I do it, too....

So, I realized that I do something just like a lot of others.

When I'm feeling aweful I work very hard to try to get help. I call the assistance program looking for a T. I try (and this time successfully) to get on meds (now on Lithium thanks to GP.) I call around to all the Ts on the list trying to find one that works with my schedule.

And then, my cycle shifts and I feel better. So I stop looking. I say, 'I can do this! I don't need help,' and power forward.

And then my cycle shifts and I am left alone again wondering WTF did I give up on trying to get help???

I read an article here on PC in the Bipolar FAQ area last week for family members that said that people with bipolar may need help in getting help because when they feel better they don't seek help. This is what i always thought when I was younger. That i needed help to get help. Now I know I need to help myself. But to see that in black and white on PC, and then the past few days observing myself feeling good, and now crashing backwards... I realize it is true! I was right! I do need help in getting help... but I have no help in that... so I have to rely on me who is very unreliable....

At least I was successful in getting lithium this time.

I hear you. I recognize this more now that I am older (well, Im not that old; Im "just" nearly forty.) But even though I know I have this tendency and it isn't good for me to ignore help/meds/etc when I feel good, I still find myself having a tendency to let myself think that this is the time where I finally have my act together and Im not going to need those things any more. Then there's the inevitable reminder how wrong I am about that.

Im glad you were able to get your lithium. I think you should give yourself credit for getting help when you needed it. You did good. {{hugs}}

Thanks for posting this thread. I think most all of us have felt this once, and it's good to be reminded that we need to remain cognizant of the fact.

I'm sorry you don't have a person to hold you accountable, but maybe you're avoiding a crutch that way. I would buy the tupperware pill holders and fill up your pills for the week every Sunday, and post reminders in your phone/PC/datebook.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

Yeah I got that little pill box and everythign last time. That this isn't my friend. Haha... I forget my pills are in it and take them out of the bottle (until I forget entirely to take them... blah!) Not this time! I have to remember to take my meds. So far so good. Six days and no forgotten pills.

I just don't understand why we do this? Is it because of the stigma and our society telling us we should just be able to do it ourselves? That we just want to be okay? Or is it actually part of the illness itself? You know there's a name for it... if my brain will work for 10 more seconds.... Lack of insight. Anosognosia.... yeah, that's it... It's like the ultimate form of denial, but a symptom no one really talks about as an actual symptom.

Or maybe it's all those things.

I'm going through this right now. It would make sense that if I recognize it, I should tell myself to get back on-track but when this happens, I experience an anger or almost like a resentment I guess. Like I don't want to be a guinea pig with these meds and why should I conform. Stuff like that. I also doubt my diagnosis. Maybe it's situational. I dunno. I'm confused.

Some do. proponents of forced treatment. And don't think even if we accept this term... it's NOT your case. You are aware.

I don't think this is IT though. How many of us post-pone going to dentist the minute their achey tooth stops hurting? Many postpone regular doc appoitments.
Because well, we don't like it. Just like we postpone paying bills and cleaning and writting our term papers.

SO it could be "stuff we hate to do" thing.

Yeah, this is true.

Life is too full of boxes that no one wants to be put into...

I meant NOT.

Because you do display awareness, your problem is rather not wanting to deal with the treatment and all the shiite, imho. Not ana-whatever.

DH, you are probably a very responsible person and the needs of your H, boys, work, the house, etc. are high, and whenever you are functional enough to be able to meet them, that is what you do, while personal health is being neglected. It is hard to make personal health a priority, be it mental or dental health. With that, I am now going to make an appointment that I have long postponed, for a skin check. My dermatologist is a lovely lovely lady and there is nothing unpleasant about the skin test - it is just hard to find the time especially when the potential damage is only probabilistic. But I should summon some self-discipline and do it.

There are two distinct phenomena here. In the case of a bill or a term paper due, we have pure procrastination. The person who procrastinates knows for certain that the bills need to be paid and the term paper needs to be written, but still postpones doing what needs to be done. A procrastinator knows full well that the bills will not take care of themselves and that it is not possible to get a passing grade without turning in the paper. In OP and in your toothache example, the person hopes that there would not be a need for care - the bp symptoms won't return and the toothache won't return either. It is a mental inflation of the probability of a positive outcome.

you really ARE nitpicky, aren't you?

i may not be hypercorrect in my metaphores, but no need to go around a correct me all the time.

I do not think that I was being nitpicky. It was constructive criticism and I am disappointed that you do not seem to appreciate it. Once you enter in a discourse, you should be prepared for feedback, and, in general, should use metaphors with care. If there was no basis for a critique, that would have been a different story, but there was a basis - you conflated two different phenomena. Don't you see it? It is not a minor difference - postponing dealing with the inevitable and secretly hoping to never have to deal with an unpleasant topic are different enough for you to grasp the distinction.

