help me make up a story that does not portray me as completely completely crazy

I don't feel there is a "perfect work environment" anywhere ! Every workplace has problems and everyone is different.

I had "my dream job" once .... My coworker there... exact same position as me swore it was her worst job ever !

I am no longer convinced there is any decent companies out there to work for.

Of course this is just my opinion

Polyamory is wonderful, but in this case I just do not ask questions. In the past, he once briefly told me that he had a gf in Paris and that she was "clingy". OK, that was it. I did not interrogate him. Likewise, whatever information he will volunteer now would be all I will learn about his private life - I won't interrogate him. I do not feel that I have any "need to know".

What he did arranging for this visit to Stanford is basically impossible to do - these academic lectures are usually arranged months in advance, and he arranged his in just a couple of weeks. And he keeps writing to me that he is thinking of me all the time and stuff. So he is smitten, as Moose said. This is plenty for me, and I do not need him to be exlusive - I am satisfied with what I have.

there is no "perfect". Nor there is job that "everyone would love". Imagine that there are people whom TNCs and white collar jobs give nausea and hives. Literally.

It's not that it's "bad", but it's just it's not for you.

Thanks. Well, my friends, I am going to entertain you... I have something funny to tell. And ask for advice from people in the know. But not right now - I am going out with G., the new guy.

And... I am going to relax about the whole thing.

Yayay relaxing is good

And I will probably tell him about bp... because he just told me about a very personal medical problem... so... I will reciprocate his openness.

Confused, I sincerely wish my life were as simple and straightforward as that of your polyamorous friend. But, truth be told, it is not. It is asymmetrical: G knows about D but D does not know about G (I mean, he knows that G exists but that is the extent of it - he has no idea about ...). I am protecting him from this knowledge because I know that he would be hurt, and I do not want to be cruel towards him. People vary in how they treat such things.

I keep rereading it... a great post! Thank you, I will look at it this way. I Regarding going back - if I am able to find a permanent position, then great, if not, I will try to go to Santa Clara Law school. I cannot go back to Stanford because I am no longer able to get great grades on LSAT, for whatever reason, but I can do well enough for Santa Clara which is good enough. So that is my back-up plan.

Charles sent a chat over Skype saying that he is counting the days. G was excited yesterday. I must say... I looked up the timestamp of my post about ex' blaming me for his mother's death - Oct 29th. That is less than a month ago. In less than a month, I have swapped two people (ex and D) who harassed me non-stop for two people (Charles and G) who are ever so excited about me. Isn't that a good thing? I mean, this is not a complete swap - I will still visit D, but, you get the idea.

ok...this aint gonna be hard!!

"hello...I am a beautiful woman...I struggle with things as most do and perhaps even you!....

I am very sensual even delicate yet do not take me for granted I am too special for that and it will not be the most attractive side of me but you must know it's there!

I need you to love me

....only after this will I love you back and....

for me this makes sense as the woman I am it's real to me....and...

this done what a man I will make you feel!"

had a go hammy...

beautiful, monkeyman, you have solved my problem once and for all

....go with that hammy or something like it...real close..

it's real it's true it's cute...

So, my friends.... what poor Charles basically told me, without using these words is... he has erectile dysfunction (ED). He did NOT use these words, but he talked about not wanting to disappoint me, he mentioned diabetes, which, I know, is notorious for giving people this complication, and said that after all it does not matter "whether he can or can't", he just wants to see me and reconnect. I think in plain English it means ED, no? Why else would he mention diabetes?

At first, I was shocked. Don't we live in an age of Viagra/Levitra/Cialis? Isn't it what half of all spam mail is about? Why would he even tell me if he can just take a pill and function, I wondered.

Then, I made a search and discovered that not everybody is helped by oral pills. I also read that in addition to taking pills, diabetic males require "stimulation". That did disappoint me, to be honest with you! I NEVER had to as much as touch him down there for a second - my mere presence was stimulating enough and he could pull off two sex acts in a row. But, I guess, I can be a good pal and provide "stimulation"... sad, sad, sad.

