[spoiltmom]

Along with my own problems, I have 2 kids with ADHD. 1 is older and perfectly behaved, the other is 6. She does not behave at all and has ODD to go with her ADHD.

She does not pick up after herself, EVER, she is bossy, demanding and can be a real handfull. I'm in counseling with her to work on her behavior.

In the meantime, I'm on edge lately, EDGE. As I sit here and look around there is so much stuff strowed EVERYWHERE. My house is a mess and 85% of it is HERS. I'm so tired of picking up her stuff day after day only for her to strow it out again. I'm ready to scream.

Would it be horrible if I bagged it all up and threw it in the trash? The more clutter that's around me the worse my moods are. If my house is clean I'm more relaxed and not so edgy and anxious. I love my daughter, I really do but I'm at the end of my rope here with her habits.

Any advice??

[Trippin2.0]

I subscribe to the 'you wont pick it up, I'll chuck it in the bin' school of thought. My mom did it to me, I learned my lesson,and I've done it to Jordan, now she's nice and tidy. Didn't damage anyone, but instiled accountability. Dont pick it up, but then be responsible for going WITHOUT!
You are NOBODY'S housemaid, time to set some very clear boundaries, but only you can decide what those will be... So sorry you've got so much on your plate, its time to clear some of that off there

[faerie_moon_x]

Does your 6 year old hang out with my 6 year old?

Bossy. Check
Messy. Check
Demanding. Check

Hmmm.... sounds familiar.

I wonder if it's the age. He's starting to get more knowledgable and thinks he knows. And he argues until you just want to rip your hair out. "Besides..." is his favorite way to not give up his argument. I keep saying he will be a lawyer or maybe a politician because he always promises, then has a reason why he can't follow through...

And keeping things picked up is a super challenge. But, recently we got new bunkbeds and re-did his room and he's been doing really well for 2 weeks now keeping his toys and clothes and art stuff put away. But we did remove about 75% of everything. Just took it away. He doesn't even notice it's gone, actually.

[spoiltmom]

I have tried so many things with her, so many. It just does no good. I am honestly left feeling defeated at the end of the day

[BlueInanna]

I can relate sadly

Looking back, my daughter now 18 was just like that. And along with my problems, cleaning is not my strong suit. My mom couldn't teach me how, and I couldn't teach my daughter how.

Looking back, so many things could've been better if we'd been more organized. It's a huge stressor to me, but still I can't get organized.

I think I asked you before, have you tried valium?? Kind of joking but not really. You need to be able to stay calm to deal with this sort of situation.

Could you tell her that you're going to help her get it in order, and help her get a fresh start with it? But from now on, after this time, she is expected to clean up after herself. If she does not, you could tell her you can help remind her, but there will not be any tv, new toys coming out, or whatever, until she cleans up her recent toys.

I feel for you mama, and I never want to raise kids again, it was not what I bargained for and single at that. My youngest is 11 and I'm so done. Plus the 18 & 17 yr old could start having puppies any time here, holy *****. Babies are adorable, but then omg it's tough.

[Moodmuse]

I use to tell my kids i was gonna vacuum them up. You should have seen him scramble. Threaten to donate it all to charity, that if she can't take care of it maybe someone else will

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[BlueInanna]

Hey Spoilmom, I want to share some hope with you from my afternoon with my daughter. she lives here part time, and we got lunch and did some grocery shopping together. She is 18 1/2 now, and the teen years were hell. Her life's still a mess, she's trying to finish high school still. But she is a sweet sensitive lady-girl. She's grown out of a lot of the bad attitude, she is kind and smart, and so much calmer. she even just helped her little brother with his homework. i'm very proud of her.

Please keep hope, you can get throught this! and therapy is awesome if you can do it.

[PiperLeigh]

Oh, ladybug! I have walked in your shoes! I have a messy six year old. It's her personality.

What has worked for me is I have given her three laundry baskets for her toys. Aesthetics aside, it has been a wonderful thing. When I tell her to pick up, she is to push the baskets around and put her stuff in it (outside of clothes, which I expect her to put in the hamper which I have in her room). This has solved 95% of our problems. Seriously. Yes, she still makes a disaster of a mess. But when I need her to pick it all up and can't handle it anymore, I tell her enough is enough and I tell her to go get out her baskets.

Now I know what you're thinking. Three baskets is no where enough for all the toys and stuffed animals a six year old has. It wasn't enough for our six year old either. Here's what you do. You get every single last one of her toys and dump them into a ginormous pile (scatter them out a bit). And you lay out the three baskets. And you let HER choose what she wants to fill up the three baskets with. Anything that doesn't fit, you tell her is going to be donated to kids that need toys because the house has more than enough and it's important to share. (You can even grab a few things from the living room, your closet, etc. to show you want to set the example too.) (You can throw them away if you want. The key is you are GETTING THE EXTRA STUFF OUT OF THE HOUSE and SHE GOT TO CHOOSE WHAT WAS MOST IMPORTANT TO HER.)

Life gets SO much easier after you do this. Your messy six year old is going to stay a messy six year old. It's not worth the fights. You're never going to have a perfectly organized home. But toys tossed into bins is a reasonable solution and it does tidy up the house surprising well. And it actually takes very little time. (The kids don't get discouraged and complain.) You can do this! It will improve your relationship with your daughter. Hang in there. Six year olds are hard. Messy six year olds are really hard if you like to keep things tidy. If you make a few little changes you can teach her responsibility and also not feel so anxious about the mess. Hope this idea helps! <3

[Lauru]

Ok, so here's my advice. And I have education in child development if that means anything lol. I would get a box, whatever size you feel is big enough. Gather all her stuff and put it in a big pile in the middle of the living room. Have her go through it all and put what she wants to keep in the box. The rest goes to charity. Have her go with you to give it to the charity. Preferably like children of mom's in a safe house, or foster kids, or disabled kids. Then she learns two things. You can't have everything you want and it is good to give to others. Then tell her that at the end of the day everything she wants to keep has to be in that box and in her room nice and neat. If it isn't, then you take it and put it in the "give away box" for those kids with nothing. If she wants something new, and her box is full, then she has to decide what in her box she is willing to donate in order to get the new toy or whatever. Never should she have anything more than what can fit in that box. If at night it is not in that box in her room, then it goes intop the give away box. Anything given away she has to come with you to donate. And you absolutely, positively cannot slide on this and let her get away with anythiong even once. Or else it won't work. I would also suggest a board with a list of things you want her to do daily to help out around the house and what not. If she does it that day she gets a star. After so many stars, however much you think is fair, she gets an agreed upon treat of some kind. Whatever she likes that is good for her. I hope this helps. If you try it, let me know how it works.

[spoiltmom]

Lots of good advice here! Thanks everyone! We will definitely be going through all her toys this weekend. To my surprise, last night I told her that anything of hers that was still in the living room floor today was going in the garbage, she actually picked her stuff up

I started taking my Abilify again last night, it makes me sleepy but it really calms me so hopefully after a few weeks of taking every night I will feel a bit better.