[MonarchX]

I'm a 25 year old guy with bipolar type II. I am successful in almost everything I do, except for friendship building and dating. I was diagnosed only a year ago and placed on Lamictal, which changed me dramatically in a good way. I work out to stay fit (6'2 athletic, 200lbs, 13% BF), now cutting to get really lean 6-pack body in the next 3-4 months and based on many women's opinions I'm attractive face-wise. I'm educated, intelligent, witty, and a leader with a good career path. I crashed and burned when came to dating every damn time... I have little experience even though I was approached by many good looking girls and went on dates, etc. I was so incredibly reactive (rapid cycling) to their behavior that I ended up looking insecure in their eyes or just plain weird. Or so I think... For example, any small sign of disinterest on a date and I would get anxiously depressed, and incredibly angry, bitter, hurt, jealous, and could just walk away in the middle of it...and ignore/never talk to them again. Or I would get attention, fall into hypomanic state feeling so good that I lost interest in my companions. It was kind of like wanting what you can't have, but to an extreme degree. In the end I shut down and withdrew myself from females... I ended up developing a hate issue and low self esteem that would even prevent me from having a sex drive due to thinking I will never get laid...

But now I am on Lamictal and it is like day and night difference. I do not get depressed, anxious, and I am not as reactive anymore (no rapid cycling).

What do you guys think - is my dating problem related to being bipolar or do I truly have 0 game?

Now that I am medicated, should I stop withdrawing from females and get out there try to date again at least to see if I can handle it and not be as reactive?

I see that bipolar people get married, so I dating should be possible when you're bipolar, right?

Has anyone else had similar problem that was improved after being medicated?

I would appreciate any support. Thanks!

[Clinte89]

Well it could be a combo not necessarily 0 game but maybe trying to play the game to much. I get angry when there seems to be lack of interest as well maybe it's jut a guy thing. Maybe you need to get out there again and try it out.

[hamster-bamster]

Sure get out, nothing should really stop you now.

[MonarchX]

I think I perceive disinterest everywhere because nothing goes 100% smooth.
Example 1:
Girl 1 and I agreed to go to a party and she was very flirty and touching me before that. Something came up and she could not call me until 2 hours after the set time and wanted to *****. But, because it was 2 hours later I assumed she just wanted to play me and got pissed/depressed so when she called later I just blew her off... Ignored her later and we never talked again...

Example 2:
Girl 2 and I went on a date and I thought she did not like me because she would not text me back for like 48 hours... 48 hours later she texted me back, apologized because her car broke down and invited me to a lounge. By then I was pissed and depressed, so when she hinted at slipping me a roofie so we could have fun in that big lounge bathroom - I just ignored her because I was so hateful.

Example 3:
Girl 3 with boobs of a Goddess said "Let's *****, you idiot, I want you!". I blow her off because it did not work out with Girl 1 and 2 and I was bitter even though like 5 months passed since the date in Example 2. So, in the end I am 25 and I've never had sex, even though I had opportunities.

Does anyone recognize this as some familiar pattern? Or am I the only one like that? Does it even sound like a bipolar problem?

I ended up traumatized and it may seem funny, but for each crash and burn (probably over 100 times) I cried my eyes out and was wishing to die...

Now that I am stable and on Lamictal I laugh at it, but it sure as hell wasn't funny before and robbed me of my youth.

Considering that bipolar people live about 50 years - I already lived half of my life... Damn.

[~Christina]

Hmmm who said Bipolar people live "about" 50 years ?? *** gasp *** I better live it up I've only got 4 years to go. Ok strange .. anyway...

Oh welcome to PC .. Sorry your having a tough time.. Sounds to me like it could a self esteem issue? Its common in people, bipolar or not. Talk therapy can help.

Hope you feel better soon.

[Trippin2.0]

Are you sure you're not sinking your dates on purpose? The things you describe seem pretty petty to never contact these women again. I mean, I get pissed pretty easily too, but later I realize its just me, and make ammends... Maybe you're not even aware you're sabotaging your dates, just something to think about. I say, GO FOR IT, see how it goes, and take it from there, also a warm to our humble abode

[MonarchX]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Are you sure you're not sinking your dates on purpose? The things you describe seem pretty petty to never contact these women again. I mean, I get pissed pretty easily too, but later I realize its just me, and make ammends... Maybe you're not even aware you're sabotaging your dates, just something to think about. I say, GO FOR IT, see how it goes, and take it from there, also a warm to our humble abode

Yes, they are petty, but this is what I am here for - to understand if this behavior is related to me being bipolar. I read that bipolar like me who cycle very rapidly depending on petty triggers are very reactive and sensitive. I know outside of dating world, small petty comments can plunge me into depression. For example my boss can say something very mildly negative and I would get angry and depressed over something ridiculously small... But that mood would persist for a long time (days, weeks) until someone will pat me on the shoulder with "Good Job!" and I would cycle into hypomania and feel on top of the world for a day or so.