So I wanted to be nice and reassuring and wrote to him "do not worry about anything, just come over", and he responded that he is not worried, he is coming over, and followed up next day with "I am counting days and thinking of you all the time". So he is very excited, but I guess if you a poor diabetic, excitement is insufficient.

So I am looking for advice from people who use Viagra/Levitra/Cialis.

I guess it is the price that I pay for having older lovers. Oh well.

If you are reading this and are a male taking Zyprexa, get off it, instantly! Zyprexa can make you diabetic, and diabetes can make you impotent, and you do not want that.

I think with this turn of events my story and whether I am mentally ill becomes immaterial. Actually, bipolar is often compared to diabetes in that it can be managed but not cured.

Looking for advice!

Venus, I could have used your advice if I had worked for an art gallery. Since I work for an almost identical, just less successful, company, I cannot claim that I did not like the atmosphere in company A. Very little differentiates company B from company A. Plus, more people prefer A. But I guess I can always say that I did not like the politics - that would always fly.

Okay Hamster, in hopes that my husband doesn't subscribe to this forum (doubtful), I will share my experiences with erectile disfunction. My husband occasionally had problems, so he got the little blue pill, as we call it. He can still perform without, but I actually prefer intimacy with the pill. It is an intensity issue with me, and while I could go into more, I won't.
If your friend has a prescription for ED, then you should have no worries. The physical part may even be better than you remember.
Bluemountains

Hamster I can understand your disappointment . There are many reason for a man to have problems with performance, same as women have sexual performance problems also, you yourself had side effects from medications.

Personally I think whether you have MI or he has ED It really doesn't much matter. Being able to see an old friend or lover and enjoying each others company no matter in what manner would be lovely.

Enjoy~

Do you think he will feel better if I tell him that I am bipolar, on medications, and could not climax for three and a half years? As in "I can understand you well"?

I am leaning towards telling him because then I do not have to arrange for bathroom visits to take me meds at dinnertime. That would be a convenience. Among other things. Plus, closeness. Plus, I can hedge a bit, preparing him for the fact that I am a bit bigger, although I agree with Blue in thinking that unlike D. he will NOT judge me based on appearance (or anything else). But I can say that as a result of all these psych drug trials I am overweight. Sort of killing several birds at once. Perhaps that would be overdoing it.

If it were me ....I would not be worried about discussing BP or his possible ED ... Why not take the stress off and just have a conversation, just talk with no conversation check list to adhere to. You and him have known each other for a long time, I am certain you guys could "catch up" for days.

I have gotten in touch with a lot of people from my past, I have plenty of things to talk about, catching up to do .. I am not ashamed of my bipolar but I feel no need to tell everyone about it. I seldom even talk about having cancer and being in remission.

As far as taking your meds if it makes YOU feel better to go to the bathroom to take meds then by all means do so. I have taken my meds in front of all sorts of people and situations and never feel the need to explain what they are for or why I need them. People all over the world are taking meds for something or another and do it in public.

My advice is don't over think everything and just go and enjoy yourself.

Do you have Aspergers or autism? What is this need to cross every I and dot every t? I now understand why my friend's kid says she thinks too much. I am also guilty but curing fast.

I definitely do not have Aspergers or autism, Hankster. I am this person who smiles at everyone and whom everyone smiles at. Unless depressed, that is. So, OK, I will just take the meds matter-of-factly. That is one thing off my worry list.

Cats are wonderful - they cannot have ED and I never doubt myself taking my meds in front of them.

That was a bit OT.

Charles sent me a Skype chat from Florida saying that he is counting days. I asked how frequently he visits Florida. He said that he would tell me everything in detail when we meet. So yes, there will be conversation topics, as you said, Morethingswrong.

I would define myself as irrepressibly cheerful also with the same caveat. But that didn't help me with my truthiness. I think mine came from a fear of always having to explain myself or at least have an excuse ready. But I'm starting to see that's not real world. My t doesn't care. Real people don't care. They want to talk, not listen.

I hear you about having the excuse ready. As for the caveat - that is what a bit of Prozac is for. I have been quite satisfied with it.

Oh yeah me too. Prozac and topamax. I'm a new woman.

I have just started on Topamax and cannot yet tell whether it is doing anything. Plus, the dose is extremely small.