[faerie_moon_x]

I have come to the point where, I can't do it on my own. I have had an episode every night this week. And two the previous week. It's going to destroy everything if I don't get help soon.

During the day I just feel... agitated and all over the place.... My thoughts are all over the place. I can't focus. My house is a nightmare. My self-care is not good, not terrible but not good. I haven't been eating, my sleep is disturbed constantly, and my husband pointed out I've been having multiple occasions of paranoid thoughts. He said I'm Ms. Conspiracy Theory ever since I was in the hospital.

So... going to try to find some help.

[BlueInanna]

pdoc then? or T?

about the hospital... they really are trying to screw you, it really does seem like a sort of conspiracy. i don't think you're too off base there. your hubby sounds sweet and supportive, i'm glad he's there for you.

can you take some time off?

[hamster-bamster]

I doubt Dark Heart can take time off after she already took time off in connection with her somatic issue. Right?

[Anika.]

Awww DH good luck!!!

I'm glad your going to seek some help, you've been doing this so long on your own. I just hope you can find the help you need. Like Blue asked are you looking for a pdoc, or T, meds? Will your insurance help you with any of this? Is there any where to get free couseling? I know it's not quite the same as a T but sometimes you can find a really good one. I had an awesome couselor once, she did help me quite a bit.

Let us know hoe this goes ok?

That's the only thing to do, Dark Heart X.

If you get a psychiatrist whose personality meshes with yours, you're home free. If not, go with another one and see how you fare. Depression is a real blow, isn't it?

I wish to goodness doctors would hurry up and find the answers. I know they're trying.

Have you heard about the discovery of genetic inheritance of missing enzymes that metabolize vitamin B9 (folic acid) into folate which can cross the blood-brain barrier to create more serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitters?

Only genetic testing can determine if that's a cause for our depression. However, my psychiatrist went ahead and prescribed 7.5 mg. Deplin once daily on the assumption that, if I had the genetic inability to metabolize folic acid, it would appear in a better feeling tone for me within weeks. It worked!

I wouldn't be without it now. Fewer and milder depressive states are the result. (I'm thinking about asking her to increase it to 15 mg. once daily!)

There's an answer for you out there. Keep at it until you get it all assimilated and are feeling like the whole person you really are underneath the chemistry imbalance.

Take care and let us know how things go.

Hope you're feeling better within days,

Genetic

[sweepy62]

i learned that i need help as well i hope you go to your pdoc or t also i have alot of interrupted sleep and it sucks i wish u the best keep us posted

[faerie_moon_x]

Thanks everyone.

My insurance offers 3 free visits to mental health (psychologist) a year. I'm going to start there. I've done it every year so far. The last one I had was really good but she retired. I have been trying to find one that works with my schedule on the list they give me. Not all of them have the right hours, etc.

A pdoc for me would be $80 per visit and that's too much right now. But if I at least get in to a psychologist I think that's a start anyway.

I can't take time off work due to my other health issues. I already have 0 FML from when I had the baby. I'm going to be taking more time when I have my surgery. It isn't the hospital that's screwing me on that, it's the GI surgeons. My general surgeon is working to get me admitted to the hospital to have the surgery. I'm really scared about it all. But he said it isn't safe for me to wait until December when I will have $600.

I will look into that folate thing, genetic. I should probably be taking vitamins anyway, to help with my other issues and get healthier all around.

Like what I mean about the paranoia thing, when I was in the hospital it would take a long time for a nurse to come in and I would look at my husband and say "they are letting me sit here because I still owe money from having the baby, they're doing it on purpose." Then another thing recently a co-worker's wife is having a baby and he said her third trimester ultra-sound her baby is the same weight as my youngest, which I had to have a c-section. So I was going on about how the doctor lied and I didn't need to have a c-section, (this is the lady's first baby and I'd already had a previous c-section.) Then the neighbors are selling their house and everytime the realtor is there showing it I just know the people all are making fun of me if I get home and they are outside, and saying bad stuff about us. I just keep thinking that realtor is going to do something to our house or the family, and it freaks me out.... so I was telling my husband and that's why he said I am all about conspiracy theories all of a sudden and freaking him out because I'm not normally like that.

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I have come to the point where, I can't do it on my own. I have had an episode every night this week. And two the previous week. It's going to destroy everything if I don't get help soon.

