Its like something goes missing

I was diagnosed bipolar 2 years ago and for the most part have done a lot better with weekly therapy and meds. But for some reason I stopped going to my sessions and because of annoying side effects, I stopped taking my meds. Now I'm afraid I'm in a hypomanic episode that's threatening to wreck the progress I've made.

For me it feels like some part of me has gone missing. At first its just a mild distraction that gradually becomes a full blown obsession. I feel like I've lost my car keys and I can't go on with my life until I find them. So I start searching...and getting into things I should stay out of. I'm messing with stuff that I should keep my hands off of. I'm going places I have no business being. I'm thinking things I definitely should not be thinking. But I am compelled to fill this void that I'm feel...or I am imagining. My wife says that when I get like this I forget to love her. I've forgotten to love myself as well. But that's what its like. Love has gone missing in my life.

I need to find it.

SS

It would be so much easier if we were just in this world alone, sometimes. When we have to maintain relationships, the pressure can be so great, even with a partner who's aware of our illness.

Don't forget to love. At times, it may be all you have. Right now I'm worried about my wife falling out of love with me because of my illness. But if I forget to love her, all is lost.

I'm disappointed to hear that you have stopped taking meds and seeing a counselor. Please reconsider this, as much for your wife as for yourself.

Do you have obsessive racing thoughts? That's what I get when I'm about ready to have an episode. I can't stop until I fix whatever I'm obsessing about, and the more I'm obsessing about things the more likely I am going to explode.

In therapy have you learned any coping techniques to calm yourself? It may be you need to get in to see your therapist.