Looking for answers

I think I already know the answer, but I think my wife has bipolar or other mental condition. For years I have been ignoring the warning signs that something is wrong and rationalized that it was just stress or pms. The latest manic episode has reached a breaking point.

In the past she has been treated for depression but said the doctors were a waste of money and the meds made her gain weight and more depressed. She never was overweight but has low self esteem and always puts herself down.

Over the years she has alienated most of her friends and family. She always has a reason to not want to talk to them to the point of not even attending her best friends wedding.

On a few occasions she has acted violently out of control, breaking things around the house over what I would consider an inconsequential argument. This is rare though.

Lately she has been talking about wanting to leave me and says that I'm the cause of her depression. The next day she will then be fine and say that she just felt angry and wanted attention. This cycle has repeated about once a month for several months now.

I'm very happy with my life. Have a good job, nice house and no other real worries. I do realize I have been in denial that there is a problem.

The littlest things will set off her anger and yelling. Up until recently I would just ignore it and get away from her until she calmed down. We are taking little things like leaving a pair of socks on the bathroom floor or not complimenting her after getting ready to go out to dinner.

She also says that some nights she if unable to sleep at all. If she has to do anything stressful the next day she will lie in bed all night thinking about it. She works 20 hours a week and truely dreads it. She has admitted to crying on multiple occasions at work.

Sometimes things are great for months at a time and I forget how bad it can be. I have recently confronted her about seeing another doctor, but she is being resistant. What should I do? We have two kids, 3 and 5 and she is a great mother to them.

One thing you could try, that I have heard works for some people, is to misdirect her a little bit. Although I wouldn't advise having a general practitioner or a family doctor as her main source of treatment if a psychiatrist or psychologist is an option, a general practitioner can be a good place to start. Instead of telling her she needs to see a doctor for a mental illness, you could suggest going into see the family doctor to see if maybe she has a thyroid or a hormonal imbalance that is causing her moodiness. She said to you before after an outburst she was just feeling angry, and paired with the crying at work, you could say you think she may have a thyroid problem or something similar. Then go with her to the doctor and you can express your concerns as well, because it very well could be a type of thyroid problem, and wouldn't hurt to get that checked as well. I wouldn't just come out and tell the doctor you think she has bp, but you could describe what her moodiness and stuff looks like from your perspective. At least then you get your foot in the door, and more importantly, you get her foot in the door.

I think the ideas above are good. You also might consider couples therapy. That would allow you to both work on your relationship and to bring up your concerns up in front of a professional.

Best,
EJ