[FeelingHopeful]

When someone is in a depressive state, or you think they are, are there different things you can do? I suggested a few different things but I think its too hard for them, maybe seeing people, doing things, thought of leaving g them alone , let them have space, but is that harmful, need opinions from the someone with bipolor disorder , how do be there for someone without annoying the person who is suffering, are Smiley faces annoying to send, just really need advice from bipolar sufferers on how there loved ones, significant others or friends help them when they are in a depressive state?

[Clinte89]

I say suggestions for me are annoying, being left alone is nice to a point but not to alone cause then I feel unwanted, seeing people happy makes me sad, smiley faces make me sad because its like oh everyone else is happy why can't I be. Stuff like that.

[Anika.]

I guess for me it's by being kind and gentle. Asking how I am doing, and actually wanting to know the answer, just being my friend and letting me know I am loved.

Everyone is different tho. Some people might not like what I like. What I don't like is when my bf tries to "fix" or solve how I am feeling, or issues I might be upset about. Sometimes people just want to vent, and to be heard, but are not looking for opinions. So listening would be a top one for me.

I get really upset if I tell him I am feeling like this ____ because of this_____, and he responds with something like "don't be upset about that, you just need to to do ____ or _____." it make my feelings seem invalid, and it also makes me feel like he doesn't think I bother to think of simple solutions and just like to whine. In reality he is just trying to help, but when I am depressed, it is not what I hear.

[Trippin2.0]

Someone who offers to just be there... I always crave that. I dont even want to offload, just the comforting presence of someone who cares would b nice... Depends on the person tho... Sometimes I hate my brother for bugging me, and guilting me into watching a dvd... But I love him for it afterward.

[faerie_moon_x]

I think that it depends. I hate it when people suggest things sometimes because they are not the right suggestion. For example, "Just take a few deep breaths and you'll feel better," that's an insulting one. Because, if it were that easy it would already be done.

I think instead of suggesting things to help them feel better, it's better for me if people offer to do things to help me. Or even not even offer, just surprise me. Or like Trippin said, just to be there and not even talk necessarily. Or to just listen if I'm trying to explain, but not offer advice. Just comfort by listening. Or to just have someone to watch t.v. with can help...

It really depends on the person.

if i'm feeling low i just like people to leave me alone.

listening for me is good to a point, but i also don't like too much of it because it's just not the way i am.. i like my space

If I'm depressed... just sit down and hang out with me. No need to relate or know how I am feeling. Just sit with me. Hate life with me. Just accept me and how I feel without trying to change the way that I feel. No need to relate, just hang out. talk **** with me about things. Don't focus on me, just be there.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

If I'm depressed... just sit down and hang out with me. No need to relate or know how I am feeling. Just sit with me. Hate life with me. Just accept me and how I feel without trying to change the way that I feel. No need to relate, just hang out. talk **** with me about things. Don't focus on me, just be there.

Yeah, this ^^^

Don't try to fix things or make it better. Just listen and be there.

[ellipsisdream]

A lot of the time I want to be left alone- even though sometimes it is not the best idea. The best thing one can do is ask if I would like company and then just hang and maybe watch tv, go for a car ride, watch a movie... or even just ask me what I need versus telling me to do XY or Z, because I will feel better. It seems simplistic to tell me that deep breaths or a hot bath will fix my broken down self. "Go for a walk" when I can barely get out of bed in my pj's... not helpful.

In summation, I guess asking if I want company or if I think maybe X would help are the best things. Sometimes just hanging out. What works for me though, may not work for everyone else.

[thickntired]

I will tell you my number one pet peeve in the world. My mother will say to me, "Are you taking your medicine?" So, I would say offering unsolicited medical advice, unless you think a person is in danger, is off limits. We are adults and most of us know what is the best thing to do for depression, it's just easier said than done.

I think it's great what you're doing for your partner! My husband often points out the negatives of my disorders and it hurts my feelings.


Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[canacrip]

I like to not be bothered by others, but I also don't want to be alone. I don't want people giving advice, but I would appreciate the opportunity to talk without fear of judgment, or that person trying to solve everything. A simple "I'm sorry you are feeling this way" is more than sufficient.

[FeelingHopeful]

Ty everyone this means so much to me I love him so much and want to stand by him, even if he doesn't respond to stuff I told him he doesn't have to if its too hard what about a code word for when he slips into depression episodes will that work??

[Anika.]

That could work I guess, I never tried it. But sometimes when people are really depressed it is too hard to tell someone, especially someone you care about it.

When he is doing well again, that would be a good time to try to talk about what he needs when he is down. It's hard to do it when you are down, but when he is doing well it might be a lot easier for him to communicate his needs with you.

[FeelingHopeful]

Hey guys I wrote him a little something but unsure if it sounds OK? Maybe I can run it by you guys to see??

sure, you can run anything by us

[Clinte89]

Indeed share anything and ill do my best to give good advice about it.

[BlueInanna]

you are so sweet, what a good friend for a bp'er to have!

when i'm getting depressed, i wouldn't give a codeword. sometimes i don't even know i'm depressed. i will tell people i don't feel well. i do avoid calls, unless it's my best friend or mom. i like texts that say, "hey friend no pressure just checking on you you're on my mind".

i understand the "are you ok? texts". because i do isolate, and i don't mind them, will usually answer with a a quick, "yes, thanks". honestly most of my friends have not stuck around.

what i would be willing to do instead of a codeward is to reach out to a friend if i'm feeling unsafe. perhaps you could ask him if he's willing to have an agreement that he will talk to you if he starts to feel unsafe, i.e. hurting himself/others.