[OutlawedSpirit]

So I am experiencing a dilemma. I was recently dx bp and have just stared meds. I am on short term disability while adjusting to them (I work in a factory, not really a place I can afford to find out my meds make me dizzy or groggy). As far as my mom knows, I was on vacation last week.

I have not told her about my dx. When I was in high school, I saw a therapist for SI. My mom just told me it was stupid and that I should knock that *** off. So I am terrified of her reaction to my dx, especially since I am taking time off of work because of it.

On the other hand, my gf's mom said that I should tell her because if something were to happen to me, she should know, especially since my gf's family is aware of my situation. (This mostly was a concern for her when I was in my last depressive state, because of my thought patterns).

I just don't know whether it would be better to leave her in the blissful dark, or to go ahead and tell her of my dx, meds, and short term disability, and risk whatever her reaction will be. Honestly I'm afraid of her telling me that there is no point in me seeing a pdoc and getting medicated because it's "all in my head".

As a side note, I started taking my Lexapro Friday night and for the last two nights, I have had really vivid dreams. Does anyone know if Lexapro can cause vivid dreams or if it is just a well timed coincidence? Not that I'm complaining, I love dreaming, I'm just curious. I know when I used to take melatonin to help me sleep, it would cause me to have really vivid dreams.

[hamster-bamster]

I was speaking Norwegian in a dream just now, after two pills of Melatonin. I mean, I was speaking German but trying to alter it to make it Norwegian. It was really vivid... Unfortunately, a phone call woke me up... Infrequently, but I do get those very vivid dreams. If you like dreaming, I would not worry.

Unfortunately, I have no words of wisdom in regards to your mother. Speaking up is a risk. Is it worth taking? I do not know.

[manic most days]

Ur mother sounds like my mother. The woman is a person who can put me down with few words. My mother is someone I have eliminated from my life. I simply told her I do not need the negatiity nor will I have it around my children. She still goes around to everyone with her sob story that she is dead to me blah blah...
It may sound cold hearted of me but my mother is CLEARLY bipolar and manipulative as all get out. I mean really who smacks their child across the face and calls them a liar and kicks them out on the streets at 12 over me telling her that her husband was coming into my room at night unwelcomed!!! You do what is best for YOU!! Someone who is going to make you feel WORSE about something out of your control is unhealthy and definetly NOT what you need right now.

[OutlawedSpirit]

MMD, I don't think my mother would do anything to be intentionally malicious, but I think it is more along the lines that she doesn't understand. I think she has a problem accepting a MI because it isn't something that can be "seen". If you have the flu, you run a fever, if you sprain your ankle, it will swell. Not to mention the treatment is complicated and unsure. If you have a headache, you can take a couple aspirin, you don't have to spend a couple years finding out which kinds of aspirin you can take, and it what dose, and which combinations so that you get more relief than side effects.

[manic most days]

I understand most mothers aren't like mine. All that I am saying is right now you do not need to be put down or not understood. If my child came to me with something going on bet your behind I'd be investigating and trying to understand everything that I could. My son recently told me he was addicted to any pills with opiuts in them, as a Dental Assistant I knew what these pills were we prescribe them to people getting teeth pulled and people that had oral surgery did I know the "high" from these meds? NO!!! Do I now? Yeppers!!! Maybe go to the library or ask your Dr for a book that would make her understand even though she cannot see it that it is something that affects you in a major way. Good luck hun, don't let people disregard what your going through it is very real and at times very disabilitating

Well there are a lot of physical symptoms associated with Bipolar. That you can actually notice, restlessness, speech pattern, sleep problems, you get the idea, but to the untrained eye they may get overlooked, not quite the same as a swollen wrist. However lots of physical illness can not exactly be seen either... cancer, diabetes, autoimmune diseases... at least not all the time. So it's sort of a flawed thinking, seeing what we want to see.

Only you know if it will be worth telling her. Maybe right now isn't the best time to tell her. The dx is still fresh to you, you have enough stress at the moment with taking time off work new meds etc. If it were me, I would probably wait until I was in a better place with it myslef. I'd wait until I had more time to comes to terms with the dx, adjust to the meds, and have worked out a treatment plan, and until I felt strong enough that if there was going to be any nay-saying that I would be able to handle it.

I hope that if the times comes and you do decide to tell her that she will try to keep an open mind and let you help educate her enough that she can be of some support for you.

I think sometimes with parents part of the real problem is that they don't want to except it because it's their child. They don't want to admit their child has problems, or that it might be a reflection of them or their parenting. Guilt and helplessness, sometimes easier to pretend.

Your mom probably realizes there are MI's, most people do believe that schizophrenia exists for example, but easier when it's not your own child to accept.

[sonotony]

I was afraid to tell my family after I was first diagnosed, but I figured that they were going to find out eventually. For me, the anxiety of having to keep a secret was worse than the fallout from telling my family.

