[tnlibrarian]

He has been looking at online support groups for spouses of bipolar people. He has started doubting my diagnosis of bipolar 1 because I have never gone into a rage where I threw and broke stuff, physically attacked him, abused him or the kids physically and haven't done stuff like just take off and leave for days. Before I was diagnosed I would suddenly fly off the handle and scream at the girls until they were crying, terrified and asking me to stop. I consider that to be verbal abuse. I was constantly accusing my husband of cheating or getting pissed off and flying off the handle over something small. He would leave a glass on the desk and I woiuld think about divorcing him because he was cheating SOB who didn't care about me.

He contends because I haven't flown into a major rage, broken stuff, physcially attacked him, etc. I'm not bipolar 1. He admits that there are many symptoms that fit--such as hallucinations, becoming delusional, staying up for three or four days at time with only a few hours of sleep, crashing from that and going into deep depressions where I become suicidal, what is very clearly rapid cycling and mixed states. I feel medication is what has given me what control I have and has prevented the kind of rages he's talking about.

How many of you who are bipolar 1 have gone into the kind of rages he's talking about? Are there any of you who haven't?

[hamster-bamster]

I have never had such rages and have never physically attacked anyone. Your husband is taking a narrow and optional set of symptoms as if it were necessary for BPI dx. It is not. I would suggest he start by reading the DSM closely and carefully.

[tnlibrarian]

I found several sites that made it clear such rages do not always occur. I think after reading bipolar is progressive, people usually need more meds, not less, and seeing the suicide rate he wants it to be something else. I know it's because he loves me but we need to deal with what is actually wrong rather than what he wishes it was.

[hamster-bamster]

There is nothing like facing the reality for what it is.

[thickntired]

I also have never physically attacked my husband or had that much rage. I have accused him of doing bad things that were false bacause I was psychotic. Like cheating & having me followed, but I'd say I'm more irritated than livid when manic.

TnT

[hamster-bamster]

Suspecting that someone is cheating when he is clearly not is like a psychotic delusion in and of itself. Antipsychotics help with that kind of stuff.

[tnlibrarian]

The only time I do that now is when I'm so manic I'm delusional. When I did that was before I was put on an anti psychotic. Seroquel made a huge difference in how I acted and now when I begin worrying or suspecting something like that we immediately know it's time for a visit to the psych or at least a call. I started having really vivid hallucinations on and off--nothing consistent--and then realized a few days ago I was understanding the voices. They were clear. I kept hearing a little boy calling for his mama and saying he wanted his mama. That was followed by a little girl telling him his mama wasn't there. It was like a broken record. I was afraid to look over my shoulder because the last hallucination was a headless black woman. I was afraid I'd see something horrible and freak out with the kids in the house. My doctor switched me to Geodon and now I'm constantly thinking people are talking about me behind my back or planning to hurt me emotionally in some way. That's what made his concerns and fears come out. He doesn't understand why Geodon isn't helping more, why I need to double the dosage and why when I enter the intensive outpatient program Monday the psych I see there may take me as high as 160 mg or add meds on to my cocktail. He said he doesn't want to accept that I'm hurting like that. It really made me sad and wish I wasn't bipolar because I could see it upsets and hurts him.

[hamster-bamster]

The FDA approved max dose of Geodon is indeed 160 mg but people do take larger doses safely.

[tnlibrarian]

She told me she honestly doesn't know what they will decide to do. She warned me that they may decide to make major changes and, if they do, they will most likely admit me to the hospital to keep an eye on me 24/7 in case I do become psychotic to the point of attacking people, delusional to the point of being totally out of touch with reality or suicidal. I'm actually okay with that because that's not stuff I would want to happen in front of my kids, husband and mother in law. I'm already having suicidal thoughts on and off so I may end up there anyway. Bipolar sucks.

