no chill, no do, no nothin

Still no chill, except for in the air. I was trying to figure out how to do that in my other thread, but..

But now I am not not chilling, I am not doing either. I feel like my brain is stuck in something sticky, and my body is stuck there with it. Something is going on and I don't know what it is.

I am not overly or underly stressed, or worried or anything. Sleep happens, well some nights, last night. Stuck in a swamp of something gooey, which would be perfectly fine if the timing was right. This isn't really the time for what ever it is, cause I do need to do stuff right now.

My feelings are fine, I am not down or up, I don't think I am numb, I just don't know what I am, or where I am at the moment. I don't think I like this. Little purgatory here and there. Waiting to be put down somewhere.

I am used to stuff moving forward, or backwards, up or down, when it just halts... I seriously don't comprehend. That isn't part of the middle world that we live in, unless you die.

What is this place??

sss wish brains would send out a memo before playing 'stuck in the mud'... But if their bipolar brainly personalities are as warped as they seem, it would make sense that memos would spoil atleast half their fun... Hope you can wade through the mud soon to find your footing...

If this is another kind of metophorical death I gonna be pissed, I didn't forget the other ones. Ya a memo would be nice trippin. I said I wanted to learn how to sit, this isn't what I meant. Careful what you wish for?

Sometimes it does seem like someone is tugging my little strings.

Maybe it is numb, because I think there are feeling but I can't pick them out. Kinda grey flat terrain leading to nowhere.

Ya road to nowhere, we'll take that ride. As it was sung, cept they knew where they were going, as least they said they did.

No numb is not right, that's not it. Discombobulated I am.-----X.x

I actually get like this a lot. This is like when my husband will say I'm a zombie face. I have feelings, and I feel them distantly, but I can't seem to access them properly and they feel far away or foggy.

I don't know what it is. I have no name for it or what causes it.

Sometimes, I get like that right before an episode. Other times after an episode. But, other times I just feel that way... it's not pleasant.

I hope it just fades out for you and you're okay.

Thanks DH, that's the thing, it's not foggy, It's not zombie, I been there many times, remember those ones really well. I don't know how to explain it, which is why I feel so uncomfortable. Cause ya know I like to know every bit, bit of a controller over my stuff.

It feels like, my soul left.... like something important left. But my feelings are ok, I did check I thought they were not, but they are intact. Sorry I dunno, just troubles me when I cannot put words to what it is, or I don't know what it is.

Maybe I need to go roll around in a forest or something and try to suck up somethings energy. Cause I feel like someone stole the energy that makes me be me overnight. Sounds a wee bit paranoid, maybe it left on it's own accord, I feel really uncomfortable like this.

and to you both.

Wish I could have explained this right the first time. I suck with words and description.

Oh, I've felt like that before. Just like something is missing.

I used to be very in tune to my energy. And then, I don't know what happened. I felt like something or someone cut the cord that gave me that ability, and I just didn't feel right. I couldn't ground myself any more. I was a really good meditator. Like.... I could do the whole "out of body" thing really easily. I could be hypnotized so easy, like if someone was doing hypnosis on someone else,I would fall under, too...

But, after that happened, not any more... I don't know what it is... I've been trying to gain it back for a long time. I hope that's not what happened for you. Because, I struggle now, my mind won't go quiet (not that it was quiet before, but I could work around it.) And I just felt totally disconnected, and I've never felt re-connected like I was before, and I hate it!

So, yeah, go walk in the forest. Or even go yoga in the forest. If you have a forest use it. I would love to have a forest. (Lucky Canadian...)

Oh see yeah sounds like that. I hope it comes back i can't just go walkin around like this.

I have a forest behind me, and another beside me, and a creek, and marsh, Some mountains and other nature stuff. I am sorry you don't have a forest nearby... that isn't good for humans.

I hope you get this thing back as well DH, this is not good at all. It's like my life line. I have zero direction without that.

Your home sounds beautiful! I live in a big city. With houses too close together, and a tiny yard. I grew up in the city, but my grandfather had built all the houses far apart. And he kept part of his land for his vegetable garden. My house had a stream running through the yard, which was huge. And smaller streams for irragation. And my grandfather's field, which won many awards.

