[OutlawedSpirit]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Thoughts are going so fast I can't seem to hold onto one long enough to make sense of it.

Meds keep getting changed and I seem to just keep spiraling upward.

Euphoria is being replaced by irritation.

I can't sit still, but I can't focus enough to actually do anything.

I can't figure out if I'm still hallucinating or if it is all in my head. Shadows of hallucinations I once had...

Can't find a point in the meds, they seem to be making things worse, not better.

I feel like I'm losing touch. I look but I don't see. I touch but I'm not sure I really feel. I think but I'm not sure I understand.

I'm not spiraling down, which I'm grateful for, but I'm spiraling up.

Seroquel definitely makes me sleep, at least 8 hours, usually more, so I can't even count on crashing because of exhaustion. My upward spiral is fueled from all angles.

I'm not sure I can see the ground. How am I supposed to land?

sometimes you just have to feel the ground under your feet, when you land

[OutlawedSpirit]

I've been trying to channel my energy into useful things like my T said, but I don't know if it's helping or hurting. I take the dogs for four and five mile walks (which just bothers my hips from an old injury I got falling off a horse) and I went and bought an ax instead of a chainsaw to cut down some logs we have for our fire pit. Every muscle in my body screams in protest but I still can't stop. I still just keep going until things get so numb that I don't feel the pain. Maybe it's a bit of runner's high I am getting but I just can't stop. On the up side I have more fire wood now

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

I've been trying to channel my energy into useful things like my T said, but I don't know if it's helping or hurting. I take the dogs for four and five mile walks (which just bothers my hips from an old injury I got falling off a horse) and I went and bought an ax instead of a chainsaw to cut down some logs we have for our fire pit. Every muscle in my body screams in protest but I still can't stop. I still just keep going until things get so numb that I don't feel the pain. Maybe it's a bit of runner's high I am getting but I just can't stop. On the up side I have more fire wood now

I think you are doing the right thing - keeping busy & exercising. Maybe you could also write in a journal this weekend. Hang in there

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[treehugger727]

Well I am sorry you are feeling like this. Head off to a nice state park or something and soak in the colors and beauty of Autumn. I find that I have an easier time calming and centering when out doors. I am thinking about taking my boy hiking today at S. Rock..only a high of 51 but we have gloves and wool socks. The old Midwest is pretty today. Maybe try a trail walk without the pups so you can move at whatever pace you need to. Do something just for you. Hope you feel the ground beneath your feet today, Spirit. Hugs

[OutlawedSpirit]

Usually when I take the puppy's for a walk it is through our local parks. I really do love autumn. It is my favorite season. One thing I can say that I would advise to anyone that has the means, the ax thing is a great reliever of both excess energy and stress. There isn't much more cathartic than to swing the ax and "kill' the chunk of wood when your already irritated at something.

[Clinte89]

Sometimes you just have to go for a ride and lose yourself for a while. I know that's not good advice but hey it's something ight? I hope your doing ok as feeling irritated can be irritating. Sty safe on your spiral upward.

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Sometimes you just have to go for a ride and lose yourself for a while. I know that's not good advice but hey it's something ight? I hope your doing ok as feeling irritated can be irritating. Sty safe on your spiral upward.

Yes feeling irritated is irritating. What I find really irritating when I'm irritated is that once a fight starts, I want to keep it going. I get to a point where I don't know why I'm arguing other than it feels good. My pdoc told me to just walk away and it will be okay, but that's like telling a crack head to just say no and walk away. It doesn't work once the dopamine is already flowing, when the addiction is already there.

[Clinte89]

Yeah it's defiantly hard to walk away when your in fight mode. I'm sorry your feeling irritated and rough I hope it passes soon for you.

[treehugger727]

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

Usually when I take the puppy's for a walk it is through our local parks. I really do love autumn. It is my favorite season. One thing I can say that I would advise to anyone that has the means, the ax thing is a great reliever of both excess energy and stress. There isn't much more cathartic than to swing the ax and "kill' the chunk of wood when your already irritated at something.

Do they make axes in different weights?

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by treehugger727

Do they make axes in different weights?

Yeah, I have a 4 1/2 pound one, they make them as small as 3 1/2 from what I've seen up to 8 pounds.

I have found my chainsaw can be quite theraputic! lol

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I have found my chainsaw can be quite theraputic! lol

Yeah, but axes make the fun last longer, not to mention they are quite a bit cheaper.

Plus I might get too carried away with a chainsaw once the logs that need to be broken down are done...there are quite a few trees that think they can stand up in my yard still....

lol! ok.. I'll agree to an axe if I can have super loud music to go along with it!

[OutlawedSpirit]

That's the great part of having my ipod. I can take my music with me and have it as loud as I want, without the neighbors calling the cops. LOL

Yes! Loud music is a must sometimes!

[OutlawedSpirit]

I really find it helps when I'm having auditory hallucinations. It doesn't make them go away, but it makes them easier to ignore.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Thoughts are going so fast I can't seem to hold onto one long enough to make sense of it.

Meds keep getting changed and I seem to just keep spiraling upward.

Euphoria is being replaced by irritation.

I can't sit still, but I can't focus enough to actually do anything.

I can't figure out if I'm still hallucinating or if it is all in my head. Shadows of hallucinations I once had...

Can't find a point in the meds, they seem to be making things worse, not better.

I feel like I'm losing touch. I look but I don't see. I touch but I'm not sure I really feel. I think but I'm not sure I understand.

I'm not spiraling down, which I'm grateful for, but I'm spiraling up.

Seroquel definitely makes me sleep, at least 8 hours, usually more, so I can't even count on crashing because of exhaustion. My upward spiral is fueled from all angles.

I'm not sure I can see the ground. How am I supposed to land?

What you are describing sounds a lot like what I go through regularly. I hope you feel better soon.

It's good you are trying to be productive. For me, I get to the point I can't focus at all and only do part of one task and then part of 20 more...

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

What you are describing sounds a lot like what I go through regularly. I hope you feel better soon.

It's good you are trying to be productive. For me, I get to the point I can't focus at all and only do part of one task and then part of 20 more...

I am the same way. I'll flutter between 20 different things, and sometimes I get them done, sometimes I don't. I have found lately I can't even focus enough to read a book for more than a couple paragraphs which is really odd for me. I used to be able to sit and read for hours on end.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

I am the same way. I'll flutter between 20 different things, and sometimes I get them done, sometimes I don't. I have found lately I can't even focus enough to read a book for more than a couple paragraphs which is really odd for me. I used to be able to sit and read for hours on end.

Yes, this is exactly what is happening to me!

I always had a book. I was a member of the prefered readers club at the bookstore when I was only 10 years old! (To save my mom money on books, LOL.) I mean, I loved reading. Now.... it can take me months to get through a book.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I might have to try the books again now, I went to the ER for my foot, and they told me to see a specialist in a week if it doesn't improve or gets worse, and until then, I'm up on crutches. Even though I want to be good and stay on them so it gets better, I'm really not sure how long they'll last.