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  #1  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:31 PM
Anonymous32912
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I don't know why??

it's the worst thing about me

insomnia don't help much ...

either way I'm having a panic attack!!...

damn thing!
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  #2  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:36 PM
Anonymous32912
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i've gone past it...

like 4 days now

mania I know I should sleep but I can't seem to stop...

now it's just getting fu.cking ridiculous I'm seeing things I blinked away yesterday cos I seen them before

why can't I just go lay down?

because there is no attention in the land of the eyelids....

hazy....ouch!
  #3  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:40 PM
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pegasus pegasus is offline
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((( dubblem ))) Breathe my friend. Remind yourself that you are ok. James is ok. I'm sitting with you, rest on my shoulder, everything is ok...
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Last edited by pegasus; Oct 05, 2012 at 04:52 PM.
  #4  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:41 PM
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Clinte89 Clinte89 is offline
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Relax friend, things will be ok. Paranoia is a ***** I know but it will pass. Maybe take something to help you sleep perhaps? Sleeping is good and it sounds like thats what you need right now.
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  #5  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:43 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is offline
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Double I was paranoid recently a lot too. It sucks.

Can you call the psych ER and have someone talk to you? I find that really helps. Do you have any as-needed Ativan or klonopin or Seroquel you can take? It's nearly 6 pm here. It wouldn't be a bad idea to take something at this hour IMHO.
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Ingrezza 80 mg
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  #6  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:46 PM
Anonymous32912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pegasus View Post
((( dubblem ))) Breathe my friend. Remind yourself that you are ok. James is ok. I'm sitting with you, rest in my shoulder, everything is ok... :love;

i don't know why I push it so hard Peggy...

what a piece of work!

is it ok for me to shake....it's kinda really sudden....i hang on as long as I can a nd love everyone and then it's monkey in the wall....

I will try and rest with you

how does this happen??

it's crazy....

i need to rest somewhere if you got the time I will rest with you

running on empty...
  #7  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:48 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is offline
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Poor monkey man!
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice
Ingrezza 80 mg
Propranolol 40 mg
Benztropine 1 mg
Vraylar 4.5 mg

Gabapentin 600 mg
Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily
  #8  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:52 PM
Anonymous32912
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i don't want to go to sleep cos I don't want to wake up again...

sh.it this is hard

I don't want to have to wake back up!

I just hate the shock of waking up to my damaged brain.....rather keep it alive...

so then I know what I'm in for!

I hate the shock I don't want to wake up any more
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  #9  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 04:56 PM
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Clinte89 Clinte89 is offline
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James it's gonna be ok your not broken mate, now who said that to me? This will pass and if you sleep and wake up again things might even be better.
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“When everything seem to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ....”
― Henry Ford

lamictal 200mg, synthroid 75 mcg, Testosterone injections thanks to lithium causing thyroid problems
  #10  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 05:02 PM
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Anika. Anika. is offline
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You gotta sleep James, brains and things can't do much good with no sleep. Maybe you will feel better after some sleep, even if it doesn't feel like that now. Plus if you go to sleep you can dream, which is stuff you just can't do here. If you don't sleep James it's gonna get worse.. when you wake up we'll still be here for you.

The longer you stay awake the more confused you are gonna get. Like you said insomnia doesn't help much.. no it doesn't it helps create this. And it's messy. Your body can't take it and neither can the mind, you will shake, and get weak, your heart will pump faster, your blood pressure will increase... it's not so good. If you are drinking and sleep depriving, it's not a good combo.. I don't know if you are, but that is kinda scary..... I hope you allow yourself to lay down and have some rest James.
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Thanks for this!
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  #11  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 05:08 PM
Anonymous32912
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you guys told me to talk to you...

there is alot more...

I have many answers...

it's a shame I got more reasons

if I had any less I couldn't answer nuthin'.

the most upsetting thing for me is ...."even when my body does collapse soon"

there aint nobody around but me to hold it

my mental illness makes me a really lonely guy...

