[Moreta]

I'm tired today. So I cheated and took half a provigil. Shhh.

I've been a bit moody the past couple days, most likely b/c of the fertility drug I'm taking. Today is my last day on them, so hopefully the moodiness will go away.

[roads]

aaww, Moreta, I'm so wishing & wanting for this to come together for you this time! and not smoking for 23 days ... You know, I quit way back in 1991 but still remember those early days. All my warm, loving care for strength and purification in the coming days.
roadie

[Christa87413]

I'm hyper today! bf doesn't understand that what I am going threw is real.. posted a thread about it in relationships..... no netflix to watch CSI while I'm sitting here getting ready for work, kinda depressing.. haha! I got use to that! oh well, I got music blasting in my ears from pandora at least.....

[liveforfish]

Had to go back to work today after a week of for mourning. It's been hard to be back here.

I had a life changing week and I want/need to make big changes. I'm not sure my current job is working anymore for me and my bipolar.

[~Christina]

Roadie

Thanks hun, I am just at a loss , I need something that I can do long term, I am right on the edge of flipping out . Physically I am very limited due to my pain level, so its not like I can go wandering through my woods and having to jump over trees and stuff. Oh I am just feeling sorry for myself.. I will quit it. Many people are in a worst situation than I, I have no reason to whine.

Oh so back to PT hu? Make sure in no uncertain terms it need to go S-L-O-W !!! I think you will do ok unless they push you too hard .

I hope you are feeling a bit better physically and mentally.

[~Christina]

Ps Roadie .. I'm sure your neighbor was just find about it.

[EagleNebula]

I know what you mean about your job not jiving with your bipolar. I know for certain that my job is a major stressor in my life and major stress is always a trigger for those dark dark thoughts.

My job is not worth my life but without my job, no insurnace, no meds, no Pdoc, no psychotherapy. It really sucks. Will be looking for a new job some time after March 14 (my one year anniversary and 2 weeks of paid vacation).

EagleNebula.

p.s. I am sorry for your loss. (these words sound so small and insignificant. Mourning is difficult for anyone, let a lone a person with a mood disorder).

[EagleNebula]

It's all so confusing and complicated. Aaaaack. New here, diagnosed with BP II 3 years ago but looking back can see it's been with me my whole life.

Called off work today, again (3rd time this year). Not good even though I have personal time off it is frowned upon when you "call in" as opposed to notifying them in advance. I'm already anxious about walking in tomorrow (lawyers take it personally that you are not there to serve them every day of every week).

EagleN.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been pretty mellow. I hung out at one of my local community centers and participated in ceramics. I have my daughter fed and ready for bed. Now I had time time watch my favorite shows and surf the net.

[roads]

My Day ... My Do-Nothing Day
Woke up this morning nice and easy about seven, then thought of the all things I need to catch up, on all the things I need to do today--the first day I've had this year when I have no commitments, just a day for me.
I still haven't gotten last year's W-2. I haven't received the check from Allstate that I need before I can get my car fixed. I haven't discovered what Aetna needs to get my physical therapy going. I need to get a new toilet. That's just the urgent stuff ... the "to do" list would run out the door, if it were written on T.P.

Reviewing this, I waited for Tiger to come ... but he died a week ago ...

Ten came and went and I was still there, still awake, still hadn't opened my eyes. I don't know what happened aside from my going time and space traveling and thinking about many things. Then it was noon. At some point or points I may have checked in at PC--not sure. I'm more sure I did, around four. I've answered the phone once, let others go to message.

I haven't taken my meds today yet. Haven't had a day yet, still hovering over it ... not committed to doing it. Oops, ate a bit--commitment

Is this bipolar behaviour? Depression? Grief? Exhaustion? The daily mix of me?

I could live like this, I think. Do nothing productive. Listen to music. Maybe walk out in the works, on the beach. Read, maybe, someday. Someday. Then sleep. Then tomorrow, more of the same.

[Victoria'smom]

Life and I are on very hateful terms today.

[Clinte89]

Sorry to hear that MM I hope things get better for you soon.