With Lamictal my angry depressive mood that occurs after a petty trigger lasts 5-10 SECONDS at most and then I return to stable.

What I am saying is that if this is related to being bipolar then I should be fine since now I am medicated and stable. BUT if this is some other part of my personality unrelated to bipolar then Lamictal won't help... in that case I should just forget it and settle for hookers because something is wrong with me and I am not meant to reproduce.

What do you think? I mean sometimes I wonder why I even ask this question considering that in my gut I feel that the answer is YES - it is highly related to bipolar behavior, but I am not 100% confident... I don't know.

[Trippin2.0]

Never know until you try right? Idk if its bp,we dont all fit in boxes, you say the meds are working, so give dating a shot then! And if it doesn't work for whatever reason, it just means you have some self-exploration to do so you can rectify the issue no matter what,you do NOT have to settle for hookers, and in no way suggests you are unfit for reproduction! I mean I've done some fkd up things romance wise,but I ended up being someones mom! Who woulda thought? I really think you should keep trying

[Trippin2.0]

Also wanted to add, that if you are seeing a therapist, I would suggest discussing your triggers (if you haven't already) it seems to me you put alot of weight on the approval of others, which inadverdantly sends you into a tailspin. I'm sure that if you do some self-esteem work, you might be able to lesson the impact of these kind of triggers, and the less triggers for us the better hey? I stand by what I said tho, give dating a go

[LadyShadow]

I would give it a try. I found someone after many many many many many many failed attempts. Sure you have some issues with being petty, but I think that's the bipolar.

We deserve the right to be happy too. And living till 50? I would hope not! I want to live much longer than that!

[MonarchX]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Also wanted to add, that if you are seeing a therapist, I would suggest discussing your triggers (if you haven't already) it seems to me you put alot of weight on the approval of others, which inadverdantly sends you into a tailspin. I'm sure that if you do some self-esteem work, you might be able to lesson the impact of these kind of triggers, and the less triggers for us the better hey? I stand by what I said tho, give dating a go

Yeah. that whole approval thing is absolutely there even with my parents, and Lamictal fixed that. Thing is, moms being moms sometimes like that whole approval thing and once on Lamictal she stopped liking me because I couldn't give a damn, lol.

[MonarchX]

There is also the general hate and bitterness that has been completely eliminated with meds and sometimes I would be very negative/depressed and complain on dates over something that happened earlier in the week (not a fun date...). I even like different type of music now.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm glad to hear that By what you've posted, you have made excellent progress so far, so I do hope you'll give dating another shot, I'll even be your cheerleader, watch, I got skill lmao

[MonarchX]

I find it interesting how there are so many articles about how it is difficult it is to date and be married to bipolar but nobody on forums can relate...

I was just reading how bipolar people have a hard time recognizing danger. For example overspending but in my case I see boredom when people are stable. To me, overly excited face means happy and relaxed face means boredom, which is not true. So then I ask bit too often my dates if they are bored or sad and it makes me seem insecure and not confident. It all makes sense now. Lamictal FTW - a secret weapon for the few chosen that turns a guy into a pimp BC it make you think "**** it" and move on. Sociopaths and psychopaths lack get laid the most BTW because they are more logical less emotional and love themselves. Lamictal kind of makes me half of a sociopath BC I can watch people cry without pity or sad feelings but I don't hurt people either. Well, two times I left my dates in the middle of it and they started crying thinking they did something wrong. Afterwards I was the one crying but they wouldn't talk to me. What a vicious circle...

[MonarchX]

There is also the problem of me being done with college already... I did well but I regret the missed opportunities. And I hope women my age are not all done with just hooking up because they got older. However at 25 I look 20 so it shouldn't matter. Why do I just babbling on and on about myself when I get high on weed..? Thinking out loud... well no... writing out loud... no?

[Clinte89]

I agree from what you've posted you've made much progress so getting back out and playing te field is right up your alley!

