Returning to Ex?

tait · 07:02 PM

I have Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder, and I'm on social security for it. Well I left my husband 5 months ago because of 13 years of mental abuse. Unfortunately I had to leave my 13 year old son because he chose to stay. My question or issue is, Ive moved 4 hours away, and have been manageing my SSD alright, but they are about to accuse me of abandonment and take 20% of my check for child support. I may have no choice but to go back to my abusive husband whom I've filed for divorce, because I can't survive on my own. My bipolar II is causing me even more depression. I tend to dive into journaling like MAD for it is my way of coping. Any advice about ways or what to do in order not to go back to him? Ill be miserable, and try suicide again, I fear...

mazing · Dec 11, 2012, 07:18 PM

Can you speak to social security about it? Or legal aid? I believe in abuse cases there are usually clauses that can assist in these kinds of situations.

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this

hamster-bamster · Dec 11, 2012, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mazing

Can you speak to social security about it? Or legal aid? I believe in abuse cases there are usually clauses that can assist in these kinds of situations.

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this

I am with Mazing - there should be some exceptions built in specifically for cases of abuse. Besides social security and legal aid, you may want to talk to your local battered women center.

hamster-bamster · Dec 11, 2012, 10:22 PM

I am going through something similar where children prefer to stay with ex H, but in California the age at which the court listens to what children have to say is 14. At 13, perhaps you can still take your son with you? Or at least split his time and then you would not have to pay so much in child support - the more time you spend with the child, the less support you owe.

You are saying that you have filed for divorce -- does it mean that you have a lawyer to advise you of your rights?

jcsaves · 04:35 PM

Who is "they" saying there gonna take 20% and unless you need that 20 its not much. If you filed for divorce and have a disability you have legal rights here too. im not sure what abandonment falls under but i would look into that. It is very hard to prove abuse especially mental. If you go back you will be oppressed. You left! You broke the bond. Why return? Claim your independence if you have the strength. Or draw on it.

liviacat · Dec 12, 2012, 03:25 AM

I agree with the feedback above - there have to be resources available for you especially in domestic violence situations or abuse situations. As hamster asked, with the divorce do you have a lawyer? They would/should be able to assist you in resolving this issue without concluding abandonment. Even if you contact SSD yourself, you'll at least start a paper trail that shows you're actively involved in wanting to resolve the issue to the benefit of your child and your safety.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by liviacat

I agree with the feedback above - there have to be resources available for you especially in domestic violence situations or abuse situations. As hamster asked, with the divorce do you have a lawyer? They would/should be able to assist you in resolving this issue without concluding abandonment. Even if you contact SSD yourself, you'll at least start a paper trail that shows you're actively involved in wanting to resolve the issue to the benefit of your child and your safety.

I have a lawyer, but the judge in the county Im from is so dead set on focusing on the abandonment instead of the abuse that its unfair! What about me? Im the one who originally filed. Im the one suffering! I swear if I have to go back to him Ill be in solitude all over again ! No one seems to care about mental issues in these cases except but to punish us for being czy and unfit parents. Well, I took care of my son as a stay at home mom for 13 years! If thats not sane, then I dont know what is. My husband is just pissed that I left his controlling, mental abusive self! Yes, I do have an attorney. But I doubt his abilities sometimes.

Seaswept · Dec 12, 2012, 03:11 PM

I don't really have advice or know what to say, but you made a good 1st step leaving him, as hard as it is concerning you son. I hope everything works out for you.
By the way I love your avatar. cool.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 03:17 PM

Thanks! I use my avatar for everything.

Seaswept · Dec 12, 2012, 03:20 PM

Your welcome. Did you draw it yourself?

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 03:32 PM

Oh no, however I do dabble a bit! I prefer abstract art.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 03:35 PM

The last time I REALLY drew was in 2009, I was going through a major depression funk for several months. AllI drew was abstract. I have some online at deviantart.com.

hamster-bamster · Dec 12, 2012, 04:32 PM

It is important to have a competent attorney.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

It is important to have a competent attorney.

He's with Legal Aid, which was all I could afford (or not afford, he's free). He's a young arrogant jerk who never returns my calls or answers my emails. Until he feels like it. I just don't know what to do! I'm so stressed and depressed. If it weren't for Lamictal, I'd be dead right now.

hamster-bamster · Dec 12, 2012, 05:29 PM

I see - so there is no way out.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 05:35 PM

No way out with my attorney? I've threatened to tell his supervisor, report him to the Bar Association, he apologizes and promises to do better, then goes back to his old ways again. I think he's only 28. I told him I wanted a more seasoned attorney, he was all for that, but I "think" (not sure) he is intentionally doing this to get off my case. But I don't want to start over again. He's been my attorney since September!

faerie_moon_x · Dec 12, 2012, 05:37 PM

Okay, first report your attourney at least to a supervisor. Second, see if you can file some sort of custody agreement. Three, can you request a different judge?

Those are my only ideas.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 05:45 PM

Hmmm...I've never thought about your 3rd option of requesting a different judge. How would I do that? Do I have that power? Would my stupid attorney have to do that? I live four hours away now. Well actually I may be moving back to the area (within 50 miles) pretty quick now that I can't afford to live here in Austin anymore. Custody agreement? My husband has full custody right now. My son doesn't even want to see me. Everyone has plagued his mind that I abandoned him, even though he knew in advance that I was going to leave.

tait · Dec 12, 2012, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcsaves

Who is "they" saying there gonna take 20% and unless you need that 20 its not much. If you filed for divorce and have a disability you have legal rights here too. im not sure what abandonment falls under but i would look into that. It is very hard to prove abuse especially mental. If you go back you will be oppressed. You left! You broke the bond. Why return? Claim your independence if you have the strength. Or draw on it.

OMG, yes I need that extra $200 dollars! I won't be able to eat! Its bad enough, that the vehical I was driving broke down. (I know, I have it bad all around). However, I just read that the judge "could" change the payments if I became destitute. But I have a funny feeling feeling with this particular county that they won't. You see...I'm black, husband is white and we live in an all white town/county. P.s. My husband is from here and it was HIS idea to move back four years ago. Not to bring race into it, but it's true. Black/Bipolar/Abandonment? Not a good combination...

tait · Dec 13, 2012, 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcsaves

Who is "they" saying there gonna take 20% and unless you need that 20 its not much. If you filed for divorce and have a disability you have legal rights here too. im not sure what abandonment falls under but i would look into that. It is very hard to prove abuse especially mental. If you go back you will be oppressed. You left! You broke the bond. Why return? Claim your independence if you have the strength. Or draw on it.

I've been to several sites that talk about the percentage that they take out for child support. For 1 child its 20%.