Another week, another trip to the P-doc...

I remember when I first started seeing my P-doc this past summer and she wanted to see me every three weeks. And then how happy I was when she let me see her every four weeks. And then she said let's try six or eight weeks. I remember thinking that was such a ridiculously short amount of time and why couldn't it be longer. That didn't last long.

Sigh. Now I wish I had my act together for six or eight weeks.

I'm falling apart pretty badly right now. I'm totally lacking when it comes to articulating myself. I envy some of you who seem to be able to express yourselves so well. But it's not good at the moment. My p-doc knows. She took one look at me this afternoon and said she needs to be seeing me weekly because she knows I'm trying to avoid being hospitalized. I told her I'd rather just see her in the middle of December, but she said no. I do know she is trying to help me stay at home where I can be with my family and take care of my kids. I just feel so incredibly defective to be going in more frequently instead less frequently as time goes by. Instead of making progress, I feel like I am going backwards. Forget two steps forward, one step back. I think I'm taking one step forward, two steps back... At least I have a good p-doc though. She really does care and listens to me. So that is something. I don't really dread going in to see her.

I've been crying so much lately because the anxiety and depression are so bad and we haven't figured out the right meds for me. But I did have one moment that made me smile while I was at her office today. Every time I go in I look around. She has a beautiful office that overlooks a forest and a lake. (The view is amazing. I could sit there and just stare out her wall of windows all day.) Anyway. She has a bookcase, a table, a chair, a couch, and end table...some nice furniture around the room. Every time I go in, it seems like there is always one very little accessory that has been moved or is missing. So today I finally asked her. "I can't stand it, I have to ask. Do you remove and add one little thing each time to see if your patients notice?" She got a confused look on her face and asked what in the world I meant. I gave her an example and she laughed really hard. Then she got up and scrambled to look for the things I said were missing today. She pulled out a little stuffed animal dog that she said is very special to her that she said went missing for months that she had just found. Evidently when small children come to visit her they move things around the room. She thought it was funny that I thought she might be testing patients to see if they noticed whether she moved things. (Great. I probably have a new little note in my chart that says something like "Patient paranoid that doctor is moving items in office to test her." ) Oh well. I thought it was funny. I needed a little laugh. Way too much crying and depressing thoughts of a very heavy kind. For just a minute curiosity got the best of me, and I finally got the answer to a question that I had been wondering about. Wonder what my visit next week will be like.

I'm kind of wondering what "normal" is for how often you guys in to see your p-doc. Once you get stable is it not very often? Or is something like two months the best I should ever hope for you think? I know we're all different. Maybe someone who knows how to do polls could put one up with how often they see their p-doc typically (when not in crisis). That would be interesting to me.

Hey PiperLeigh,

I am sorry you are struggling at the moment. Your P-Doc does sound like she cares which is always a good thing.

I guess I am still in the baby steps of treatment. Been seeing my psychiartrist every 6-8 weeks for the past 2 years. However he has since left and I last saw him in June. I saw a new Psychiatrist yesterday after 5 months of not seeing one. Hmmmm I am not impressed with him. I was was in a mere 10 minutes then he said see you in a few months. Gee thanks.

When I am in Crisis I get to see my CPN- Community Psychiatric Nurse more often than once a month.

In the spring, depressed, suicidal, and in crisis, I saw my former p-doc weekly. Now that I am stable I will see my new p-doc in two months.

I'd finally graduated to 3 month appointments, then backslid a bit in October....now I'm back to monthly. I was going every 2 weeks for a long time though, so it's still progress. I'm doing well enough now that I might be able to go back to every 3 months again, which would be great. I love my pdoc to death, but he's costing me a lot of money! LOL

Not stable-I talk with her every few days.

Stable-My appointments are set for every 12 weeks.

Because my insurance is no longer accepted by my pdoc's group, she is very conscientious of cost, so we talk on the phone a lot, and when she feels it is necessary, I make an appointment to see her.

I am sorry you can't get your meds straight and are so depressed, PiperLeigh. I was in the same place several weeks ago, and, like you I have a very caring pdoc. Fortunately with lots of feedback we got the right combination and dosages. Hopefully this will happen soon for you.

Bluemountains

Im sorry you're not feeling that well lately....((((hugs))))

I have been having weekly appts w/ my pdoc for a year and 2 months because i cant get stabilized for more than a week (at best). I would be sooo happy if he finnaly said 2 weeks out or more!

I hope you start to feel better soon and can space your appts out once you do

Knowing I refuse to call when needed I'm down to earliest appointment possible and weekly calls in between.

Piper I'm sorry your having such a rough time right now Remember to be kind to yourself Funny about your Pdocs office items. lol Glad you got a very need laugh

I use to see him every 4 weeks or more often while we were trying all kinds of med combos. Finally found a combo that seems "ok" for me, When my hallucinations get out of control I have a med I can use for a few days or so to knock them back down to a tolerable level. So now I see him every 4 months or so.. Id be happy doing 6 month appointments to be honest.

Dear Piper,

I really feel empathy for your situation, because I have been in that place.

I have been stable for three months now. This is the longest period of stability I have had in two years. So maybe the med cocktail is finally right? I really don't know.

There is a lot of up and down. The most disappointing is the sudden down that takes you really low out of the blue. No apparent triggers, no nothing. One step forward, five steps back. It happens.

I know it is discouraging and that there seems to be no end in sight, but I am here to say that I didn't believe it would happen for me, feeling better and like myself, but it did. So don't you give up, you will get better.

Try, if you can, to lower your responsibilities right now, it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Sending you hugs............