During the day I just feel... agitated and all over the place.... My thoughts are all over the place. I can't focus. My house is a nightmare. My self-care is not good, not terrible but not good. I haven't been eating, my sleep is disturbed constantly, and my husband pointed out I've been having multiple occasions of paranoid thoughts. He said I'm Ms. Conspiracy Theory ever since I was in the hospital.

So... going to try to find some help.

sounds like you've given it everything dark....and you don't knock back a challenge!

.....and it's even a new challenge to surrender....harder than most realise!

I hope that when you seek some extra help it's not because you believe you've failed...

but just that you want things to improve....yep

[Clinte89]

Well said monkey getting help sounds like a good thing for you to do. I'm sorry your having such a rough time darkheart. I hope it gets better for you soon.

[Moose72]

You sounding I did when I was manic recently. Hugs

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Moose72

You sounding I did when I was manic recently. Hugs

See that's what I'm wondering. I feel pretty wound up all the time, and then I just snap....

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

sounds like you've given it everything dark....and you don't knock back a challenge!

.....and it's even a new challenge to surrender....harder than most realise!

I hope that when you seek some extra help it's not because you believe you've failed...

but just that you want things to improve....yep

I admit I am terrible at asking for help... I've got that whole DIY attitude down... not really the best thing. Thanks.

[Anika.]

haha aww DH, it's called the DIY ask for help, you gotta ask for the help yourself, pretty DIY if you look at it that way. Plus you got the whole " make the help work for you thing" too.

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I admit I am terrible at asking for help... I've got that whole DIY attitude down... not really the best thing. Thanks.

...

yeah I got the same thing...I don't want to feel bad about it though.

...it's been a while now I guess...couple years....but everytime I hospitalise myself in a panic....like

aaaaaah!!...real breakdown...emotional disaster...and not just sayin' that!

layin on the little bed in the little room..."really needing much much more attention"...than I can get and just laying there waitng for meals and meds and who knows what??

I decided it's better to freak out at home...than freak out more when I'm no where near it

[~Christina]

You have sure been thru hell this year (((hugs)))

Take care of YOU

[faerie_moon_x]

Well had a really good weekend. Only one minor moment where I was starting to freak out but my husband brought me back in from the edge. That was great. I even did laundry and went to the store and showered. All in one day. That's a lot for me on a weekend recently. Going to start calling around this week to the psychologists.

[Clinte89]

Glad you had a good weekend that's great and a great plan for this week. I have found psychologists to be extremely helpful hope you find the same.

[BlueInanna]

good, so glad the weekend was a bit better. i wanted to tell you that i talked to anthem ca about how they only cover 12 therapy sessions a year. they said the therapist just needs to call them and say that more are needed and more will be covered. i'm hoping maybe the anthem in your state does the same sort of thing?

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

good, so glad the weekend was a bit better. i wanted to tell you that i talked to anthem ca about how they only cover 12 therapy sessions a year. they said the therapist just needs to call them and say that more are needed and more will be covered. i'm hoping maybe the anthem in your state does the same sort of thing?

Well, mine covers therapy but we have the Employee Assistance program which is 3 free visits per year. If I go to the therapist for an appointment it is an $80 co-pay..... So, that's my issue with that. $80 is more than a tank of gas. Sometimes $80 is groceries for 2 weeks for us (because that's all we have after bills....)

Any specialist visit is $80. Any non-specialist is $40.

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Well, mine covers therapy but we have the Employee Assistance program which is 3 free visits per year. If I go to the therapist for an appointment it is an $80 co-pay..... So, that's my issue with that. $80 is more than a tank of gas. Sometimes $80 is groceries for 2 weeks for us (because that's all we have after bills....)

Any specialist visit is $80. Any non-specialist is $40.

Several months ago, I got a letter from my insurance company saying that they were redefining what was considered a specialist. Psychologists were going from being considered specialists to being considered primary care. Is there any chance your insurance did this too? Worth looking into. Fingers crossed for you!

Best,
EJ

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

Several months ago, I got a letter from my insurance company saying that they were redefining what was considered a specialist. Psychologists were going from being considered specialists to being considered primary care. Is there any chance your insurance did this too? Worth looking into. Fingers crossed for you!

Best,
EJ

Yeah, worth looking into. But considering my insurance company feels that mandatory follow-up surgery, that going without could kill me, requires it's own co-pay, I would be shocked.

My insurance is very co-pay happy.

They did remove co-pays for physicals. So now I can at least lie about why I need to go to the doctor once a year.