. I am Catholic and when we moved across town 2 years ago we moved away from my church and I just have not been going. I know thats just awful of me. My life has literally falllen apart since then too. Just realized that. Wow!!!

Awww, Moremi, I am really sorry.

Yes I do know how hard this treatment likely is on you, my sister had rounds of chemo and radiation for cancer, and it was pretty bad. She was very sick, everyday.

Maybe your husband and you can sit down and have a talk with the kids. Assign some chores that they have to do, and a clear consequence if they do not. you are very sick right now, and it isn't too late for them too learn that family needs all members to work together. They are old enough that they can understand that you are pretty ill and need their help. Plus they gotta start somewhere right? When they move out no ones is gonna be doing this stuff for them.

I am guilty of not handing out enough responsibilities around the house to my kids too. I am a perfectionist and it's easier for me to do things myself, but it's not doing them any favors. I've been trying to give them more chores tho and it's been going ok. When I was a kid I had chores I had to do, and it didn't hurt me any.

I hope that you can get your meds back on track, and that the rest of your treatment doesn't go too badly. Hope you can start to feel better soon. Looking into supplements and stuff is probably a really good idea.

Hang in there! You will get through this one!

oh I didn't see the second page of posts here, roadie has good ideas there.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by moremi

So Im pretty sure Im slipping into depression. Pretty sure I know why too. I realised yesterday that I hadnt taken my abilify for I guess its been all week. I packed all my meds in a plastic bag to go to my moms for the night and left my abilify in the cabinet and I have been taking my meds out of that bag all week. I cant believe I didnt notice it missing all week its the only white bottle of meds I have.

Just noticed I havent had a shower in two days and dont have the energy to stand up and wash my hair or body but i really havent left my couch so who cares right? Im also going through a treatment thats very strenuous on your body and mind. Its been rough but Im making it. They compare it to chemo. I swear sometimes I would rather roll over and die, but thts just the depression talking I will keep fighting. Some days are better than others. Some days Im up and ready to start the day at 5am Some days I dont wake up at all. Some days Im so weak I litterally can not stand for 5 seconds because my legs buckle benath my weight. I only have 4 1/2 months left to go. My body has already cleared the virus. Thank God for that.

I feel like I am whining today. I try to be positive all the time but I guess sometimes thats hard to do.

Crystal, being up at 5AM maybe a symptom of depression called "early awakening" - unless, of course, you are really perky and as you say "ready" for the day.

Weakness in the knees calls for checking hemoglobin - it can be anemia.

oh you did mention anemia. How are they addressing that? I am anemic too, but I remember when I had septic shock from a bad operation at the hospital, my blood counts were so low. Ohh I feel so badly for you!! I remember exactly how worn out I felt.

[moremi]

I wish they would do something. For now they are keeping an very close eye on my levels. I get a CBC every two weeks. I guess they are low but they said it is to be expected with this treatment. They told me I would feel this way before I agreed to treatment. I am anemic but they are not treating it. Beats me because when I was anemic when I was pregnant they treated it immediately.

Yes they could give you a round of shots, or you could be taking liquid iron, or pill form. Although it might upset your stomach even further. But I would ask about the shots, since that won't make you feel sicker. And will give you a big boost in energy.

I have never been able to fix the anemia through supplements, or food. I have low ferritin levels, which creates the anemia. The shots helped a lot, but it doesn't last with me either.

Where you anemic prior to treatment, or only during pregnancy and after treatment started? Anemia creates depression too, so I would really get on them about this one.

I don't know what to say! I want to say something cuz you've been a good friend to me before. I know what it feels like to slip into depression and I really hope that it was just the lack of abilify. I know that sometimes I can come out of it before it gets too bad, and I really wish that for you. Hang in there Moremi! Your worth it!