[Clinte89]

Are you angry? When did you become angry? What happened or is happening. What do you get angry about? I dont know why Im angry. I just thought this would be interested to find out why Im mad. I just went off on my grandma and I never do that no matter how much of an old bitty she can be. I figure asking these questions may help me out. Just see what sets most people off.

[BlueInanna]

Not all therapists view it this way, but in counseling with my son, we talked a lot about anger. This therapist taught us that anger is a secondary emotion. And it's root is 1 of 4 (or combo) primary emotions of Fear, Pain, Confusion, Sense of Injustice.

This view has helped both my son and I, Team Destructo, stop and think for just a minute or second to figure out wtf we're so mad about when it hits. Cuz when it hits it's such a strong feeling, anger, can turn to dangerous rage in an instant.

So the idea is effective communication. Because we get so caught up in our anger/rage feeling in the moment, usually things get broken or mean words and the whole chance for effective communication is lost.

So if you can slow down enough when you feel the anger and ask yourself, is this 1 of those 4 primary emotions, or a combo? Then you could further slow yourself down to say something like, "Grandma, I'm feeling really mad right now, not trying to be a jerk to you, but I feel (scared, hurt, confused, like something is injust) when (you say this, or do this, or the family treats me like a child, or whatever it is).

That's the idea, I liked the therapist's approach. My son and I still use it among a buttload of other skills we learned in that year. But this is the one we use the most because anger has been our biggest problem together. Hope some of this might help you too.

[Clinte89]

Wow! Super thanks and s. that is great cause right now I do feel fear and injustice has been done to me. Fear that I may go into a rage of sorts and injustice because she has been so unreasonable and my family has t realized yet I'm hurting. Thanks thanks multiple thanks!

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm extremely angery, actually...

I didn't used to be. I used to be this calm person and laid back. It took a lot to make me angry. I now get the rage, full force fire anger.

What made me angry?

I don't know. There's so much that has happened to me, I don't know which thing flipped the switch in my brain...

wow Clinte...awesome idea here..

unfortunately (in jest)...I'm way too much in love with all you lot to be angry ......

right now!

but hell I'm worse than an unexorsised demonic alligator when I get going ...

seriously nasty I hate that side of me ....no compromise just belligerent bastard I am....

can do some real damage like that...have done...oh not good!

it's a shame I aint angry I could really help you out with this one...

so gentle right now

[Clinte89]

Stay gentle James. That's good you don't have to be angry now just even a time you where angry. What set you off. Like today in kinda angry to be angry but I am afrias it will turn to rage and in pissed my family hasn't realized I'm in trouble. I don't know how to tell them and they are suppose to read minds.

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Stay gentle James. That's good you don't have to be angry now just even a time you where angry. What set you off. Like today in kinda angry to be angry but I am afrias it will turn to rage and in pissed my family hasn't realized I'm in trouble. I don't know how to tell them and they are suppose to read minds.

yeah mind reading illiterates!!

best thing brother...to look in the mirror for a moment or 5

...I'm not even sure what for it depends if you want to hold it in or not?

cos when you check out your own dangerous face then ya' get to see what they are about to see...hehe

and just scrape the walls with your suddenly brand new beast fingers....rip open the roof head butt with tangled diabolical burning hair.....

and just hope someone catches your screaming eyeball when it pops out!

nuthin' wrong with gettin' mad Clinte brother...

[pegasus]

Yes, anger is infact a healthy emotion which if shut away can lead to depression! So, you need to find good ways to let it all out, preferably not at grandma. Pillows are good for... Punching! Shout in the middle of the woods. Write a really stinky letter but don't post it. Go for a real long walk. Sometimes it's easier to figure out what the anger was all about after you've let off a bit of steam! Hugs

[Clinte89]

Ill try to find a way, Ive been cutting latley so trying to stop. Only did it three times today!

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Stay gentle James. That's good you don't have to be angry now just even a time you where angry. What set you off. Like today in kinda angry to be angry but I am afrias it will turn to rage and in pissed my family hasn't realized I'm in trouble. I don't know how to tell them and they are suppose to read minds.

oh Clinte honey, please try not to cut. I don't exactly know how to stop, but my 2 older kids do it and it breaks my heart. I saw a scar on my daughter's arm couple days ago, a big one. She asked me what I was staring at and I said, "looks like it needed stitches". she said, yea it probably did. but she hides it at the time. being a parent is hard, and my kids do the cutting and hide it from me usually. but i try to talk to them a lot, and get them to T, etc.

it's up to you to communicate this to the family. they may not be mind readers, or they may be wanting to pretend things are ok because they want things to be ok. but they must care about you a whole lot, you're still living together.

what is it you want them to do to help you? or to do differently?

[Clinte89]

Just maybe pay attention to my mood a little I don't know how to tell them. My dad accidentally saw my cuts today and was like are you ok I said fine and he was like ok good. It's like dude I'm resorting to cutting myself strike up a convo. Idk just want them to realize I'm not doing well even though I say I am. Lol I know that's to much to ask.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Just maybe pay attention to my mood a little I don't know how to tell them. My dad accidentally saw my cuts today and was like are you ok I said fine and he was like ok good. It's like dude I'm resorting to cutting myself strike up a convo. Idk just want them to realize I'm not doing well even though I say I am. Lol I know that's to much to ask.

aww hun... this is difficult and dammit your T is out of town right? i think he doesn't want to invade your privacy and your business, that might be why he's saying it like that. like he doesnt want to make you uncomfortable or ashamed. these parents love you. i have an idea... it might be a shocker for them, but what if you showed them the poem you wrote about cutting. you would need to plan it so they don't spaz out and have you 5150'd. just talk to them, tell them you love them and not trying to hurt them or scare them, but want to share something about the real you and how much you are hurting. and if you need more attention from them, it's ok to say that, same with space if you want people to leave you alone. idk, an idea..

[Clinte89]

Maybe ill email it to him I'm not so good face I face. Ill do that yep thanks for the advice.

Anger? Oh! My old friends... Blind Rage and Fury. I haven't seen a lot of them lately, but I grew up with them. I grew up so angry and hateful that I stopped caring about myself at a young age. It became a game of, what I can handle, letting **** just happen to me and saying I was tougher than it. It got to the point that I was invincible, nothing could hurt me more than I could hurt myself, so that made me powerful!

What caused it... hmmmm... I had a lot to be angry about. in and out of the house at 14 as I wished cuz my parents didn't really care.

this is your thread, not mine. I'll get back to the point. I always have anger inside of me, if I stop to look for it, it will stare back at me. So I have found other ways to deal with things, and if I don't know how to deal with something, the anger does come out of standby and makes things worse lol. Do you have a constant threat of rage and anger taking over too? it sucks.

[thickntired]

I usually bottle up all my anger, which is not healthy. It just causes resentment & self-loathing.

I used to work with kids and we had one boy who was really angry. His parents got him into martial arts and that was a big help.