Someday I want to live near the forest, and reconnect with the land.

Go into the beauty of your home. I think you can reconnect. I think you can. I don't think its hopeless. I think I can, too, someday. You are powerful, I think you will recover quickly.

DH......

I dunno, I feel like I am gonna puke.

"There are many ways Soul Recovery is performed. Shamans will do Soul Retrieval work by Journeying on behalf of their client to the inner dimensions of reality where the soul pieces have been lost and retrieve them for their client."

ok ya, no... I don't really understand any of that. Your soul, how can it just get lost, in pieces mind you... in the inner dimensions of reality, and be recovered by someone else. Now if that is not creepy I don't know what is.

So someone could just go walkin round this inner dimension picking up pieces of soul? I might be walking in the middle world, and I might hold onto a few weird beliefs but that doesn't seem likely. Specially for 150.$ an hour times 4 sessions.... ohhhh heh.

I hope you will be ok dear Anika...

Well, at least I can keep you company there, Anika. Wherever "there" is. It's a weird state here too. (Oh how tempting a lead-in to a rant that is(!)) Hung out on the couch all day, but it wasn't relaxing. Couldn't rally a flying flip. Didn't really feel anything, but somehow not the same as numb. Or even anhedonic depression (know that one all too well). More like that moment right before falling asleep that's neither here nor there. When computer shut down unexpectedly, I managed to force myself to vacuum and a couple small things (cleaning is a mindless endeavor for me). But now? Right back there. Oh well. Is what it is.

Hope you get to feeling more connected

Yeah, somebody running around picking up bits of soul is definitely creepy. And to pay for it? Lol. If they want to collect bits of my soul, they're going to have to pay ME! A lot!

I'll be ok, when I find what I lost.



thanks dm Better stay in bed then.

Aww sorry IZ, something is makin rounds then. Hope you feel better soon.

Heh, ya mine isn't for sale, I don't care how much money, or mojo, or recovery skillz they have. That site gave me a good laugh tho.

Why don't we have a spiritual emergency/crisis forum ?

There is no spiritual crisis toll free numbers, no forum, what do you do? with questions that have no answers...

Enjoy the trees!

Ooops, that's what I get for rabbit trailing around and not refreshing the page before posting(!)
is for the music.
How were the trees?

Aw Iz, I didn't go, I feel like I can't move.

And now it's dark, I am scared of the dark, to the park in the dark.. alone to dark park.... no

I haven't had a panic attack in a long time but I think I am having one now

Given that, I'd not go then either -- that's totally ok. Hope thinking about it isn't a contributor to your feeling panic-y.

Do you have any recent regrets?

Do you feel stagnant in your growth?

no, maybe growth overload... my mind has been at work for a long time. Thinking, reeling, turning, science science science...

I was feeling an overload of empathy the last few days, and like pretty heartfelt emotional, but didn't feel bad, and now I just feel extremely weird.

Maybe its a brain shutdown. Sometimes the brain needs to recover from all the stimulus and growth!

It could also be bipolar-related. You could be experiencing mood swings, only they aren't as intense and they are the more "raw" versions of it. (So you only experience the mood shift)

mmm I dunno tho, there is no mood, if that can be a mood... moodless. That life force energy, the energy we are made of feels gone. And that can't happen cause I think we would die. An extremely long in the body dead experience..

Bipolar maybe but stuff I don't recognize I dunno, anything and everything is possible at some point. Haa like how I go to the most reasonable explanation last. ...

I wish there were people that new more, but dr's don't know enough, there guess is as good as mine, or yours. And scientists, don't know either I don't think.

Yeah, you know, I remember your posts on that and was thinking and wondering if there might be a connection or something. Or... maybe they're not so much connected per se as being on the same waffle. Waffle as in ground shift or heat mirage. Though the kind with syrup makes a more fun visual.
Waffle-riders!

I do hope the weirdness mellows and it's not my intention (at all) to make light, but sometimes I really do think some BP states are like blips, waffles, what-have-you. Weird patches that just are part of our landscape so to speak.

well that the thing landscaping, and science. I think I need to just turn off for a while.

The thing with landscaping and science.... molecular universes, oddities at extreme levels of existence. Turn if off and make waffles. for now, or just syrup.