[hamster-bamster]

I am old school so I start with Wikipedia when I want to learn something. This is what wiki has to say about mania:

Mania is the signature characteristic of bipolar disorder. Mania is generally characterized by a distinct period of an elevated mood, which can take the form of euphoria. People commonly experience an increase in energy and a decreased need for sleep, with many often getting as little as three or four hours of sleep per night, while others can go days without sleeping.[4] A person may exhibit pressured speech, with thoughts experienced as racing.[5] Attention span is low, and a person in a manic state may be easily distracted. Judgment may become impaired, and sufferers may go on spending sprees or engage in behavior that is quite abnormal for them. They may indulge in substance abuse, particularly alcohol or other depressants, cocaine or other stimulants, or sleeping pills. Their behavior may become aggressive, intolerant, or intrusive. People may feel out of control or unstoppable, or as if they have been "chosen" and are "on a special mission" or have other grandiose or delusional ideas. Sexual drive may increase. At more extreme phases of bipolar I, a person in a manic state can begin to experience psychosis, or a break with reality, where thinking is affected along with mood.[6] Some people in a manic state experience severe anxiety and are very irritable (to the point of rage), while others are euphoric and grandiose.
To be diagnosed with mania according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a person must experience this state of elevated or irritable mood, as well as other symptoms, for at least one week, less if hospitalization is required.[7]
Severity of manic symptoms can be measured by rating scales such as self-reported Altman Self-Rating Mania Scale[8] and clinician-based Young Mania Rating Scale.[9][10]
Sleep disturbance is the most common prodromal symptom; mood, psychomotor and appetite change, and anxiety can also occur up to three weeks before a manic episode develops.[11]

[tnlibrarian]

I was suicidal but full blown manic when I was admitted to the hospital. I could not sit still, couldn't stop talking but made no sense much of the time, couldn't concentrate on one thing long enough to even tell my psych who the president was, was convinced my husband wanted me to leave and hated me and had been going into rages where I wasn't physical but was screaming at my girls to the point of absolutely terrifying them. My youngest would go hide and my oldest would tell me to stop being a bad mommy. It breaks my heart and makes me physically ill when I think about that. It took Thorazine to bring me down. They gave me such a strong dosage I remember nothing whatsoever about that day. The other women on the floor said I just sat on the sofa and stared off into space. They couldn't get me a to talk and one of the nurses had to help me to my room. I didn't realize until the point just how sick I was.

[hamster-bamster]

That sounds like textbook mania - I hope your husband will see it that way, too.

[tnlibrarian]

He does but he doesn't want to accept it. I think a lot of this is because we both know there is a very good chance I'm going to be admitted to the psych hospital. I'm reminding him it's pretty much voluntary, we know what to expect and it's not the same circumstances as before. The point of it this time will be to keep me safe and make sure I'm okay. He understands but it still worries him, as it would me. Like I said--I know it's because he loves me and I'm grateful he does love me so much. I just wish I didn't have a disorder that makes him so sad, upset and worried.

[BipolaRNurse]

I've had the rage problem all my life, long before I was ever diagnosed with BP. I've slammed TV dinners up against the wall, thrown things across the room, even punched a refrigerator. I'd scream at my husband and/or kids until it felt like my eyes would pop out of my head. I've peeled out of the driveway with tires squealing and turned corners on two wheels.

I've never attacked people physically, though. Well, there was that one kid in the fifth grade who kept punching me and giving me a dead arm every day at school, until one day when I finally hauled off and let him have it. Knocked his lights out, too. Guess what, he never messed with me again. But that's the only time I've ever actually hit somebody, although I've certainly considered it, and once was ready to brain a guy with my garden shovel for threatening to beat up my hubby.

I really scared that dude, he was all "Lady, don't use that thing, my beef is with HIM, not you!!" At the time, I was 20-something years old, two months pregnant and hormonal as hell (didn't have a clue about the bipolar then), and he decided that did NOT wanna mess with a crazy woman, no matter how pissed he was at her dearly beloved. That was a good decision on his part; I don't honestly know what I'd have done if he hadn't backed off.....I think I was psychotic then and just didn't give a crap about the possible consequences of assaulting someone with a weapon, even if it was only a shovel.

