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#1
Oct 04, 2012, 10:35 PM
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As I've said previously, I'm currently part of a Partial Hospitalization Program here in Indy. It requires me to be in a group setting from 9 to 3 everyday! In the last two days my emotions have been all out of wack. The doctor increased my Geodon to 60 mg twice daily and I've just had it with drugs being the answer. They help, but it's a pain in the *****. I've been off work for 3.5 weeks and I just want to be better so I can return to work and earn a full paycheck. I want to be numb and not feel ANYTHING! Last night I slept really well, and tonight I'm not even tired. It's 11:31 here and I don't feel like sleeping. I'm tired of having to make daily goals to take care of me, why does that matter. I haven't fully accepted any of my diagnoses. I'm bipolar and would rather not have to deal with it. i'm just tired of being sick and it being and internal battle. My "friends" don't get it, they don't understand how I'm sick. Like I have to explain myself to any degree. I just feel the way I feel. I'm tired of it! Life is a B**** and I'm just over it. I'm tired of the ups and downs daily.
My rant is over...thanks for listening |
 Anika.
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#2
Oct 06, 2012, 02:40 AM
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Aww Flipper, I am sorry I didn't see this earlier... Sorry things are going so rough, and ya with bipolar it happens hey. I found things for me got better slowly, as I accepted and found the best ways to manage it for myself. I know it can seem like it will never get any better, or that it's always goon suck, but it just takes time, and time to figure out what works for and what doesn't.
But nice to have you here, I hope you keep posting! 
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Ad Infinitum This living, this living, this living..was always a project of mine  Last edited by Anika.; Oct 06, 2012 at 03:10 AM. |
 flipper34
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#3
Oct 06, 2012, 06:25 AM
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hope things get better for you flipper.
hugs! |
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#4
Oct 06, 2012, 07:18 AM
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I know the feeling, just wanting to medicate myself away to the point that it wouldn't matter anymore and just live life through a medicated stupor to where I didn't have to feel anything, therefore whatever I felt couldn't be right or wrong.
Yeah, I know that feeling. It's what I had wanted for months after diagnosis, with the feeling getting stronger instead of weaker as time went on. That does start to fade as one starts to accept their diagnosis though, it's just a rough road to travel. Keep posting on here and sharing, it will make things a bit easier and you'll learn a lot. I sure have. So don't be shy, keep posting! |
| flipper34
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#5
Oct 06, 2012, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Bi-Polar, BPD Lamictal 150 mg, Geodon 60 mg (2x daily), Zoloft 150 mg, Buspar 10 mg, Trazadone 50 mg |
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#6
Oct 06, 2012, 06:10 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Bi-Polar, BPD Lamictal 150 mg, Geodon 60 mg (2x daily), Zoloft 150 mg, Buspar 10 mg, Trazadone 50 mg |
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#7
Oct 06, 2012, 08:57 PM
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Sorry your going through suh a tough time and its not any easier that friends don't understand or sometimes aren't willing to understand. Making daily goals is good it sucks to har to do but if it keeps you going then that's great! I need to do that myself. But hang in there, you can pull through this thing.
__________________
“When everything seem to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ....” ― Henry Ford lamictal 200mg, synthroid 75 mcg, Testosterone injections thanks to lithium causing thyroid problems |
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#8
Oct 07, 2012, 06:47 AM
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Flipper, it will be okay. That is one of the only nice things about this disorder. Once you hit the bottom, you have the jump up to look forward to. Unipolar depression, there is not real end in sight. At least with bp the sucky parts go both ways. Mania or hypomania may not be the best answer, but at least they're better than no answer, if you ask me. Even though I seem to be stuck with mania, I know that the crash will come eventually. Things will change, just hold on to that thought to get through. I really hope you are starting to feel better. You're in my thoughts. And here, have some hugs
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"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten" - G.K. Chesterton Dx- Bipolar Disorder I PTSD OCD Meds- I am currently Med Free 
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