I have not felt the touch of another human being for years now like an intimacy prison!

I make out it's ok....but it ain't ok

you all told me to talk to you...

monkey is killing himself in loneliness

he don't know what to do about it...

his brain don't work in the world we see..

no-one can be with me

I don't even know what I am or especially what I am for

you told me to talk to you

I cannot remember when last I was held and cared about.

I'm a bad boy...

dangerous...

think of dangerous ?.....increase it a bit until it aint comfortable

put some eccentric brain in there...

and you got me you got James

i'm afraid of myself....

you told me to talk ...it's better than just sayin' nuthin'

I am human too

I'm not all about love and advice....

i'm damaged
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  #12  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 05:24 PM
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treehugger727 treehugger727 is offline
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I wish you well, friend. I wish that I could talk you down and sit by you and just hang out. I hate that you're lonely...makes my heart hurt. Rest at least if you can...try yo eat something and make yourself a cup of tea. Hugs.

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be gentle with yourself.
you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

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  #13  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 05:26 PM
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Anika. Anika. is offline
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James I hear what you say... sent you a pm.

I am not afraid of you... not at all... but I know what you are saying...

Keep talking James, just let it out...but let go of it, don't keep letting it out and sucking it back in.... gotta let go of it.. it's the only way to make room
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  #14  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 05:55 PM
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Clinte89 Clinte89 is offline
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James I feel ya my friend, I agree illness makes you lonely I'm not fit to be around another person, do you feel that way? I just wonder because it sounds that way and its very relatable loneliness is debilitating and painful. I don't think your damaged or dangerous just a little lost right now. I'm glad your opening up and talking to us. It helps well it helps me anyway. But you really need to take a nap buddy just a little one and I'm sure you'll wake up feeling better. Pm me if you need a friend, we all need friends after all. Stay good friend.
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“When everything seem to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ....”
― Henry Ford

lamictal 200mg, synthroid 75 mcg, Testosterone injections thanks to lithium causing thyroid problems
  #15  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 06:04 PM
Anonymous32912
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Originally Posted by Clinte89 View Post
James I feel ya my friend, I agree illness makes you lonely I'm not fit to be around another person, do you feel that way? I just wonder because it sounds that way and its very relatable loneliness is debilitating and painful. I don't think your damaged or dangerous just a little lost right now. I'm glad your opening up and talking to us. It helps well it helps me anyway. But you really need to take a nap buddy just a little one and I'm sure you'll wake up feeling better. Pm me if you need a friend, we all need friends after all. Stay good friend.
you are a cool guy Clinte

the way you said..."take a nap"

you could tell a tyranosaurus that....and he would lie down ....ask for a pillow
  #16  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 07:21 PM
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BlueInanna BlueInanna is offline
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You're being real and honest. It's good, it really is, cuz you gotta get that stuff out and off your chest. We're humans (well we're in human bodies) and humans need other humans. Like a pack of wolves, we're meant to be in groups and communities, families. And one good thing about this internet thing is this family community we have here. The world is so big and I'm on one side and your on the other, I would love to give you a big hug. I would also make you eat! Human body and brain, like Anika said, needs sleep. They say it's one of the main keys in getting to and keeping balance for a bipolar, getting regular sleep. And alcohol won't do it honey I'm sorry. But the alcohol breaks down in your body into all these sugars that actually make it hard to sleep. You need sleep and foods, and if no one is there to cuddle you like I would, fix up your pillows and blankets so that they surround, hold and nurture your big ole monkey body.
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Anonymous32912
Thanks for this!
treehugger727
  #17  
Old Oct 05, 2012, 08:59 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is offline
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Just sleep monkey friend. You will dream and dream and get all these things in your head out.
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Ingrezza 80 mg
Propranolol 40 mg
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Vraylar 4.5 mg

Gabapentin 600 mg
Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily
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