[~Christina]

You seem to think more about statistics , Bipolars this Bipolars that ... Maybe stop being focused on "meds have fixed me"??.. in my opinion Psych meds can and do help people... but they will not magically "fix" everything.. Go date, just enjoy it... not every date will work out, that is normal for anyone, some dates that aren't romantic can be someone that will you can have a wonderful friendship with. You are young. Enjoy

[MonarchX]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

You seem to think more about statistics , Bipolars this Bipolars that ... Maybe stop being focused on "meds have fixed me"??.. in my opinion Psych meds can and do help people... but they will not magically "fix" everything.. Go date, just enjoy it... not every date will work out, that is normal for anyone, some dates that aren't romantic can be someone that will you can have a wonderful friendship with. You are young. Enjoy

Well, the degree of difference between being and not being on Lamictal is insane. I can cry over a sad song without it and I can't cry or even feel sad while on it and it does... almost magically change me from grumpy to stable/rather happy. It did not even take more than 3 days on a dose of 25x2 for me to feel way better. In fact, it sometimes gets in the way of motivation because everything becomes just alright regardless of what is going on... Fixating on the fact that Lamictal fixed me may prove to be more advantageous than not due to extra placebo effect.

[Anika.]

Not crying over something sad actually doesnt sound fixed. That would be a normal emotion or reaction. Being ok to everything regardless of whats going on might make you feel happy for a while... Untill you actually want to feel something.

Maybe sociopaths or people with aspd get laid more, who knows any actual stats on that? But do they have meaningful fullfilling relationships, or just empty relationships where fulfillment comes from using people?

[~Christina]

I think it is wonderful that Lamictal has done such a fabulous time fixing you. Heres the thing about dating ... the girls you ask out now don't have a single clue about your past screwups or dates that went bad.. to them you are just a guy asking them on a date. You arent a guy that took a magical pill called Lamictal, Stuff like Bipolar and medications really have no place for discussion in a date with someone new. Cut yourself a break and know you are not just a guy with Bipolar.

[MonarchX]

How late or early in dating would you come out and tell someone you're bipolar? I feel like I should do that only if dating is moving towards being exclusive. I want them to be able to see and witness that I can be and usually am stable when medicated. I have a tendency to spill the beans or tell people something VERY personal right when I meet them. I think it is also part of bipolar disease - being shy and afraid of saying something that should be said (like Hey! How are you?) and not being afraid to say something a normal person would be afraid to - like I told during a business meeting about the time I left bathroom door open when taking a piss, so our cat came in and shreded my balls, so I had to run to my mama who was eating dinner with guests (many guests - big feast!). Everyone got a look at my bloody sac. After I said that (very loudly, openly, and proudly), there was like a minute of DEAD silence before the executive continued.. . I quit a few days later due to embarrassment...

[hamster-bamster]

You have not asked anyone out on a date and you are already thinking about exclusive r/s. This is premature. Relax. Lamictal is your little secret - they do not need to know. I am glad it helps you - it was like a sugar pill when I took it - no positive effects, no negative effects whatsoever. So just put your best foot forward as any person would, disease or not, avoid accidents involving cats, and move on. What alternative did you have in mind when posing the question? You are too young to not date, so, oughta do it.

[MonarchX]

I just wanted to know ahead of time. I was doing research and some sites suggest you should disclose your bipolarism not on the first date but sooner rather than later. I may never even be in a relationship and chose to just screw around for life, but I like to have my info ahead of time in case anything happens. Otherwise I may look like some liar if the person finds it important.

[hamster-bamster]

No you won't be a liar. There is a social stigma associated with this illness and not disclosing something stigmatized is not lying. You will mention that you have not yet developed enough trust in her to disclose.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by MonarchX

I just wanted to know ahead of time. I was doing research and some sites suggest you should disclose your bipolarism not on the first date but sooner rather than later. I may never even be in a relationship and chose to just screw around for life, but I like to have my info ahead of time in case anything happens. Otherwise I may look like some liar if the person finds it important.

meh, do you mention also your blood presure, blood sugar levels and weight on your first date?

I'd say not. You should know person's medical history before wedding... but early in the relationship? Why?

I don't think this is about meds... it's rather about how you are secure in yourself... and methinks that you subconsciously want to test your dates with this talk.
For me... I would not care if the person had issues... but I would probably not call back if they spend first date talking about meds. Not because of them being "crazy", but because IT'S BORING. And I might think... there's nothing to them but their meds.

Not crying over something sad actually doesnt sound fixed. That would be a normal emotion or reaction. Being ok to everything regardless of whats going on might make you feel happy for a while... Untill you actually want to feel something.

this. Somebody once told me don't they trust people who never cry. I think it's good way to look at people.