Don't be mad

Because I think it's bit of BOTH. Not wanting to deal with things you know you have to deal with... and secretly hoping you won't have to deal with them. So... no I don't see it.

And really, I get enough of criticism in other areas of life, and here I don't need people to nitpick on every word I use... especially if it's matter of mere opinion. I don't recall requesting constructive criticism of every damn thing I say.

I am not mad at you, Dark.

Thanks for posting this. Too am guilty of suddenly pushing all help away once I am feeling ok. It's fine while I really am ok, but when a crisis suddenly arrives, I don't have my support team around any more and this is really looking for trouble

I do this, but I see it differently I guess. When I am doing well I don't want't o be in a sick environment, with dr's, appointments, makes me feel sick. So I distance myself from it when I am doing ok. But it's because I noticed that the more involved I am with things to do with being sick or unwell, the sicker I become.

Maybe I am eaisily influenced by environment. Also yes when we are well, we don't feel like we need help. I think that a natural course after esablishing wellness tho is to need less involment over time.

Suga, if you can have an arrangement with a t or your support system that are in agreement that when you are in trouble you can call them for help, but when you are well you don't call or come in might help you.

I have that arangement with a T and it's worked for 6 years. I never call her or see her anymore unless I am in a bad spot, and she remains more than happy to help when I need it. But she understands my need for distance from the appoinments with bipolar stuff when I am doing well. Might be an option when you have gotten through the stuff you got your new t to help you with. That way you know there is still support no matter what.

I'm much like you Anika a sickly environment takes a much larger toll on my overall wellbeing. It has done alot for my mental health to move away from the 'ill' mindset and not have dr's appointments every other week. Like suga, I dont have a crisis plan in check tho (not a medical one anyway) but maybe in future, when I actually have health insurance, I'll see if I can get a standby T like yours... DHX Idk if its an actual symptom, it may be human nature, fueled by bp 'confidence'

This was random... Someone left it at the printer:

Suffer the pain of DISCIPLINE or suffer the pain of REGRET.

You do not need to explicitly request it. It is implied: when you post, you open yourself up for criticism. Constructive criticism makes us better posters. Anneinside criticized me the other day for assuming that depression is more widespread in the industrialized world, and I stood corrected: I do not have data, I was acting on a mere assumption that the added stress created by industrialization boosts depression statistics; I was forgetting that in underdeveloped countries depression is underdx'd which does not mean non-existent, and I was demoting the stress of food scarcity, water scarcity, armed conflict etc. - the real stress of underdeveloped nations. That is what Anne made me see. So now I will think better before I post, I will care more about data, and try to make my arguments watertight.

Okay, then I rather stay bad poster. If uberrational and analytic works for you, great. I am a philosopher, somewhat out there... and I don't need to be corrected in my OPINIONS. My OPINIONS and PERCEPTIONS are mine and I don't need to be bettered to your standards.

I did not post data here. Just my perception. And perception is matter of... perception. Imagine I went to your threads and your posts and critized how dry and boring you are contantly. And claimed it's for your own good.

I don't want to be criticized for my opinions on a support forum, not really. I honed them myself with care, and no opinion is water tight, nor is fact. That's why facts change, data is subjective. Disagree with me, well yes that's not a problem, it's expected sometimes.

The boards have been a bit tense lately, but ehmm I am not asking to be criticized when I post, just making a note of that here.

I use cliches with little care all the time. I don't think it matters too much. I make up metaphors, I am sure they make sense to me most of the time, and possibly a few other people some of the time. No big deal..

I also use lots of commas, like this, and then here, and I use ....... when I used up all my comma quota,... no biggie.

I guess we are simmilar in our style. More expressive rather then set on form and proper usage of language.

And slightly post-modernist. I love post-modernism, as it's the only philosophy/theory that cannot be refuted And you probably have to have certain mindset to get it.

So between post-modernism and modernism... it's pretty much clash of civilizations, it seems.

I think it is a clash sometimes, yup! Expressive.. yes. It's different styles of communication and thought process for sure. I think the post-modernism and moderism is a good example. I usually type how I feel with awful grammar and bad spelling. That doesn't matter as much to me as getting me feelings across.

Plus this interesting tid-bit. Did you know that if you just use more commas, that you have to press the shift key less, so you don't have to make so many capital letters, it actually saves time, and awkward bending of the wrist, which is bad for carpal tunnel... pfff it's a health thing.

Yeah, I type pretty quickly. (but I try to make paragraphs and use bit of interpuction... since Kerouac, I am not, and I might to be able to pull off wall-o-text)

I think it just has to do with how condesending you sound in a post when you refute something. Its easy to be that way when you disagree. I know this is one of my biggest problems in communicating.