[Clinte89]

I doing great currently, What a Shocker right? Im suprised after all this feeling terrible that I come out of it with no depression but rather the opposite.

[Moreta]

I hurt today. I also kinda hate my new job. Doing maintenance on the equipment files, oh joy.

Depressed. It's been a good while since I have been depressed so I am grateful.
It's just...well...you know when you are down about a bunch of things and you can't settle any of them easily? THAT kinda depressed.

[jmv1962]

I am...seriously in need of a kick in the pants. I can NOT get motivated to do any of my work. I am overwhelmed by my inbox and despite the fact that my calendar is blessedly clear of meetings, I have accomplished exactly nothing today. I am already feeling the self loathing and tears creeping in - not much of a motivator, I have to say.

perhaps I just need to get the heck out of my house. My mother (78 yrs) is watching TV at approximately 75,000 decibels and is not feeling well.

If she's better, I think I need to into the office tomorrow. Working from home saves on gas expenses, but the mental health cost is too high today.

Anybody have any "get concentrating" hints?

[Cocosurviving]

Today I had my lithium level checked. results should be back soon. i walked 1mile and hung out at a local community center. Next stop Bible study. Mood: relaxed

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by jmv1962

I am...seriously in need of a kick in the pants. I can NOT get motivated to do any of my work. I am overwhelmed by my inbox and despite the fact that my calendar is blessedly clear of meetings, I have accomplished exactly nothing today. I am already feeling the self loathing and tears creeping in - not much of a motivator, I have to say.

perhaps I just need to get the heck out of my house. My mother (78 yrs) is watching TV at approximately 75,000 decibels and is not feeling well.

If she's better, I think I need to into the office tomorrow. Working from home saves on gas expenses, but the mental health cost is too high today.

Anybody have any "get concentrating" hints?

I too work from home and additionally have an office. Have to say, I focus much better while at my office, too many distractions at home. And the rare days I actually work at office usually feel really productive, which is great for my mood and self-esteem. Yes, the gas cost is outrageous, but the mental health worth much more. Tomorrow will (hopefully) be an all day at the office day for me.

[bos314489]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

I too work from home and additionally have an office. Have to say, I focus much better while at my office, too many distractions at home. And the rare days I actually work at office usually feel really productive, which is great for my mood and self-esteem. Yes, the gas cost is outrageous, but the mental health worth much more. Tomorrow will (hopefully) be an all day at the office day for me.

Blue Inanna, what kind of job do you do from home?

[roads]

From the research I've been doing it seems to me there are no meds truly developed for bipolar disorder. At best they treat the depression uniquely, then try to offset side effects promoting mania. Juggling with bees and hornets, hoping they notice only each other.
Seems mostly nonsense, some voodoo. I'd like more voodoo.
Might go off them all for a few months & see what happens.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by bos314489

Blue Inanna, what kind of job do you do from home?

I'm Vice President of a home decor imports business. I can do a lot of work from home but everything's falling apart for me past 5 years. I'm thinking it might be turning around finally. How bout you?

[roads]

no, I work at work and used to love it, but now just want to get home
sure glad to hear it's combining together for you, BlueInanna ... that's great!!

I'm sick today, called in
incredibly sore thread, ear aches, 100° temp at 10 am
fed the cat then again at 2, maybe will take aspirin if I still have fever later

didn't take any meds again since I'm not doing the day

BPD2 in check and depression from yesterday is gone.
I think this is in part due to the fact that I was able to tell my ex, face to face, that when she was "Waiting for me to become somebody" I already WAS somebody...too bad it wasn't enough for her. I wasted 16 years of my life trying to become somebody for an ungrateful person. I have embraced the fact that I AM SOMEBODY and if no one else likes it then they can go fly a friggin kite! (I decided to keep this a family show...hee hee!)

just pondering life. pondering the thought, 'if I get my life in order, outside of the bp, then would that be the key that I have been missing?'

[ElisaB]

Emotional and borderline about to lose control. Trying really hard to stay cool, but...
Really wish I had meds right now. Not that it wouldn't allow me to feel this way, but would help me see more clearly.