[Passion222]

Was there a specific moment that drove you to see a DR and get meds?

when my wife got down on her knees and pleeded with me to get help. Pleeded for me to listen to her that I had a problem. Yelled at the top of her lungs that I needed to get help. I was in a hypo rage at the time.

I was never physically abusive, but I would have uncontrollable rage with my mania at times. Yeah, it was her that sent me in to see the psychologist. I was honest, out of spite with the psychologist. I honestly believed that she was going to tell me that 'of course I was normal' and that 'it was my wife that was the problem'.

Well, another visit and a five hundred question test later, I came up speechless with my new diagnosis and an initial visit with my now current pdoc to confirm and medicate.

Yeah, that was a horrible day.

[moremi]

It took me awhile to admit they were right. It took me being diagnosed three times before I finally believed them. Well, it took a lot more than that. It took 3 hospitalizatins, me walking out on my family in the middle of a full blown manic episode and being gone for a year before I actually took this serious and buckled down and started taking the damn meds properly. Ive been back at home with my family for over a year now and on my meds pretty consistent. I still hate the meds, I dread putting them in my mouth everyday. Ijust keep hopeing that one day I wont need them but the docs keep telling me this is lifelong....

[snugglebeary]

Long story short, I thought I was possessed by a demon and my nephew told somebody I was acting unusual and they brought me to the behavioral hospital and they kept me there for nine days...nine days of observation and questions, group therapy and activities, talking to therapists and doctors, blood tests, my family's observations, ect. And finally the doctor diagnosed me as bipolar.

[snugglebeary]

I didn't believe it then, but now I'm beginning to believe that the doctor was right.

[hamster-bamster]

I had already been seeing p-docs since 2006, taking meds and having attempted sui, but I still did not believe that I needed meds or help. Then one day akathisia from Seroquel drove me crazy, I was extremely irritable, everything got to me, and I came to the realization that Seroquel was not working. I had just read the Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison and, influenced by it, I checked myself into a hospital and asked for Lithium. Lithium was the first drug that helped. This was in 2009 and I was almost 40. Prior to Lithium, nothing - Depakote, Lamictal, Seroquel - helped at all.

[Moose72]

I went to my primary dr who diagnosed me with PMDD and I was sent to a pdoc who said I'm bp.

[cocoabeans]

Which time?

First time? Room mate brought me to an ER when I was 19. Didn't stick.

Second time? After a few days of non-stop ranting and carrying on, and years of mood swings, husband said go get help.

Right now? Not on medications. Why? Don't feel they're needed, don't see evidence that medications work as a prevention and don't see medication (to prevent episodes) as worth while especially when considering side effects and risks associated with the drugs.

I learn to cope with the bipolar and even question the legitimacy of the diagnosis. The experts have ideas, some even have experience but, they don't have good science and even if they did do they have my experience? No. What you get from them is a worst case scenerio plan and a gamble.

When my last round of medication worked well enough for me to notice the side effects, I knew it was by time I weigh the pros and cons, plan to cope and get off the drugs.

If I become desperate, I'll take 'em and only then, in a "acute" situation.

[Blue Poppy]

............. I recall lying in bed crying. I had been crying for hours and I couldn't stop. My husband was asking me what was wrong. All I could say was "I want my Mom."

[tallwaters]

I knew from the time i was a small child something was wrong. Very sad i suffered in silence for most of my life. I was in my 30`s when i finally broke down severly. Was put on prozac and became highly manic which by the way i thought that was what normal was. I was diagnosed bp.

[Victoria'smom]

First time? I was in a depression my husband gave me an ultimatum go to the GP or they leave. I went dx with depression and I was given anti-depressants. That threw me in to a mixed state. My GP told me to stop taking them.

I went to a regular appointment with a new GP. He had my records I went in he asked me why I wasn't on my anti-depressant. I told him "I don't need it" went on talking. He dx me bpII and I walked out w. depakote and a pdoc appointment. Pdoc re-dx'd me way to often with tons of different things. Ended up with mood disorder NOS.

Third time? I went through a very hyper mood. When I was stable I decided I needed to go to the clinic before I crashed. I wanted to be in control of my treatment. I was dx with bpI w/ psychotic features. My T wants it changed to mood disorder NOS. So I have no idea what my dx is at this point.

_______________________________________

My husband

First time... He only went to pdoc because I wouldn't go if he didn't. Dx'd seasonal depression, then Major depression.

second time... He went into a mania and I refused to let him go to work for fear he'd get arrested, fired, or in an accident driving. We waited it out but needed a dr. excuse to go back. Instead, he got a can't work for a year and dx. of bpII

[sugahorse1]

When I hit a major depression and couldn't function at all. All I did was sleep and cry

Originally Posted by tallwaters

I knew from the time i was a small child something was wrong. Very sad i suffered in silence for most of my life. I was in my 30`s when i finally broke down severly. Was put on prozac and became highly manic which by the way i thought that was what normal was. I was diagnosed bp.

I knew too, from the time of being nine, that something was really, really wrong. I wonder how many of us did this.

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I knew too, from the time of being nine, that something was really, really wrong. I wonder how many of us did this.

I was seven when I first became depressed. So, yes, it does hit us very young sometimes, doesn't it?

Fast forward to 14 ---> hospitalization, sui attempt, meds

Went in and out of therapy for depression through teens and early 20's. Postpartum depression at 28, went on Zoloft and seemed to feel really good really fast! (Hmmm...wonder why...) Had a miscarriage later that year - more postpartum type stuff, but this time the antidepressant (Paxil) sent me cycling and we kept increasing the dosage, thinking I was having breakthrough depressions w/rage and then good moods (through a GP) - finally crashed and burned ten months after miscarriage and diagnosed bipolar. I've been with a pdoc ever since.