[Lauru]

I have NEVER flew into a rage like that and I have NEVER hurt someone. That is so not a requirement of bipolar. All the other symptoms he mentions you have had like the delusions and can't sleep...those are bipolar. I am not sure where he got his information, maybe from inaccurate news reports? the media? depictions in TV?

[MommaR]

Mania manifests different in different ppl. In fact I have several different types. I do have fits of rage but I have times when I do just generally do irrational things and sometimes I am talkin and cant shut up then there are the times that I can single handedly conquer the world

[faerie_moon_x]

The thing your husband needs to understand is that everyone experiences bipolar differently. I'm sure he's going to run into a lot of forum people who are angry because they were with a person who had bipolar who was cheating on them, abusing them, etc. And these people may be very vocal and angry and hurt, needing healing themselves, and also to believe all with bipolar are exactly the same way.

This is not true.

I have rage now, but for many, many, many years I didn't. My rage now I think is more of a response to other issues, and not the bipolar itself. Before this year, I never used to explode at my husband. But in the past six months I do. I think I hit a breaking point. I don't throw or break things, more just yelling at him constantly and not able to stop. I have always had rage toward myself, though, and have SI issues. I also don't have the 'disappear for days' reaction, either.

Other things I don't have as symptoms:
My risk taking doesn't involve promiscuity, gambling, or spending excess money. Instead, my risk taking is suddenly dropping out of school, quitting jobs, giving up on things I enjoy (for example I used to be theater, and I'd try out for a play, get a role, and then decline...)

I don't self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. In fact I was only drunk for the very first time this year.

[Moodmuse]

Before I was diagnosed I would freak out on my ex. One time I had a pot of cooked broccoli, got mad and started beating the pot against the counter and walls. Needless to say I got broccoli EVERYWHERE. Then I got even more pissed because I had to clean it up so at that point all I could do was fall to the floor and cry..
Now that I've been dxed for a while I've learned to control it.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

Tnlibrarian, in my view, you're going to have to try to stop worrying about your husband's refusal to accept your illness. You know clearly what you have and you're doing everything possible to get it under control. That's really all you can afford to have on your mind: the recovery.

If hospitalization is called for, please go in and let the doctors stabilize your brain
chemistry for you. Then, take another look at your medications with your psychiatrist and come to some decisions about what is recommended for you to do.

Please consider that your husband just doesn't know enough to be helpful to you at this point. Your best chances for remission are going to be with your psychiatrist.

This illness doesn't have to get worse over the years. Mine has improved to the extent that I take only 10 mg. Prozac and 7.5 mg. Deplin (concentrated folate) per day. Big changes in my diet for months before helped me overcome the major problems with this illness. (It probably does get worse for people who do not seek help for stabilizing the chemical imbalance and do not make an effort to alter a faulty diet.)

It's the anger at your husband's unwillingness to face your reality that is part of the core problem for you. Just avoid discussing it with him until you are stable. If he insists on trying to change your thinking, ask him to see a psychiatrist. This isn't the time for him to try to persuade you to do anything except get the help you need medically.

I think sometimes that some folks live in a dream world. You don't and I'm glad you're able to get angry about his behavior.

He wants to lead you, but you need to lead yourself now and then take care of yourself so that you can manage your home and family.

I'll add you to my list of prayers tonight.

Take care.

[~Christina]

I don't lash out at others around me. I turn it all inward and will harm myself. Right now you need to find your way to feeling stable. Whether it be inpatient or outpatient. Just focus on you

[OutlawedSpirit]

I get fits when I'm manic that I get so physically agitated that I want to throw or hit things, but I don't. I usually just scream a lot. When I'm manic I'll get into yelling matches with my girlfriend that can go for hours. Which is really kind of unfair to say because she doesn't yell at all. She just sits and ignores me while I yell. I'm paranoid all the time that she'll leave me, whether it's because I think she is cheating, or just wants someone who doesn't fly off the handle. Luckily she has never questioned my diagnosis, and has supported any treatment I want, but I still always wait for her to hit the point where it is too much and leaves. She tells me it's irrational for me to think like that, but I do anyway.