[Victoria'smom]

I think many parents are "not my child" people. For years my husband's parents were okay that I was BP but when he got dx'd with BP they felt he "tricked dr.'s". My parents believe my husband's dx but not mine. My husband's family did believe we both had MI after a funeral of a family member. Unless you live with her I'd just pretend I'm going to work. Let her ease into it.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I have let her think I have been going to work, since I've been off for a few weeks now. She is used to me working second shift, so if I go over to her house in the morning, it doesn't really give anything away.

One thing I am bad about when I'm manic is adopting pets. My father was the same way, although I think he is far worse than me. My mom always said when they were married she was forced into the "Pet of the Month" club because he was always bringing home new animals. I recently adopted a new kitten, he is so adorable, but I'm hoping maybe that will be one of my "symptoms" to help her realize this is a concrete disorder, and not just "in my head". Maybe some of my stunts when I was in my late teens can help as well, gods know I pulled plenty of those...

I just don't want her to think I'm making excuses for the things I've done. I mean, bp is part of the reason, but it is no excuse. I still made the choices I did. I just want to be able to "show" her there really is something wrong. I just want her to understand.

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

I just don't want her to think I'm making excuses for the things I've done. I mean, bp is part of the reason, but it is no excuse. I still made the choices I did. I just want to be able to "show" her there really is something wrong. I just want her to understand.

Then all you have to do is say what you just said here. That it's not an excuse for things you have done, but it is a factor in the why you did what you did. And that you take responsibility for things you have done, and you are working on a treatment plan, and ways to help you make better choices for yourself, despite the effects that this disorder might have on you.

Main point, you are trying to do what you need to, for a better life. And that's really all most parents want from their children, they just want to know that they will be ok. Hopefully she will see this and your actions towards getting better, and will be able to offer you positive support.

It might take time for her to understand, or deal with it, but I hope she will, for your sake.

[hamster-bamster]

I think pointing out the pet adoption behavior is a really good idea. It is something not shared by the population at large. What a cute symptom, frankly! Post a picture of the kitten!

I also really like Anika's comparison with diabetes which you do not necessarily see. Of course, your mother would counter that there is a blood test for diabetes and no blood test for bipolar. Be prepared for that. You may want to mention that although there is no blood test for bipolar, many bipolar treatments involve regular bloodwork to determine the levels of drugs in the body. So there is something concrete to hold on to for her.

Do you spend when manic? Do you buy obsessively, a lot of the same or similar goods? This would be evidence to show that you are bipolar. This is very concrete (and quite draining on bank accounts).

Above the regular posts here is a thread on recommended books for bipolar - you may want to read some and then select one to give to her to read, when you are ready.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I attached the pic of my newest kitten, Reverend. Hopefully I did it right. I can do just about anything on a computer except when it comes to pictures, for whatever reason.

I also have two other cats, two dogs, and a snake right now. Every time I get a new pet my mom always warns me that I'm becoming a fast member of the "Pet of the Month" club. I guess I just look at it is they need a home, and I have one.

[hamster-bamster]

Reverend is extra cute and special!

[BlueInanna]

Reverend is adorable, and I agree adopting pets is a cute symptom I have 5 cats, they each are so special with their own personality, and they like my big dog. Then there are the chickens... lol.

Sound like you're close with your mom and want to tell her. I think you're getting ready to do it and rationalizing it all out. Might turn out more ok than you think, I hope so!

[MommaR]

The only ppl who know my dx live in my house, except for one older son who lives on his own and his wife. Even tho my own mother has been dx-ed w/ BP, they would be skeptical and judgemental. I have enough real crap to deal with!

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Reverend is adorable, and I agree adopting pets is a cute symptom I have 5 cats, they each are so special with their own personality, and they like my big dog. Then there are the chickens... lol.

Sound like you're close with your mom and want to tell her. I think you're getting ready to do it and rationalizing it all out. Might turn out more ok than you think, I hope so!

I think and hope you're right! I like to rationalize things before I do them sometimes, although I think I also have a tendency to over-rationalize everything.

On a side note, I would love to have chickens, but for some reason people seem to be unhappy if you keep chickens in the middle of the city... Reverend has to stay upstairs for now (that's where our bedroom is at) cause he is still a little baby, and our big dog tries to play with him, but she doesn't play very gently. He'll be able to come down and play with her when he is big enough to handle being stepped on, and wrestled with. Since he is half Main Coon, he will definitely be big enough to run with the big dogs

[OutlawedSpirit]

I may have a good opportunity to talk to my mom about my dx tomorrow. After I drop my daughter off at school, she wants the two of us to go to the apple orchard. I am going to her house for a while before hand, so maybe we can talk about it over coffee in the morning. Wish me luck.