I was unable to work for a while and my family fell apart after my second child was born. Looking back, I could see all sorts of manic episodes during times when I wasn't medicated, but by then the damage had been done and I became a chronic cycler, even after coming off the antidepressant. I'm 42 now and things have settled down but I'm unable to work again. My family is at least intact now, so that's what I hang on to.

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

I was seven when I first became depressed. So, yes, it does hit us very young sometimes, doesn't it?

Fast forward to 14 ---> hospitalization, sui attempt, meds

Went in and out of therapy for depression through teens and early 20's. Postpartum depression at 28, went on Zoloft and seemed to feel really good really fast! (Hmmm...wonder why...) Had a miscarriage later that year - more postpartum type stuff, but this time the antidepressant (Paxil) sent me cycling and we kept increasing the dosage, thinking I was having breakthrough depressions w/rage and then good moods (through a GP) - finally crashed and burned ten months after miscarriage and diagnosed bipolar. I've been with a pdoc ever since.

I was unable to work for a while and my family fell apart after my second child was born. Looking back, I could see all sorts of manic episodes during times when I wasn't medicated, but by then the damage had been done and I became a chronic cycler, even after coming off the antidepressant. I'm 42 now and things have settled down but I'm unable to work again. My family is at least intact now, so that's what I hang on to.

14 was my sui attempt too. must be a magic number. My parents denied me treatment and said, "It's not like it worked!" A social worker had come to the house the next day because the police got involved the night of my attempt and my parents turned her away. That's the way it had always been for me! Not asking for help and just being this way.

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

14 was my sui attempt too. must be a magic number. My parents denied me treatment and said, "It's not like it worked!" A social worker had come to the house the next day because the police got involved the night of my attempt and my parents turned her away. That's the way it had always been for me! Not asking for help and just being this way.

Oh Dan, that's cold. Sorry you had to endure that attitude from them. My attempt was actually in the hospital. A friend told the school guidance counselor that I had been suicidal and my parents took me in that weekend. I was inpatient for two months, but that didn't stop my parents from remodeling the kitchen while I was gone - I think they were glad to get rid of me for a while, actually. But I got the help. I'm glad you eventually got help too.

If that were to happen today and a parent didn't do anything about it, the social worker would bring in child services to intervene. Scary stuff.

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

Oh Dan, that's cold. Sorry you had to endure that attitude from them. My attempt was actually in the hospital. A friend told the school guidance counselor that I had been suicidal and my parents took me in that weekend. I was inpatient for two months, but that didn't stop my parents from remodeling the kitchen while I was gone - I think they were glad to get rid of me for a while, actually. But I got the help. I'm glad you eventually got help too.

If that were to happen today and a parent didn't do anything about it, the social worker would bring in child services to intervene. Scary stuff.

did the inpatient make a big difference for you?

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

did the inpatient make a big difference for you?

It probably saved my life. It got me into treatment for a while. I eventually came off the meds, but it left the door open for treatment any time I needed it. It became easier for me to tell my parents when I wasn't well and got me back into treatment a few years later.

The eerie part of it all is that my daughter was in the same hospital a few years ago and they had converted the open units to family accommodation rooms for families who lived far away to stay in overnight. So I spent the night in a room similar to the one I had lived in for a month when I was a teenager. Her hospital stay was much, much shorter than mine of course (omg, can you imagine an insurance company paying for a 2-month stay in a private psych hospital today??) - but it was still a bit strange. My mother also suffered from mental illness and was hospitalized after I was born. Like mother like daughter, I suppose.

[dragonfly2]

Meant to ask...have you ever been hospitalized?

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

It probably saved my life. It got me into treatment for a while. I eventually came off the meds, but it left the door open for treatment any time I needed it. It became easier for me to tell my parents when I wasn't well and got me back into treatment a few years later.

The eerie part of it all is that my daughter was in the same hospital a few years ago and they had converted the open units to family accommodation rooms for families who lived far away to stay in overnight. So I spent the night in a room similar to the one I had lived in for a month when I was a teenager. Her hospital stay was much, much shorter than mine of course (omg, can you imagine an insurance company paying for a 2-month stay in a private psych hospital today??) - but it was still a bit strange. My mother also suffered from mental illness and was hospitalized after I was born. Like mother like daughter, I suppose.

wow.. that's awesome you got to stay with your daughter there! I would think being back in there would have been a trigger.

[faerie_moon_x]

I knew something was wrong even as little kid, probably around 7 or 8 years old. But it took me 23 years to get into treatment, which only lasted about a year and a half.

I hope that I stay in treatment for life. I have always hated myself growing up and now I am learning not to. I never want to go off my meds.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I hope that I stay in treatment for life. I have always hated myself growing up and now I am learning not to. I never want to go off my meds.

I think it will be easier for you because you have people around you who help you get into treatment. The support system. People who want you in treatment so you will be the good person and not the mess of BP.

[HappiestGirl]

I was driving to a wedding where I was a bridesmaid and I crashes the truck my grandfather gave to me when he passed. I couldn't stop crying and shaking on the side of the road. I called my mom and told her I didn't want to live anymore; she told me to go straight to ER. They admitted me for three days and it changed my life. I thought I would be a zombie but medication has helped me not be so extreme all the time.

[gina_re]

After my first panic attack when I was 19. I didn't know what was happening, and didn't know the reason I slept for hours and hours was because I was depressed. My GP put me on antidepressants, until I was hospitalized a few years later and mood stabilizers were thrown in. The bipolar part was diagnosed about 5 years later. Now I just make sure I am stable on my meds so that I can continue to function (aka keep my job and stay in school).
I always thought I was different from my adolescence. My diagnosis just confirmed it...